As I was driving home from cross country practice the other day, a gust of wind blowing yellow leaves across the street prompted a realization: this is the last time I will experience autumn in Naperville.
Of course, at that moment, the song “Where’d All the Time Go?” started playing from my curated Spotify playlist of fall-feelings songs. And I really thought, where did all the time go? I remember jumping into leaf piles that my dad would make from the leaves he raked up from our yard every year. There are pictures of us in the leaf pile every year from when I was probably three years old to sometime around when she left for college a few years ago. Looking back on how young I was in these pictures, but still remembering those moments so vividly, makes me feel nostalgic for the time when I felt like the time to leave home was quite literally never going to come. Somehow, though, it’s almost that time: senior year, the year of lasts.
I’m about to run in my last DVC championship meet cross country race on Saturday. It’s a tradition on the girls team to have seniors each write a letter to the team with advice and other reflections on their time in the program. I never thought that it would be my turn to write one.
As I was writing this letter the other night, I thought about previous seniors’ letters. Every year they say something about the time flying by, but I couldn’t have ever imagined how true that statement is. I’ve definitely had my ups and downs with running over the years, but no matter how much I complain about it, I wouldn’t trade my time on the team for the world.
Sophomore Homecoming
Sometime while I was writing, I got the brilliant idea to look through my camera roll and reminisce on cross country. Spoiler: this was a bad idea. As I saw pictures of my friends and I as baby freshmen, then a little older as sophomores, older still as juniors, and now seniors, tears came to my eyes. These girls have seen me at my best and worst and been there for me through thick and thin. What am I going to do without them next year?
Senior Homecoming
I also found pictures of teammates who have since graduated. I don’t talk to these girls as often as I once did, but I still feel their presence in my life when they comment on an Instagram post of mine or send a Snapchat flashback from two years ago of a photo that I’m featured in. As I went through these photos, I texted these girls, saying that I had just finished writing my senior letter and that I missed them a lot. All of them responded with a similar sentiment, basically this: “I can’t believe you’re a senior already! Miss you so much!”
Simple words, but I asked myself again. Where did all the time go? When I look back on my high school career, events feel like they happened so recently that I can still picture every detail. At the same time, these events feel so very far in the past. I guess they’re not so far in the past, but I’ve grown farther away from who I was at that point in time. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine the time when I was the person in those pictures I mentioned earlier. And that idea makes me a little sad. I know that growing up is, well, what happens when you get older, but what if I’m not ready?
The thing is, you’re never really ready to grow up. As a kid, you wish for the independence that comes with being a teenager or adult. But once you actually obtain that so-called independence, you’re wishing for the time when everything was taken care of for you. I guess what I’m trying to say is that time passes whether you want it to or not, and you just have to be ready for what gets thrown at you in different stages of life.
While writing this blog, I’ve had the chance to think about what I spent high school doing, and really what I spent the last almost 18 years doing. And I think I finally have an answer to my original question. So, here’s where all the time went: in school days, movie nights, Homecoming dances, cross country practices, family vacations, and more laughs and tears than I can count. These are the experiences that have shaped who I am today. No matter where the time goes in the next four years, I know that each experience helps me grow as a person, and that’s what living is all about.
The Fall is definitely a time for reflection and as a senior I am sure you will find many more moments throughout the year where you are doing just that, reflecting on the time. There are many mature insights in the piece. I am so glad you ended the piece with answers to where your time went. That was a nice individual touch, made it personal. Nice job. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here.
Alyssa, I can totally relate to this feeling of time flying by. As a child I always thought college was so far away, even at the beginning of the school year I struggled to process that I was a senior already. Recently with the college applications and different senior events, however, the realization has finally set in. I understand the confusion and shock that suddenly comes when you’ve realized how much you’ve truly learned and experienced. Time seems like it passes so slow each day, and only when we take a step back do we realize how much has changed. I love how you included visuals and examples from your personal experiences, the homecoming photo illustrated the passing of time amazingly. I think that made this post so much more warming, and truly led me to reflect on my own experiences. Overall, amazing job!
Oh my god. Alyssa this is actually so sad. I agree; it’s crazy that it is finally senior year, and we are finally at the point of time where we are experiencing all of our lasts. Writing the senior letter was actually a huge milestone for all of us, having sat through three classes of these already. I swear I remember exactly how I felt while Safiya gave her speech, and then Logan, and then suddenly it’s us. Also, homecoming pictures are actually crazy. It’s hard to believe that we’ve been so close for four whole years. I will definitely be texting you whenever the smallest crazy thing happens next year. I’ll be texting and calling you so much, don’t even worry about what you’re going to do without me– I’m going to be annoying you so much you’ll wish you could wonder what you would do without me. Time moves fast, I love you.