Ok, this is kind of a sad essay because this year hasn’t been my best. I’ve been trying hard though! This is a stream-of-consciousness style blog post for sure !! 😀
The first semester of my senior year was probably the hardest academic year I’ve had yet. I made the mistake of taking only difficult/work-heavy classes, which added to the stress of the college application process. I think this was a mistake because the combination of BC Calculus, AP Physics 1, and some other unfortunate life events has really made me lose steam. My motivation to learn (or do anything) is kind of going down the drain. This is kind of a depressing blog post but I honestly don’t have too much more to write about. Recently, all of my brain space has revolved around maintaining my grades and getting my work done. My physical health and mental health have been put on the back burner, but I feel like I don’t have the academic freedom to care for myself right now. I worry that if I give more time to myself, I will have less time to study. My grades right now aren’t quite where I want them to be, and I’m afraid if I spend less time working to put myself first, they will fall even further. I think a break is needed for me, so I can reset and pick myself back up before school resumes anew.
This semester taught me the importance of balancing work and relaxation. Unfortunately, I’ve been feeling like my schedule doesn’t allow me much time to relax, and when I am supposed to be “relaxing,” I’m too busy worrying about what’s coming next. At least now I know what happens when you don’t keep the balance, and hopefully, I keep this in mind for my future self. I learned that when you can’t balance work and relaxation you begin to lose your identity. You lose time to nurture what makes you unique, like your hobbies, your relationships, and your interests. Over winter break I’m really hoping I can focus on taking care of myself, I’m realizing that I really haven’t felt relaxed since freshman year. Every winter, spring, and summer break since I’ve woken up early with “I need to study for my SAT/ACT” as the first thought in my mind. I miss the freedom that comes with not needing to worry about grades or standardized tests.
The advice that I’d give to future seniors is to make sure you balance your course load. Especially senior year, where you’ll have writing college applications to focus on. I’d suggest to them to take a fun class that they have a genuine interest in. Senior year is also your last year of high school, so take advantage of the classes that are offered. I really want to take Ceramics or Painting or Senior Foods, but I will never have the chance to take those classes at Naperville North anymore. So my biggest advice is to take classes that you’re interested in and complete your applications as soon as possible!
Despite feeling sad about my current course load, no matter what classes I choose, I don’t think that there should be regret. While I’m really sad that I won’t experience these classes in high school, the hard classes that I’m taking now might better prepare me for the rigor of college. (I am kind of worried that college is just going to be even harder. Since I want to go into medicine, I’ll have to continue spending my time productively throughout college and college summers. Also, because of the rigorous lifestyle of a doctor, I do worry a little that won’t be able to relax until I’m retired, but I’m hoping that this isn’t the case.)
In a few months, I’ll probably be feeling a lot freer, and hopefully, my love for learning will have returned. I think right now I just really really need a break. This post is kind of a spiral, and I’m a little sorry you had to witness that hahaa.
