(I accidentally made this blog too personal but I’m too far in now)
Roughly 20 years ago my parents decided to settle in Naperville, a place named “one of the best cities to raise a family.” My entire life I’ve enjoyed the comfort and safety of a city that’s always felt somewhat shielded from the realities of the world.
Me & Elyse (she’s been stuck with me for 13 years)
As you can probably tell, I’m leading into the ever-so-rapidly approaching post-secondary plans, a thought that’s been looming over most of our heads ever since we entered the NNHS stadium in crafted togas. It seems like most of my conversations this month have been about my plans for next fall: where I’m going, what I’m studying, and who I’ll be rooming with. I’m almost waiting for us to get tired of all these college discussions, and think back to what we talked about before.
Can you guess what school I’m going to
Ian’s blog a couple of weeks ago mentioned how he was so busy thinking about the future, that he’s begun to neglect the present. I felt this way when I spent hours thinking about schools and allowed present responsibilities to fade into the background. But as numerous changes await us and I find myself simultaneously living in the past, present, and future, I thought I would just talk a little bit about how I’ve changed through my years in D203, and how I will continue to change in my next steps ahead.
Meg’s private story freshman year (sorry)
I entered freshman year doe-eyed and ready to take on the world, amazed at the introduction of newfound independence and an abundance of new people to meet. I spent the next couple of years figuring out what I liked, who my friends were, and how I wanted to present myself. Or at least I thought I did until senior year hit me like a truck.
It’s amusing to think about how confident I was entering senior year, foolishly believing I had myself and the future figured out (I could not have been more wrong). But on top of figuring out whatever the next few years have to offer, I’ve honestly just been working through who I am, and what it means to coexist with others. Here are some jumbled thoughts I have as a final blog post.
ON NAMES
He’s just like me for real
First off, I wanted to talk about my name. No matter how many times I see “Izzy Chew,” I think I will always feel slightly disconnected from it. It’s not the name I grew up with, it’s something that I developed through school. Now it’s really the only name I go by outside of my home, and what I’ve always introduced myself as.
But as I stare at those four letters, I wonder what they mean to me, and what place it has in my future. “Izzy” feels so juvenile, can I be an adult and still have this name? Or do I go back to the variations that I use with my family, or even to my legal name? But then how do you let go of something that’s been attached to you for so many years, even if it wasn’t ever fully fitting? I don’t know how I’ll introduce myself in the upcoming years.
Me and Faye <3
ON FRIENDSHIPS
I’ve always been told that the people you are friends with are a reflection of yourself, and given the people I have in my life now, it puts a smile on my face. I think I tend to come off a little rougher with some of my friends, but I truly love and adore the people closest to me. I feel lucky to be an amalgamation of all their quirks and tendencies.
I tend to pour myself into the relationships I have with people, and I can only predict a difficult realization as we figure out what happens to all of us next. I often think about the last hangouts I’ll have when August creeps up on us, and if that might even be the last time we all hang out. People always say they’ll stay in contact, but that often tends to work out a certain way.
I’ve stressed over not seeing friends in summer due to poorly aligned schedules (sorry for crying during macro to Shan and Soohyun), but I think ultimately we should just cherish what we have now, and wait to see what the future holds.
I think I will always be open to meeting new people, but also revisiting familiar faces. I don’t know how many of my friends will ever read this or remember this, but I hope they know that even if we haven’t talked in months, I will always be down for a coffee date or out-of-season hot pot.
Me hanging out alone
ON SOCIAL ENERGY
As I said before, I love spending time with people and friends, but I still have my limits. This has easily been the most socially draining year of my life. I’ve spread myself thin, keeping up the energy I’ve normalized for myself. But it’s only left me exhausted. Being surrounded by people you like is a blessing, but at some point, I have to consider the diminishing marginal utility of spending too much time with my friends (haha econ). I’ve been learning to allow myself to spend more time alone, and that it’s okay to not always be going out.
ON INDEPENDENCE
My goal is to be able to eventually fully sustain myself, financially and generally. I want to learn to take care of myself properly and do some things by myself (I soon will conquer eating in public alone). I am forever grateful for all the things my parents do for me, but I know the time will come when I have to pick up my own slack.
