I feel like for a long time, the media has portrayed teenage girls in such a negative light. Tons of movies and shows have portrayed teenage girls as vain and shallow: obsessed with make-up and shopping and boys.
For a while, I fell into this “trend” of hating on teenage girls. I rejected the color pink. I rejected femininity. I rejected dresses and pretty shoes. I rejected boys to the point where I’m surprised my parents didn’t think I was lesbian.
I stuck to baggy clothes. I didn’t let my mom buy me new shoes until they were visibly unwearable. I once proudly announced to my family and my family friends that “I was not into boys.”
I rejected all of these little things that piqued my curiosity. All out of fear of being seen as the shallow caricature of a teenage girl displayed across my TV and computer screens. I was afraid of being laughed at like the tracks in the background of some 2000’s sitcom. Embracing feminity made me feel a shame that could have only been planted in me by the outside influences of media.
As those around me and I have grown, I’ve begun to embrace what it means to be a teenage girl. To be a teenage girl is to have a somewhat understanding of the bitterness that society injects into us, but to still feel the same capacity of love and excitement for the future as a child.
I don’t want to continue taking my happiness, my interests, and my body for granted because of what society believes a teenage girl is or should be.
So, here are some things I love about being a teenage girl:
- writing in all caps to maintain an unspoken aesthetic
- whispering secrets into my friends’ hair
- witnessing arguments and conflicts among friends and the unique thrill that comes with working to fix them
- feeling pretty in simple clothes that remind me of the “it” girls i see on pinterest
- being at the golden age where i can go out wherever i want but still have a safe and familiar home to return to
- picking up new hobbies and putting them down as the thrill of novelty subsides and the effort begins to feel like a little too much
- baking with ingredients purchased with my parents’ money
- window shopping online instead of writing this blog post
- the thrill that comes when a new person confides their secrets in you
- keeping a collection of stuffed animals that date back to when I was an infant (my dad called them my citizens [my childhood favorite plushie being the mayor, of course])
- stalking people on Spotify and creating a story about them (which obviously has to be true)
- hey, what’s that heartbreak/falling in love/anger playlist about?
- playing card games on a picnic basket because we don’t have school on a weekday, and it’s still sunny out
- playing these card games until it’s dark and the mosquitos are starting to bite
- retreating from the mosquitos and the chill of the night to a warm home that isn’t yours (it’s my friend’s, her mom is really nice) but still feels like it
- planting my whole face into my pet and just sitting there, for maybe thirty minutes, because i don’t want to do my bc calculus homework
- baking a cake for the hell of it, because i have too much time when i’m not doing the homework that i should be doing
- being able to run down the steep hill in downtown naperville without worrying about old ankles giving out
- feeling pretty in a new dress
- finding a new comfort food and eating solely that for at least one of my meals for like a month (right now it’s chicken soup and orzo)
- waking up to the smell of cooking on Christmas, or Easter, or before a family party
- watching a movie in my living room with my parents and my brother
- Listening to my dad enthuse about the film/actors/directors
- “Look how young she was, Lisa (my mom)!”
- Listening to my dad enthuse about the film/actors/directors
- getting driven by my friends even though i already have my license
- going on taro boba runs at 9 pm (just because we can)
- binge watching a show until late in the night, even though i still have school the next day
These are just a few things about living at this age, as a teenage girl, that I’ve taken for granted. These little things make life so much more vivid and bring a vibrance to all of the little moments that surround them. Not every moment has been good, and not every moment will ever be good, but I’ve started to begin recognizing the little things that make life worth living (and that makes it feel worth living even more).
Hey, Elyse! This love letter is the cutest. I relate so much to it. Growing up, I always felt like I had to be tomboy-ish and different than the “mean girls” portrayed in media. You’re right, there is always so much negativity when teenage girls embrace feminity and then hate when they reject it when grown. I think a lot of girls growing up in the 2000s have this mentality because there was so much effort to be different. I always wore sports clothes and tried to be aggressive in order to fit in with boy friend groups. But when that didn’t work, I felt so lost. Even now, I’m confused. Why did I have to be too feminine for “boy” friends, but too masculine for “girl” friends? Just starting last year, I’ve been embracing this feminine side of me. I can see the progress that I’ve made now. Before, I would adamantly say no to going to prom. Now, I’m dress shopping for light pink dresses that have tulle on them. Younger me would be absolutely appalled. Although we may have missed our youth embracing femininity, we can prevent this from continuing for younger generations. Thanks for the post! Love the message! xoxo
Hi Elyse,
I really loved the sincerity of your blog post. I certainly believe that being a teenage girl is a beautiful thing, and it is something that every girl deserves to experience and enjoy. Femininity is wonderful and deserves to be appreciated. Growing up, I definitely noticed the negative societal attitude toward teenage girls. To me, it seemed that all teenage girls did was talk on the phone and paint their nails. Now, I realize that this is certainly not the case. There are many aspects of femininity and female adolescence that the media does not display. Many of these aspects are positive, and wonderful, however, due to the fact that many young girls do not see these aspects, they begin to resent the idea of femininity. I also enjoyed reading about what you love about being a teenage girl. While many of these things were a unique representation of your experiences, many were also universal. The emotional bond that teenage girls have with their friends and the feeling of putting on a dress are experiences that almost every teenage girl can resonate with. Femininity is amazing, and I certainly believe that it is important for everyone to recognize that.
