A deafening bang. Then silence.
Is it thunder? Did something fall? What happened, Ashley??
“I’m on the edge of my seat, I need to know more!” you exclaim. ( I imagine)
To answer all of your questions, no. It is a bird.
A bird is lifeless on my doorstep, having hit the glass of my front door. Gray body, yellow wings, and claws frozen in a shocked position. Now the first time this happened, as saddened as I w
as, I was able to shrug it off. The second time…okay that’s kind of weird. Third time…nope, enough. In my sixteen years of living in my house, not a single bird has died by hitting my window. Yet, in the past two months alone, I have found three dead birds on my doorstep and two dead birds on random occurrences. That’s five dead birds in the span of two months.
Now, I am not a superstitious person. I don’t think you’ll get bad luck if you open an umbrella inside, or that you’ll be cursed if you break a mirror. Five dead birds, however, does have me reflecting on their lives and mine. So let me explain my takeaways from each one of them.
Bird 1: Ronald.
It was a perfect day in July; one of those days where the sky is painted a perfect baby blue, the grass a magnificent shade of green, and the restlessness to be outside could practically be felt in the breeze of the wind. I was on a walk with a friend, talking about whatever teenagers talk about, when motion on the concrete caught my eye. The piercing color of blue contrasted the gray solid ground on which it lay.
A blue jay nestling.
Ronald, I’l call him, had
clearly fallen out of his nest. Wing bent at a grotesque angle, Ronald weakly fluttered his wings to no avail. The nest he had fallen out of was nowhere in sight so I was stuck with two conflicting options: leave him to die all alone, or take him home with me and have him face the wrath of my saint bernard. I chose the former. When I picked him up to place him in a safe place to die, he opened his mouth for food, fighting for vitality. He didn’t know what I knew. His fate had been solidified the second he had fallen out of the nest. So I left.
I cannot justify my actions. Perhaps I could have done more for him, but I had chosen not to. Was I being lazy? Was I just pessimistic of the outcome?
“It’s what happens in nature Ashley, just let it be.” my friend said as we continued walking.
Ronald died alone, scared, and in pain. But what my friend said has merit; so goes life. Ronald taught me that life is inexplicably short, and it is hardly ever fair to those living in it. To live each day like it could be your last, finding enjoyment in daily tasks, is the greatest way to live.
Bird 2,3, 4: Daisy, Drake, and George.
I often wonder if birds have souls. What were these three birds thinking when they hit the glass pane of my door? They had flown into the glass with such confidence of where they were heading, that they failed to see their own reflections growing ever larger in the glass. Similarly, I often chase this idealized image that others have of me, failing to see my own reflection. You lose yourself chasing the dreams others have for you or letting your dreams become static. Your reflection only grows larger as you near the glass. At some point, you will have to assess your own aspirations and values, or you will hit the glass.
Bird 5: Park
I found Park as I was walking into the Naperville Public Library. Ignored amongst the rush of people passing her by, it was a saddening sight. I don’t know how Park died, why she was in the middle of the sidewalk, or how long she had been there, which discomfited me. Outwardly, there were no wounds, or sores that would indicate a sick bird. I assume she had a disease of some sorts – something she was battling from the inside. I was another passerby, noticing and moving on. Park was a bird, and I am human. We cannot communicate with one another, yet her struggle is universal. My takeaway from Park was this: Everyone faces inner demons that outsiders do not see. Reaching out for help is strength, and being gentle and patient to others gives meaning to who we are .
So there you have it, the story of my five dead birds, and the lessons I learned from them.
