Autumn in Prison
BY CONNIE LEUNG
In memory of John Fowle
these leaves are not from in here
they are nothing like the towering pine
that prickles crevices into my sky with its
decaying and sullen branches
these leaves are robust & hearty still
sneaking their way onto a stage
of concrete like renegade
prima donnas at burlesque
they dance and flicker
bare glimpses of saffron & sepia
blow kisses from lips a tint of rouge
i am certain
no man can recreate
these leaves must be
the ones you saw each day
as you sat close by painting
they huddled together didn’t they
and danced harmoniously
as they fanned rainbows into your sky
i create a story in my mind of how
you must’ve smiled and pressed
those rose-kissed cheeks toward your eyes
but your leaves are changing in here
as all the fallen do
i watch as one little ballerina races by
unable to keep pace
she collides into a steel wall
half her body in my company
half her body reaching for you
her slippers tear in the struggle
i whisper to her you’re still beautiful
and tell her you should go
she twirls her head blushing
then exposes her drying heart toward me
she waits for me to come for her
she waits for us
to save each other
—
By simply reading the title of “Autumn in Prison,” I thought that I had an idea of what this poem was about. The title is immediately followed by a dedication, and I figured that this was a personal message about a familial separation caused by incarceration.
However, I quickly became confused, especially by the imagery and symbols. Why was so much dancing referenced, and where did prima donnas and ballerina slippers fit into the picture? Is the ballerina supposed to be the speaker or the audience? To figure this out, I began analyzing bits at a time.
The first part of this poem included affirming what I had already assumed about the poem, in reference to the divide due to imprisonment. However, I then became confused once it mentioned pine “prickling crevices” into the speaker’s view. Crevices are tiny cracks or fissures, and I was confused about how these could be created in something as vast as the sky. With this confusion, I referenced back to the speaker’s choice to use the words “my sky.” Using a possessive term, “my sky” instead of “the sky,” made me realize that their view of the sky is limited. This only affirmed the speaker’s position in prison, with a small window. As a result, something as small as pine needles can reduce their already-limited view of the sky.
The next part I attempted to break down was the second stanza, packed with movement and personification. I struggled with the bountiful characterization of the leaves. They were said to be “sneaking” and “renegade,” and I was perplexed about what was rebellious about the falling of leaves. After all, it is quite obvious to see, and it is expected every year. However, I thought more about what it meant to be a renegade, and turn against a greater mass. The “sneaking” was the separation of a single leaf from the tree, but the significance in the greater picture was unclear. It could be celebrating individuality, or breaking away. Or maybe it was meant to contrast the freedom of the leaves to dance away, while the speaker remains in the cell. I thought my last guess made the most sense in reference to the subject, but I remain a little confused.
Additionally, what perplexed me was the use of an ampersand. The ampersand tied together robust and hearty, and saffron and sepia. After a quick search, I realized that saffron and sepia are yellow and brown, typical colors on autumn leaves.
The ampersand creates a close association between the two words, and seeing how yellow and brown are typically mixed together, it is also implying that strength and cheerfulness come hand in hand. Maybe the speaker is attempting to learn from their observations of the leaves, and the sturdy/exuberant/free image that they have created.
This forced me to think about the symbolism of the leaves, which are typically related to nature and growth. But in this context, it is autumn and they are falling, showing the change in season and the preparation for winter. This could signal the passage of time, but it may also show why the speaker is missing the audience. Autumn can be an exciting time, as colder weather can signal the many holidays upcoming, a time that would typically be spent with loved ones.
The shift from the description of leaves and the memory to the ballerina was the most confusing part of the poem for me. She is visibly struggling, a contrast to the picture-perfect expectations that ballet often requires. But I hesitated with the reason why the ballerina, a symbol of femininity and perfectionism, was the focus of the poem. The past stanzas had mentioned the femininity of the leaves, saying “no man,” but I struggled to find the significance of gender in reference to prison. Maybe this made it more difficult because there is a lower percentage of female inmates.
In addition, it says that she “collides into a steel wall,” I wondered if this was related to an accident, and maybe even the reason that the speaker was incarcerated. I initially thought that the speaker had changed and that somebody was explaining the mistakes of the original speaker. However, I began to believe that the speaker could be either the imprisoned person, the loved one waiting for them, or maybe even both. However, as I reread, the italicized words “you should go” had the greatest impact. This made it all fall into place, as the incarcerated speaker watches their loved one continue to struggle as well, attempting to encourage them to move on in the difficult time.
