(I accidentally made this blog too personal but I’m too far in now)

Roughly 20 years ago my parents decided to settle in Naperville, a place named “one of the best cities to raise a family.” My entire life I’ve enjoyed the comfort and safety of a city that’s always felt somewhat shielded from the realities of the world.

Me & Elyse (she’s been stuck with me for 13 years)

As you can probably tell, I’m leading into the ever-so-rapidly approaching post-secondary plans, a thought that’s been looming over most of our heads ever since we entered the NNHS stadium in crafted togas. It seems like most of my conversations this month have been about my plans for next fall: where I’m going, what I’m studying, and who I’ll be rooming with. I’m almost waiting for us to get tired of all these college discussions, and think back to what we talked about before.

Can you guess what school I’m going to

Ian’s blog a couple of weeks ago mentioned how he was so busy thinking about the future, that he’s begun to neglect the present. I felt this way when I spent hours thinking about schools and allowed present responsibilities to fade into the background. But as numerous changes await us and I find myself simultaneously living in the past, present, and future, I thought I would just talk a little bit about how I’ve changed through my years in D203, and how I will continue to change in my next steps ahead.

Meg’s private story freshman year (sorry)

I entered freshman year doe-eyed and ready to take on the world, amazed at the introduction of newfound independence and an abundance of new people to meet. I spent the next couple of years figuring out what I liked, who my friends were, and how I wanted to present myself. Or at least I thought I did until senior year hit me like a truck.

It’s amusing to think about how confident I was entering senior year, foolishly believing I had myself and the future figured out (I could not have been more wrong). But on top of figuring out whatever the next few years have to offer, I’ve honestly just been working through who I am, and what it means to coexist with others. Here are some jumbled thoughts I have as a final blog post.

ON NAMES

He’s just like me for real

First off, I wanted to talk about my name. No matter how many times I see “Izzy Chew,” I think I will always feel slightly disconnected from it. It’s not the name I grew up with, it’s something that I developed through school. Now it’s really the only name I go by outside of my home, and what I’ve always introduced myself as.

But as I stare at those four letters, I wonder what they mean to me, and what place it has in my future. “Izzy” feels so juvenile, can I be an adult and still have this name? Or do I go back to the variations that I use with my family, or even to my legal name? But then how do you let go of something that’s been attached to you for so many years, even if it wasn’t ever fully fitting? I don’t know how I’ll introduce myself in the upcoming years.

Me and Faye <3

ON FRIENDSHIPS

I’ve always been told that the people you are friends with are a reflection of yourself, and given the people I have in my life now, it puts a smile on my face. I think I tend to come off a little rougher with some of my friends, but I truly love and adore the people closest to me. I feel lucky to be an amalgamation of all their quirks and tendencies. 

I tend to pour myself into the relationships I have with people, and I can only predict a difficult realization as we figure out what happens to all of us next. I often think about the last hangouts I’ll have when August creeps up on us, and if that might even be the last time we all hang out. People always say they’ll stay in contact, but that often tends to work out a certain way. 

I’ve stressed over not seeing friends in summer due to poorly aligned schedules (sorry for crying during macro to Shan and Soohyun), but I think ultimately we should just cherish what we have now, and wait to see what the future holds.

I think I will always be open to meeting new people, but also revisiting familiar faces. I don’t know how many of my friends will ever read this or remember this, but I hope they know that even if we haven’t talked in months, I will always be down for a coffee date or out-of-season hot pot.

Me hanging out alone

ON SOCIAL ENERGY

As I said before, I love spending time with people and friends, but I still have my limits. This has easily been the most socially draining year of my life. I’ve spread myself thin, keeping up the energy I’ve normalized for myself. But it’s only left me exhausted. Being surrounded by people you like is a blessing, but at some point, I have to consider the diminishing marginal utility of spending too much time with my friends (haha econ). I’ve been learning to allow myself to spend more time alone, and that it’s okay to not always be going out.

ON INDEPENDENCE

My goal is to be able to eventually fully sustain myself, financially and generally. I want to learn to take care of myself properly and do some things by myself (I soon will conquer eating in public alone). I am forever grateful for all the things my parents do for me, but I know the time will come when I have to pick up my own slack.

ON CONCLUSIONS

Anyways, I am a work in progress. I’ve made many mistakes, and I continue to do so, but at the end of the day, I am still learning and reflecting! There is so much more I wish I could say, but the word count is nearing 1000, and I think this is a signal to close out.