Elyse, my babe. If I could have you romanticize everything in my life, I would be completely and utterly unstoppable. I love hearing about all the things you love to do — I absolutely went through a “I’m not like the other girls” phase too. I wore only black, I said the color pink was stupid, I only listened to, like, old man eighty’s music and Panic! At The Disco and Fall Out Boy to try and be cool and not fall into the teenage girl trap (please note: this phase was in middle school and I HAVE grown significantly, I pinky promise). I think that the ‘not like the other girls’ thing was something that really negatively impacted me as I was growing up – I too didn’t want people to think I was too vain or too shallow, I just wanted to have friends and support. Then again, middle school was not a great time. But anyone that says it was good is lying to themselves or peaked in middle school. I appreciate your openness and honesty, and I love seeing how you adore all the little things in life. Also, shout out to window shopping online instead of writing the blog post. That one hit home. You are the best Elyse!! Thank you!
Hey Elyse! I loved reading your blog post, and I think it was a reminder that I needed. Being a teenage girl is beautiful, and although it can be difficult, it’s also a lot of fun. In most of the shows and movies we watch as kids, they misrepresent femininity. Usually, the most feminine character is vain, and ends up being the antagonist. However, there are so many powerful traits that girls have that make them positive role models, and I think those aspects should be portrayed more on television.
Your list was so heartwarming. I enjoyed reading the things you love about being a girl because I could relate to most of them. We shouldn’t take for granted simple joys like baking, getting food with our friends, watching movies, playing games, and wearing dresses. The things we’re made to be ashamed of are actually exciting and often bring us together. One of my favorite parts of being a teenage girl is that we often support and rely on one another. Although a lot of our interests seem superficial to adults, they are markers of important qualities like friendship and exploration. Instead of being ashamed of femininity, young girls should look forward to the simple joys that come with being a teenage girl.
Hey Elyse! This post is adorable! It’s so interesting to see perspectives on what it means to be a teenage girl. When I was younger, I hated dolls. For some reason, I disliked anything that depicted anything girly. I loved Legos and video games. I don’t know if it’s because I admired my brother and wanted to play with him, or if I really just didn’t enjoy that stuff. Anything I thought would contradict later in life. I hated dresses and skirts but that didn’t make me any less girly. Whatever I saw on TV was so crazy to me because of how much they emphasized the stereotype. The girls would always have hot pink clothing with a compact mirror and lipstick. Although this might not relate completely, I remember watching this video of kids being asked to “run like a girl” or “throw like a girl” and everyone who was asked except the girls showed the typical “girly” way. I’ve seen this video a couple of times throughout the years and it really resonated with me. A lot of my mindset has changed now. I like dresses and skirts but I love pants more. Pink is a pretty color but it’s not a girly color. Taking care of my appearance is important but messing around and having fun is still important.
Hi Elyse.
I feel that we were pretty similar in how we decided to present ourselves, but I’m not sure if mine arose out of the same reasons. Reading your blog had me do a bit of reflection. Though I didn’t arrive at the same conclusion as you (I don’t think that my insistence to dress or act a certain way arose out of the determination to not fall into archetypal teenage girl), I still appreciate that your blog made me think. So thank you for that.
In regards to the love letter portion of your blog, we had more in common. Many of the things that we’ve learned to embrace and enjoy are very similar. For two, I also cook exclusively on my parents’ dime and I also play a great deal of cards. I’d likely be able to write my favorite card game its own love letter, but that’s a conversation for some other time.
One thing not mentioned relates to my music taste. While most of my playlist is rap or r&b, I’m also an avid kpop listener. Because I used to routinely clown on my classmates in middle school who listened to kpop, admitting that I was a fan took a while. But now, like the rest of the things that define myself as a teenage girl, I’ve grown fond of the label.
Hey Elyse! I swear, I have been on an similar wavelength with you recently. I feel like it has been only very recently that I have felt comfortable and enjoyed my femininity, and I was absolutely able to relate to your earlier discomfort and rejection of this outward femininity. I feel like a lot of my own self-internalized hate or honestly discomfort just stemmed from wanting validation from others. Especially having a super close older brother who I always looked up too, I would get embarrassed if I acted too “girly” in front of him when I was younger, However, recently, I have been taking back my power!!!! II have loved waking up early to curl my hair, go on hot girl walks with Hugo (he gets it), and giving myself the space and understanding to do whatever I want.
Also, I’ve been telling everyone this recently, but Senior Year to me has felt like playing out the script of a quintessential coming-of-age high-school movie . Sometimes, I’ll just be driving and I’ll think of how classically American teenager it is for me to drive to school each day, go on morning coffee runs with my friends, make spring break plans with friends, talk about the universities we are going to and Prom. It all feels so scripted but in a way where I just simply can’t believe how simple my life gets to be.
Elyse,
This blog was so beautifully written and I resonated with a lot of it. When I was younger (elementary school age) I was a typical girly girl. I loved dressing up and accessorizing. Somewhere along the way in middle school and the beginning of high school, I was determined to be “different” and reject common stereotypes associated with girls. I too rejected the color pink and I absolutely detested my room which was decorated with pink flowers and butterflies on bedding, curtains, book shelves, dressers, lampshades, etc. I really hate to admit this but I once did a school project on how I didn’t like my room and I explicitly remember saying how pink just wasn’t a color I enjoyed based on pure preference alone instead of its relation to being girly. Your bullet point list is amazingly written and could honestly be a stand alone poem. I think my favorite point was about feeling like the “it” girl as seen on pinterest. At the beginning of my style evolution, when I truly wanted to dress for my personal enjoyment and confidence boost, I went to pinterest and added to my board for outfit inspiration. Those girls embodied everything I wanted to be and what I partly still want to be.