I thought the author had also stressed the duality of the impact of the situation. Although “tear” may have meant ripped, it could also be referencing tears from crying. However, I was perplexed as to why the author chose to say “drying heart” instead of simply “dying heart,” a more practical description. I looked up the definition of drying and found that to “dry out” is theatrical slang for forgetting lines, and messing up in a performance, just like the ballerina.
In the ending paragraph, the speaker repeats “waits.” The situation requires a lot of patience, and the ending purpose of saving each other is reaffirmed. I believe that this poem is about the difficulty of a loved one being incarcerated on both ends, and the empathy that the speaker felt for their audience, even if they were the one detained. It’s, on one hand, a message of hope, but also asking the other to be able to move on, as it will take some time.
Looking back at the title “Autumn in Prison,” I can clearly see the subject of the poem and note the themes of loss, relationships, failure, and recovery. While there are still standing questions in the use of some symbols, I found it interesting to begin to peer into the emotions of an unfamiliar yet tolling experience.
Izzy,
I think you did an excellent job breaking down this poem because while reading through it I was having aha moments where your explanation made complete sense to me in the context of the poem. I understood that the pine needles created crevices in the person’s view of the sky because they must peer through the spaces between the pine needles that are obstructing their window. It is apparent that your research skills are top tier as you found out the additional meaning for “drying out” and connected this to the ballerina. Your thoroughness and openness to seemingly unrelated topics is what has allowed you to gain such a deep understanding of the poem. I am extremely impressed! While reading the poem, I thought that the ballerinas were actually the leaves the speaker was seeing. Racing by could be the leaf falling to the ground and then colliding into a wall on its way down. I interpreted the “half her body in my company/half her body reaching for you” as maybe each side of the leaf facing different sides. One side points to the outside world where the individual referred to as “you” is while the other side of the leaf is facing the speaker in prison. The imagery is very strong in this poem and I think you did an excellent job of using that and supplementing it with details of images it created in your mind to better grasp this poem.
Hi Izzy,
This is a super interesting poem, I love it. Before I read the poem, I wanted to find out who exactly it was dedicated to and what the author’s connection to the person may be. I scoured the internet, but I could not find out who John Fowle is. I did find out why the author, Connie Leung, is imprisoned. Allegedly, she and his boyfriend killed her parents when she was seventeen. Now, when I read the poem, I looked at it through a completely different lens than if I hadn’t known that information, so maybe I shouldn’t have found that out. Anyways, I really enjoyed your analysis of the symbolism behind dancing. A ballerina crashing is an interesting idea, because, as you mention, a ballerina is a symbol for peak femininity and perfection. I disagree about the dancing being separate from the leaves, as I see the leaves dancing as they fall into her cell, acting as imperfect ballerinas. I liked how you researched the meaning of “drying out,” as I didn’t know what that meant and learning the meaning of it elevated my interpretation of the poem. Perhaps the poem is about two incarcerated lovers, or perhaps the poem is about hope to leave prison for the outside world. I don’t know, this poem is complex and I’m tired. Thanks for sharing, Izzy!
Hey Izzy,
When I first read your title, I did not literally read it as a prison cell. I believed that prison was metaphorical and that the speaker was trapped in between seasons like Autumn, which can be tied to seasonal depression, emotional trauma, or the feeling of simply hating a time period because of past instances. However, as I read your analysis, I learnt to start taking a more literal approach to analyzing poems instead of immediately jumping to metaphorical reasoning. For me, the most confusing part of your poem was the ballerina stanza. It was random, felt our place, and genuinely made no sense to me in the context of the poem. Even though I did not understand all of the parts of your poem, I was able to see the author’s line of writing and thinking and just understand the overall gist of the poem. However, the ballerina was strolling differently than the rest of the poem and made me stop. I love the way you approached analyzing that part. I definitely would not have made the connection between ballerina and the idea of femininity and perfectionism, I always associated ballerinas with the idea of “beauty is pain” which has no connection to this poem. You did a great job of identifying all of the general themes of the poem.