Ashley! I really liked your piece. It is such a unique story and you have such a funny and entertaining narrative voice. While I do think it is a little bit odd that you have encountered five dead birds in the last couple of months (I, personally, have not shared this experience), I also think that your insight and thoughtfulness is very cool. Ronald seems like he was very important bird, and his lesson is equally important. Getting the reminder that life is short is always shocking, but always influential. It is a reminder to laugh as much as we can, love as much as we can and learn as much as we can! So, thank you Ronald for that essential lesson. Daisy, Drake and George also teach us something important- to look where we are flying. There is definitely some scientific reason as to why birds often crash into windows (I think it has something to do with their perception of reflections?), but according to a lot of traditions, it also signifies change. Maybe this means that when we see a bird that has crashed into glass, we need to look at it and change our way of thinking and assess ourselves, as you wrote about, and look at where we are going and if that is where we want to be. And your lesson from Drake, your lesson of empathy, is very universal and equally as important. Thank you for sharing your story, and thank you to all five birds!
Hi Ashley! I thought your blog title was pretty entertaining and it made me want to read more. I remember you mentioned this to me once, and reading it now, I think this was a really interesting piece. I definitely have never had an experience quite like the one you’re describing, which is why your piece seemed so different to me. I loved that you named all of the birds and talked about all of the different lessons they taught you. While I don’t think I could have processed their deaths quite like you have, it was fascinating to read about how you took lessons from them. Ronald definitely teaches an important idea of living life like it’s your last day and I think keeping that in mind is extremely essential to being content with life. Daisy, Drake, and George (interesting names) also teach a lesson that I could utilize in my daily life of making sure that I see myself for who I am instead of a muddled image of other people’s expectation of me. Lastly, Park’s death made a great point of being able to be vulnerable when needed and showing that it isn’t a sign of weakness. I loved the takeaways that you got from all 5 of the birds and I thank you for sharing them with us.
Hey Ashley I love your title it’s so silly, the second person point of view narration is also very silly- you’re not far off, the hook did have me questioning the context.
I’ve never had a bird die on my doorstep before, so after hearing your story about five birds dying on your doorstep, I am quite intrigued. That sounds really British but I don’t know how else to phrase my thoughts. I can imagine how horrifying that must’ve been for you though, knowing how much you value animals. It’s also interesting that you gave them names and detailed events, it’s like breathing life back into them.
I like how the birds taught you life lessons, it’s a very good thing to make out of something so horrifying. The life lessons you learnt were very helpful as well; I also feel like I often set too lofty of a goal for myself. I like your analysis for Park as well, often times we are compared to icebergs where we have many layers to our experience that others don’t see.
I can kind of relate to your life lessons coming out of simple things. Many times we are faced with bad experiences but we just have to make the most of what we can.
Hi Ashley! I want to start with the aesthetic appeal of your blog. I love it. You obviously put a lot of work into it and I love reading your posts just from the format of your page. When I read your writing, it’s like I’m listening to you tell a story. I love the way you write how you speak. It sounds really comforting and just nice to listen to. I love the photo you used when talking about the first bird, Ronald. Speaking of the story of Ronald, when you talk about how his life and death impacted you was really shocking to me. I liked seeing how you perceived these deaths, and how they affect you. Park is my favorite bird by far, and the connections you made with her death. The inability to connect and communicate is such an interesting idea when thinking about death and struggling. That lack of communication makes it unable to share anything but emotions, and for Park, the only thing you were able to understand was pain. I love that. All in all, I love your writing and listening to you read to me in my head. Thank you so much Ashley!
Hi Ashley!
I was immediately engaged by your post and very much on the edge of my seat. Seeing five dead birds in the span of two months seems truly scarring, and I wouldn’t wish seeing that on anyone. I really admire how you gave each bird its own name, its own individual identity to hold onto. I agreed with the life lessons you gained from the birds and how, even though we are human and they are birds, we both have the commonality of life. We all have our own goals and aspirations, which is why I hope all of the birds have lived enough to experience their greatest desires. I admired your use of color throughout the post, describing multiple birds with colors, allowing for the reader to think beyond their general understanding of how birds look and view each one as complex individuals. I have always really admired birds and their ways, causing me to get extremely emotional anytime people claim birds aren’t real. I had a pet bird for 15 years until he passed away in mid-2020, so I am really touched by your dedication to birds with this blog post. I am excited to keep up with your future blog posts, great job!