Thank you for reading and letting me share some thoughts this semester. 🙂

At the beginning of the year, I created a step-by-step guide to becoming an indie Pinterest girl. However, I wanted to come up with a fresh list of activities that mysterious and indie girls do behind the scenes. While these pastimes are not meant to be done in public, simply partaking in certain hobbies will help build up a desired image.

In all seriousness, I’ve been looking for more productive things to do when I’m alone. The hours scrolling through social media add up, and I think there are better ways to make use of free time. I don’t consider myself to be that artistic or creative, but I think that it doesn’t hurt to do an activity just for fun. Given that, here is a list of activities that I hope to pick up, and how they create the desired aesthetic. Also, anyone can do the mysterious and indie girl look, regardless of who you are :).

LEARN TO CROCHET

Crochet clothing has an earthy yet dainty look, and people with crochet items seem 10x cooler. 

There are plenty of possibilities with a crochet hook and yarn, including hats, stuffed animals, and bags. The best part is that there are thousands of free crochet patterns available at your fingertips, and tutorials made for beginners. I don’t see myself making complex sweaters anytime soon, but the only way to get there is to start.

My recommendation to max out your levels of being mysterious and indie: Make a crochet shrug top. They are super versatile and probably very difficult to make, but a staple in a mysterious girl’s closet.

MAKE CLOTHING

Designing and creating clothing has to be one of the coolest hobbies a mysterious and indie girl can have. 

This is probably the most ambitious one on this list and not something that can be learned quickly. It can take many hours to even begin following templates correctly, so I expect it will take even longer to make your own creations. I guess mysterious and indie girls have a lot of patience. While making clothing doesn’t necessarily equate to being indie, there are many ways to implement this into creations. This has also been a dream of mine for a long time, and I hope to be able to get a little further with it. 

My recommendation to max out your levels of being mysterious and indie: Use Pinterest and Etsy to find simple sewing projects, or even check out YouTube tutorials. Be sure to read the reviews/comments to see how other beginners are taking it.

CREATE JEWELRY 

Making your own jewelry is simple and rewarding, and it allows you to easily express how indie and mysterious you are.

This is the only item on the list that I’ve tried recently, but I can confidently say that it’s so much fun, and it’s completely okay if it looks a little messy. Another bonus is you can completely control how the jewelry fits, a struggle that I’ve often experienced. Homemade jewelry adds an element of mystery, and you can use a lot of personalization with the metals and beads. While I’ve been focused on wire-wrapped rings, I hope to try other mediums and types of jewelry.

My recommendation to max out your levels of being mysterious and indie: Definite bonus points if you implement crystals somewhere. 

FLORAL DESIGN

What speaks “indie” more than arranging your own bouquet of flowers?

Inspiration struck when I was buying flowers at Trader Joe’s, and I attempted to create a pretty arrangement to match a vase I had just made. However, I realized I had no idea how to create a cohesive look. Floral design is more difficult to do on your own, and I have to recommend taking a class first. They will provide you with all the flowers you need, and teach you along the way. This might be a little less mysterious than the others, but it’s a cool and unique activity to try.

My recommendation to max out your levels of being mysterious and indie: Country roses are cooler and more indie than normal roses.

CONCLUSION

I hope others can find something interesting from this list and find some spark of inspiration for the summer to come. Since the schedules of my friends and I have horribly misaligned, I hope to at least learn a lot of things while I have the time. As always, please let me know any tips for being more mysterious and more indie.

SENIOR YEAR “BUCKET LIST”

This week, I received a text: 12 more Fridays left. A mere twelve weeks until graduation comes and my education in Naperville comes to a close. For almost four years I’ve walked through the blue and orange halls of NNHS, and I’ve become quite accustomed to the community. It’s weird to think that I only have twelve more weeks of it.

Favorite juniors

Yes, it is still premature to be concerned about such things, after all, it is only the 8th week of the semester. However, I wanted to make note of things I want to try or accomplish before the end of the year, and before the tears come streaming when I see my two favorite juniors in the stands of the NNHS football stadium.

Some of these notes are a little vaguer than others, and others may not be able to apply to everyone. However, I hope that this can help others reflect on what they want from the rest of the year.

1. DO SOMETHING ABOUT SLEEP

My last blog post was about this, so I won’t go into too much detail. However, my continual desperation for sleep has limited me from other opportunities and closed the doors to things I believe I would’ve otherwise enjoyed. I don’t want it to hold me back anymore. I’ve tried to start waking up earlier on the weekends and sleeping earlier on the weekdays. 

