I have never considered myself a particularly scatterbrained person. Generally, I focus on my tasks and never leave things halfway. Throughout the entirety of my high school career, I have avoided procrastination and completed my assignments the day that they were assigned. Unfortunately, this has changed in the last three weeks.
Whenever I had initially heard the term “Senioritis” I thought it was an exaggeration of the emotions that students feel throughout their senior year. Moreover, I was frequently asked about my personal experiences with Senioritis throughout my first semester. I felt the same as I always did. As such, I would simply shrug and state that I was unaffected by Senioritis. Now, however, this is no longer the case.
Committing to college did not feel like a drastic milestone at the moment it happened. There was barely any indecisiveness, or anxiety that came with my decision. I felt content as I clicked the buttons that confirmed that I would attend UIUC in the fall. The realization that I had officially committed to a college did not hit me all at once. It seeped into my daily life slowly, until one day, I found that I could hardly focus on my current academic tasks at all. It was at that specific moment that I understood exactly what Senioritis was.
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As an underclassman, college felt like an abstract concept. I certainly knew that I would be attending a college in the future, however, I believed that I still had a lot of time before that day would come. Junior year and the beginning of Senior year felt this way as well. Sure, I was studying for my SAT exams and filling out college applications, but I still had not fully registered that I would be attending college in a very short amount of time. This realization did not truly occur to me until a few weeks ago. Upon gaining awareness of the fact that I would soon be leaving home, and my family, I felt horrified. Growing up, I always perceived college as something that would happen once I was an adult. I believed that attending college would be the event to conclude my childhood and throw me into the real world. Now, as I grow closer and closer to graduating high school and attending college, I cannot help but feel a sense of sadness that my childhood is quickly coming to an end.
All of these emotions, combined with the tedious tasks of managing college paperwork, and applying for housing, have made it nearly impossible for me to live in the moment. As much as I am trying to, I simply cannot focus on the present. The high school assignments that used to feel like my top priority, have blurred into distant background noise. While I still complete my tasks with diligence and effort, I cannot help but feel completely detached from the work I am doing. At this point, the only word that can fully encompass how I feel is “scatterbrained.”
One part of me is completely engrossed in the idea of exploring college. I am certainly anxious, but I am also excited. I am curious to learn about the opportunities that are present at UIUC for me to enjoy. However, there are also placement tests, meal plans, and course enrollments that I have to worry about. On top of that, AP exams are looming in the near future, along with final projects and graduation. A combination of all of these things can make it difficult to live in the moment. Nevertheless, I find consolation in the fact that almost all of my peers seem to be experiencing these emotions.
Enjoying the present moment is hard, especially during chaotic times such as these. Senioritis may have slowly diffused into my brain, however, it is ultimately my decision how I choose to act as a result of this. There is nothing wrong with feeling the way that most seniors do. The final stretch of high school is a strange, yet valuable time. While my brain might be scattered in a million different directions, I can still make the most of my time in high school through patient and consistent efforts. After all, graduation is only a few weeks away!
Hi Amisha!
First off, congrats on committing to UIUC! I was just at the UIUC campus over the weekend for Science Olympiad State, and I feel obligated to comment on how gorgeous it was. I’d seen photos of the Quad online before, but the internet didn’t do it any justice at all because it was so much more impressive in person than I’d imagined – even the agriculture building was pretty.
Your blog resonated with me because I’ve felt a lot of the same things you’ve felt over these past couple of months. My college commitment was also pretty uneventful – it happened on some ordinary Wednesday night sitting around the dinner table with my family. But now that I’ve committed, the stress of having to choose classes, arrange housing, and buy things for my dorm next year is quickly catching up. Having to worry about all this is a different kind of stress than the kind of stress I experienced for most of high school, which was mostly stress from assignments, essays, and tests. Now it feels more existential, like the stakes are higher. I was reading Izzy’s blog this week who mentioned Ian’s blog from a couple of weeks ago – he was saying that he’s been so busy stressing about the future that he’s begun to neglect the present, and I don’t think I’ve ever related to a quote more. For now, I’m just trying to stay in the moment by pursuing a plethora of new hobbies before I leave high school – anything from pottery to yoga.
Hi Amisha! I really relate to your blog, as I have also felt scatterbrained as of late (and, I am also going to UIUC!). There are so many things for us to do, whether it be a school assignment or something I need to complete for UIUC. This MyIllini checklist is really a daunting task but figuring out housing is by far the most stressful thing. Senioritis hit me hard earlier this year, and though I have SO MUCH to do, I lack any motivation to do it. Your point about committing to college is also something I really resonate with. I always thought it would be some sort of huge, life-altering moment where pressing ‘commit’ would create the instantaneous, tangible feeling of change. This was not the case. In fact, I thought it was pretty anti-climactic. It was just me on the couch at 10:00 PM, and it felt pretty uneventful. There is so much to consider going into the next four years of our lives, from selecting a meal plan to mapping out classes. Luckily, I have the guidance of my siblings, but it is still daunting nonetheless. Anyways, thank you for sharing your story and I hope to see you on campus this fall (it’s coming so fast!)!
Hey Amisha! I definitely reciprocate your feelings about college and having difficulty focusing this semester. Attending college is a new chapter that brings me a lot of excitement, but at the same time, I don’t know whether to approach it as a culmination of my childhood or simply the beginning of an entirely new experience. For me, second semester senior year has definitely felt different than previous years of high school. I feel like some parts of college admissions are anti-climactic because it doesn’t just come with excitement, but also stress. While we used to spend so much time studying for tests and handing in assignments, now our worries take a new form. I think having an older sibling helps me with that because it’s a sort of proof that things end up alright despite the chaotic moments. I agree with what you said at the end, and I liked the optimistic shift. Focusing on the present is really important, even if we feel lost and amidst chaos. We can always plan for the future, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with slowing down a bit. And it definitely helps that most seniors feel the same way.
Hey Amisha! I was immediately drawn to this blog because the title describes exactly how I’ve been for the past year. Unlike you, I don’t think I was ever really the type to get my work done early, and I always end up procrastinating no matter the assignment, so senioritis was definitely something that seemed to always affect me. I definitely agree that it’s gotten worse since I committed to a university though, which is horrible because with AP exams and finals coming up, I can’t afford to be off task. However, it does make me feel a lot better that you and a lot of our other peers are feeling the same way. Also, a big congratulations on your commitment to UIUC! I definitely relate to the realization that hits because it’s honestly hard to fathom that we’re suddenly going to leave the small town that we’ve been in for forever to go elsewhere and to meet new people. I’m also partially excited for what college has in store for me but I’m also nervous to be starting a new chapter of my life. I just really hope that this heavy procrastinating and off task-ness doesn’t carry on to freshman year because that would be an absolute nightmare to work out. Congrats again on UIUC and thank you for a fun & relatable blog!