My earliest reading memory is one in which I didn’t know how to read. I was five years old, and it was a couple weeks before I started first grade at Highlands. A teacher led me to a small office, hidden away at the end of a long hallway. The room was uncomfortably bright, lit by a few too many cool-tone LED light bulbs and another sizable lamp directly above the table. All the walls were decorated with a combination of clipart images and unfamiliar characters. The teacher motioned for me to take a seat, and I spoke English fluently throughout the casual conversation. “Do you know how to read?”, she eventually asked. I replied yes, and her face brightened with anticipation as she reached for a list of basic words. It was disorienting, these weren’t the words that I knew how to read. They looked nothing like the characters my grandparents had read to me, then taught me in their living room in Changchun. I then proceeded to fail the comprehensive English language exam for children in families of non-native speakers, and was stuck in the ELL program until I was able to demonstrate my English proficiency by testing out of it.
I didn’t like having to go to ELL. Leaving during the middle of class every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon magnified my shortcomings and differences. However, I’ll give it some credit for helping me learn how to read. I discovered that reading in Chinese and English was two completely different processes. I also soon realized that those unfamiliar characters on the wall were letters, together they formed words, words together formed sentences, sentences together formed paragraphs, and paragraphs together was a book.
This negative start to literacy entailed my attitude towards reading and writing to go in complete opposite directions. As my reading abilities developed, books dominated my free-time. I loved to read, and read voraciously. My attitude towards writing, however, went downhill. It was distressing how I could never seem to properly formulate my thoughts into words. My thinking process was an intertwined mess of Chinese and English in which I kept finding myself unable to sort out. Reflecting upon my previous attitudes now, I see a distinct contrast between the nature of reading and writing. I welcomed the different thoughts and feelings brought upon by reading, allowing them to drift inside my head. I disliked writing because writing forced these thoughts and feelings back out, even when I didn’t know how to express them. Now, both my passion for reading and dislike of writing have dulled. Easier and more readily accessible forms of entertainment on my phone have led me to allot less and less time towards reading. As my education furthered, I became a fluent translator between the two languages. After recognizing the importance of writing I also realized that I must let go of the previous negativity towards it. Whether Chinese or English, reading or writing, it is now insignificant. I’ve learned the value in appreciating it all, equally.
Responded to Carol Yin
I found it amazing when you said “My thinking process was an intertwined mess of Chinese and English in which I kept finding myself unable to sort out”. As someone who can also speak 2 languages there are times when I get confused between the 2. Although I have never had them mix, there has always been a distinction between the 2, like an on and off button that sometimes gets miss-clicked. I feel like the easy use of different apps gives an easy sense of distraction and pleasure that can give the same type of feeling to books in less time. There has been less love for books. I love that at the end you found the value in appreciating the skills of reading and writing in both languages. After the beginning conflict the ending of a type of resolution was nice to see.
Your story was very interesting to read because you came from a completely different point of view than me, you had two separate journeys with literacy. One of them being with Chinese and one of them being with English, which you focused on. Although English is my first language I can definitely understand how going through the ELL program would disrupt a child’s routine especially after believing that you were doing fine in English. I’m sure that that would be a difficult pill to swallow for a young child. I remember one time in elementary school I was pulled out for a one-on-one speech class, I thought I was in trouble. I had such a fear of missing out on what my class was doing, I had an immense fear the entire time that I was missing something fun and this class was my punishment for behaving badly. I did enjoy that you did end up appreciating the ELL program with your reading journey and then eventually writing, it was encouraging.
Your comments about learning in a different setting than your peers and how you were still able to find success throughout your primary education shows great proof of growth and perseverance. Your entrance into English literature and language is very different from mine, and shows a perspective that I usually fail to consider in my everyday life. The way you described going to ELL twice a week was also very telling that it “magnified my shortcomings and differences.” This was very well said, that although ELL was there for additional support, it only reinforced differences that made reading and writing less appealing. And although you faced this adversity, you were still able to be successful as an English reader and writer, and that as reading became easier, it seemed to take up more and more of your free time. Additionally, I agree with your statement about how although writing may be a burden and something that may not be appealing at times, it is also very important to recognize the value of writing.
Your early interaction with reading and writing must have been overwhelming and chaotic at times. You definitely have overcome some tough obstacles. I can’t imagine the intermingling of two languages. I like how you address a relationship with reading and writing. Thanks for sharing.