2. PARTICIPATE (EVEN IF IT’S EMBARRASSING) 

One of the most significant things to come out of senior year is that I’ve learned to be okay with embarrassment, or at least not shy away from it. It’s not that I’ve become any more desensitized to it, trust me I feel it, but I’ve begun to believe that oftentimes the experience is worth it. This doesn’t always end well, but what’s life without a few risks? As a result, I’ve tried doing everything offered to me this year. Senior assassins, Airband, and school dances. This is often easier said than done, but I’ve tried to push myself. New experiences can only teach me more about myself and what I like. And if things don’t go as planned, that’s okay. 

3. TAKE MORE PHOTOS / VIDEOS

This one might seem a little silly, as most people would say it is better to live in the moment. And while I do agree, sometimes these photos and videos can recover wonderful memories. I don’t mean to imply that every hangout should be bombarded with flash photography and poses, but a few quick shots to capture a few precious moments is all I ask for. 

4. INVITE PEOPLE OVER

For a while, I was hesitant about inviting people over to my house, but in recent times I realized I enjoy it. I’d love to have people over for movie or game nights or to watch reality tv shows until 4 am.

5. LEARN TO DRIVE ON THE HIGHWAY 

This one is embarrassing, but I have no idea how to drive on the highway. If I got on one right now, I would be in so much trouble. Because I feel that this is probably a necessary skill to have, I want to try getting on one sometime soon. 

6. COOK WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS

I have no idea how to feed myself. My dad enjoys cooking, and I need to learn, so I think it would be cool to cook some meals together. Hopefully, then I would be able to make a decent meal for my parents.

7. WATCH 3 TWILIGHT MOVIES IN ONE NIGHT

Although I believe gathering people for all nine hours of the Twilight Saga is unethical, I think I can get away with just watching the last three movies. I’d like to reaffirm my stance on Team Edward and convince others to follow suit. 

8. BIKE RACE WITH A JUNIOR

Soohyun and I have been putting this one off for a year, but we used to say that we would do a simple three-mile race to see who’s faster (definitely not the one who’s six feet tall). I’m not scared of losing, so this has to happen soon. Or we can do a milk mile. 

9. THRIFT IN CHICAGO

Evelyn and I have been meaning to have a day dedicated to thrifting in Chicago! I love clothes and I love sorting through secondhand clothing, it’s better for the environment and it offers more unique choices.

10. GO ON A ROAD TRIP

I hope I am not the one driving (because I cannot drive on the highway), but I think a road trip would be so much fun! The idea of being stuck in a car with my friends for six hours is a little funny to me, and I want to see how it plays out. Who will get mad first?

11. WAKE UP FOR A SUNRISE WITH FRIENDS

This is a more basic part of my bucket list, but I think it could be fun if it actually happens. There’s the simplicity of enjoying the cool morning breeze, and going out of each other’s way to spend time together. 

12. TAKE A ZUMBA CLASS

This is one Grace and I have been planning because we are very dedicated Mind & Body students. I’ve never done a guided exercise class before, so I think it could be a unique and enriching experience.

13. GO CAMPING

I’ve mentioned this to everyone, but I want to go camping. Even if it’s cold and it rains, I trust that it’ll be a fun experience. I want to go kayaking, have a bonfire, and ignore any unknown sounds coming from right outside of the tent.

14. START A RECREATIONAL TENNIS LEAGUE

I’ve never played tennis before, but I have one friend that has, and that is more than enough! I think it would be funny to gather people who don’t know tennis for a day and go at it. 

15. WAKE UP EARLY ON A LATE ARRIVAL DAY

I think I’ve said no to every single plan that’s been made on a Wednesday morning. Maybe next time I’ll have to say yes. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my very scattered list of things I want to accomplish senior year. Some of these are more detailed than others, but ultimately I just want to try new things and go out of my way to do them. I feel very lucky to have the friends that I have now, and I believe that we should make the most out of the time we have together.