ON CONCLUSIONS
Anyways, I am a work in progress. I’ve made many mistakes, and I continue to do so, but at the end of the day, I am still learning and reflecting! There is so much more I wish I could say, but the word count is nearing 1000, and I think this is a signal to close out.
Thank you for reading and letting me share some thoughts this semester. 🙂
Hi Izzy!! First of all, I have loved growing up with you. You have always been like a sister to me. No matter how long we might have gone without talking, or how different our friend groups might have become, it’s always been easy to talk to you. You feel like home to me <3.
I am definitely starting to understand the whole being “so focused on the future that you neglect” the present thing. I’ve started finding myself yearning for this day to end, but then finding myself wishing time would just pause.
Regarding your name, I think I was one of the little girls who first started calling you Izzy. (Lovingly, I think I will always call you Izzy) I think that the nice thing about college is that you truly can start introducing yourself the way you want to. I think that your family nickname is cute.
The impending reminder that I will be separated from a lot of my friends is something that hasn’t quite hit yet… I think it’s because UIUC is literally NNHS deluxe. I’m not sure how I’ll handle my final goodbyes to the friends who are movign out of state or even out of country. I’m excited to meet new people, but losing the people we have is scary…
All in all, despite your trips and mistakes, I’ve loved watching you grow into the person you are now. I really am so proud of how far you’ve come in confidence and openness. I hope we are friends for many more decades to come!
Hi Izzy!!! Congrats on your last blog post! I’ve had the same sentiment as you. Walking in those doors back in 2019 was crazy. I had friends and I had my older brother so I knew I wouldn’t be lost. Then covid hit and I lost the social aspect and by the time we went back to school my brother was off to college. Even so, I’m so glad I was able to become friends with you for the past two years and thanks for putting up with me! I personally love your name and I think you should stick with it. Sometimes I wish I had a nickname! Great econ joke! [:(] I’m a little afraid of independence. I like to consider myself independent but I know I still rely heavily on my parents. I think you are an awesome person and you bring a smile to everyone’s faces! I think it’s really bittersweet that we’ve grown up with these people for the past years and suddenly we’ll be launched into the world put on our own little path and this will all just be a childhood memory. I wish you the best in the future and I hope you’ll have a successful and fulfilling life!
Hi Izzy,
When I saw in your opening sentence that you said that you got a little too personal in your blog post, I knew I had to read it, because I love hearing about other people’s deep thoughts. I definitely resonated with a lot of the reflections you made in your post, particularly in regards to social interaction and on personal development. I happen to suffer pretty badly from FOMO, and this took a bit of a toll on me last semester— I would always worry about going out and not ‘missing’ all of the different social events that were going on. Ultimately, I think this belief stems from not being comfortable with being alone or feeling insecure about your social life. As I said, I would always wonder whether I was doing ‘enough’ to be out and about, but I realized that should not be the priority, but instead it’s okay to miss out on things. Not everything matters so much, and relaxing a little bit, enjoying what you have around you is good. Now, I am much more content with my life and do not feel the urge to ‘fit in’ as I used to. I am glad that you took some time to reflect, quite apt for a last blog post! Thanks for sharing.
Hi Izzy, I really loved reading this blog, and I really appreciated how honest and reflective you were. The fact that we are near graduation still feels a little unreal — I find myself shocked that it’s all almost over, that lofty topics like college and prom that have always been a distant prospect are suddenly immediate concerns. I think I also found that senior year was surprisingly transformative for me in terms of finding myself and my people.
The part about friendships especially struck me — I love what you said about pouring yourself into the relationships you have, and I really resonate with your worries about not seeing friends during the summer and not being sure how relationships will change and shift. I think that’s been one of my biggest fears about this ending — I have a tendency to not be the best at keeping up with people I don’t see every day, something I know I need to work on now that many of the most important people in my life will be scattering to various corners of the country. I’m hoping it’s something I can work through with them, that my friends will remain people I love and go to, even if they play a different role as time goes on.
On a more personal note — I am so glad to have been friends with you for so long, and I think it’s really special that we’re graduating now with a friendship that traces back to elementary-school Girl Scouts. Izzy, you are incredible and I think you’re going to have an amazing time in college, but please always tell me when you’re home so we can catch up and hang out.