Monopoly. Scrabble. The Game of Life. You name it – my family has played it, likely numerous times. In a household of five young girls and two enthusiastic parents, board games are a consistent go-to on weekend nights, holiday breaks, and vacations. However, it’s never been easy – like many others, my family has struggled to overcome the unspoken politics of the stereotypical family board game night.

It really all began with a red box that was unwrapped one Christmas several years ago: Settlers of Catan. Little did we know that the box, inscribed with yellow letters and packed with a variety of complex game pieces, would soon become a prized possession in our household. It would bring us laughter and tears; it would bring us further apart before it could bring us closer together. 

Eventually, we would be a better family because of it. But first, we had to learn some lessons to learn along the way:

Don’t Save The Date

Especially with large families, not everyone is going to have the free time to sit down for a board game. Sometimes, trying to fit everyone in just isn’t going to happen. Choosing a time when most people who are interested in participating are available is key. Trying to force a time when everyone can play is unrealistic, and it causes stress to clear schedules. 

 Exclusion IS Acceptable

Never force somebody to play who doesn’t want to. My persistent younger sister often thinks this is a good idea, and she has been proven wrong many, many times. Who knows what each individual has going on – the amount of interaction and sometimes chaos that takes place during a board game might just be their last straw. If someone refuses to play, they will simply pollute the game environment and overall vibe. It is important to accept that someone might sit out, and this flexibility is better for not only the active players, but also for the individual who just needs a break. Ideally, pick a game that allows for a variety of different amounts of players so this isn’t an issue.

Snacks, Beverages, and Music

If you’ve played Catan before, you know it can be a long game. On average, we spend at least three hours circled up around the table, dealing cards and building cities. Hangry-ness becomes a real issue around the end of hour one. Therefore, make sure everyone has some fuel to get them through it. While you’re at it, turn on some music to lighten up the mood. Don’t treat the activity like a burden – make it fun.

“Remember when…”

Emotional baggage must be left at the door. Board games can become intense very quickly in family settings because the players are comfortable and familiar with each other. This can make for a fun, lively group, or it can create a perfect breeding ground for revenge and resentment. Forget about your dad’s rude comment after your soccer game, or mom’s forgetfulness at the grocery store. Board game night is not the time to let out all of your feelings; ideally, this would be done before in order to start the game on good terms.

Keep It Moving

Of course, long board games require patience. However, there is only so much humming and hawing one can take before it simply becomes unbearable. Efficiency is critical to keep everyone engaged. My one sibling is infamous for her excessively long turns, burning up ten minutes just trying to decide whether to make a trade proposition or construct a road. She is now required to use a five-minute hourglass timer, for the sake of the rest of the players. Don’t be that person.

Break the Rules

Quite possibly the most important thing that my family has learned during our board game career is how to cater to everyone’s needs. With an age range of 10 to 43 years old, each member requires different things in order to have a fun experience. Usually, my littlest sister pairs up with someone like my dad (who has an impressive amount of patience) to create a team so she can understand the rules, and leave when her short attention span reaches its limit. The second youngest two are allowed advice from my parents once in a while – the older three, including myself, are restricted from this resource. As mentioned before, Izzie has a time limit on her turns. My mother has the final say in which game we play, because if she’s not happy, the rest of us usually aren’t either. If shortcuts need to be made to cut the game short, what needs to be done is done to keep it fun for everyone.

After years of use, that red Catan box is now battered and worn. The sides are held together with duct tape, and some pieces have been lost and replaced with colored Legos. It’s been with us through thick and thin, and has made us a closer, more understanding and communicative family.

This might all sound a little dramatic, but I truly believe that board game nights oftenreflect the true nature of a family. While others may feed into the notorious drama and misery of family board game nights, after years of experience I’ve found that they can be a healthy way to get to know the people that you share your life with. Board games have the potential to create memories, strengthen relationships, and allow players to learn from each other. In the end, it’s not really about the game at hand; it’s about spending time with those that you love.