12 Fridays left. Make them count!

Autumn in Prison

BY CONNIE LEUNG

In memory of   John Fowle

these leaves are not from in here

they are nothing like the towering pine

that prickles crevices into my sky with its

decaying and sullen branches

these leaves are robust & hearty still

sneaking their way onto a stage

of concrete like renegade

prima donnas at burlesque

they dance and flicker

bare glimpses of saffron & sepia

blow kisses from lips a tint of rouge

i am certain

no man can recreate

these leaves must be

the ones you saw each day

as you sat close by painting

they huddled together didn’t they

and danced harmoniously

as they fanned rainbows into your sky

i create a story in my mind of how

you must’ve smiled and pressed

those rose-kissed cheeks toward your eyes

but your leaves are changing in here

as all the fallen do

i watch as one little ballerina races by

unable to keep pace

she collides into a steel wall

half her body in my company

half her body reaching for you

her slippers tear in the struggle

i whisper to her you’re still beautiful

and tell her you should go

she twirls her head blushing

then exposes her drying heart toward me

she waits for me to come for her

she waits for us

to save each other

—

By simply reading the title of “Autumn in Prison,” I thought that I had an idea of what this poem was about. The title is immediately followed by a dedication, and I figured that this was a personal message about a familial separation caused by incarceration. 

However, I quickly became confused, especially by the imagery and symbols. Why was so much dancing referenced, and where did prima donnas and ballerina slippers fit into the picture? Is the ballerina supposed to be the speaker or the audience? To figure this out, I began analyzing bits at a time.

The first part of this poem included affirming what I had already assumed about the poem, in reference to the divide due to imprisonment. However, I then became confused once it mentioned pine “prickling crevices” into the speaker’s view. Crevices are tiny cracks or fissures, and I was confused about how these could be created in something as vast as the sky. With this confusion, I referenced back to the speaker’s choice to use the words “my sky.” Using a possessive term, “my sky” instead of “the sky,” made me realize that their view of the sky is limited. This only affirmed the speaker’s position in prison, with a small window. As a result, something as small as pine needles can reduce their already-limited view of the sky.

The next part I attempted to break down was the second stanza, packed with movement and personification. I struggled with the bountiful characterization of the leaves. They were said to be “sneaking” and “renegade,” and I was perplexed about what was rebellious about the falling of leaves. After all, it is quite obvious to see, and it is expected every year. However, I thought more about what it meant to be a renegade, and turn against a greater mass. The “sneaking” was the separation of a single leaf from the tree, but the significance in the greater picture was unclear. It could be celebrating individuality, or breaking away. Or maybe it was meant to contrast the freedom of the leaves to dance away, while the speaker remains in the cell. I thought my last guess made the most sense in reference to the subject, but I remain a little confused. 

Additionally, what perplexed me was the use of an ampersand. The ampersand tied together robust and hearty, and saffron and sepia. After a quick search, I realized that saffron and sepia are yellow and brown, typical colors on autumn leaves. 

The ampersand creates a close association between the two words, and seeing how yellow and brown are typically mixed together, it is also implying that strength and cheerfulness come hand in hand. Maybe the speaker is attempting to learn from their observations of the leaves, and the sturdy/exuberant/free image that they have created.

This forced me to think about the symbolism of the leaves, which are typically related to nature and growth. But in this context, it is autumn and they are falling, showing the change in season and the preparation for winter. This could signal the passage of time, but it may also show why the speaker is missing the audience. Autumn can be an exciting time, as colder weather can signal the many holidays upcoming, a time that would typically be spent with loved ones. 

The shift from the description of leaves and the memory to the ballerina was the most confusing part of the poem for me. She is visibly struggling, a contrast to the picture-perfect expectations that ballet often requires. But I hesitated with the reason why the ballerina, a symbol of femininity and perfectionism, was the focus of the poem. The past stanzas had mentioned the femininity of the leaves, saying “no man,” but I struggled to find the significance of gender in reference to prison. Maybe this made it more difficult because there is a lower percentage of female inmates.

In addition, it says that she “collides into a steel wall,” I wondered if this was related to an accident, and maybe even the reason that the speaker was incarcerated. I initially thought that the speaker had changed and that somebody was explaining the mistakes of the original speaker. However, I began to believe that the speaker could be either the imprisoned person, the loved one waiting for them, or maybe even both. However, as I reread, the italicized words “you should go” had the greatest impact. This made it all fall into place, as the incarcerated speaker watches their loved one continue to struggle as well, attempting to encourage them to move on in the difficult time. 

I thought the author had also stressed the duality of the impact of the situation. Although “tear” may have meant ripped, it could also be referencing tears from crying. However, I was perplexed as to why the author chose to say “drying heart” instead of simply “dying heart,” a more practical description. I looked up the definition of drying and found that to “dry out” is theatrical slang for forgetting lines, and messing up in a performance, just like the ballerina. 

In the ending paragraph, the speaker repeats “waits.” The situation requires a lot of patience, and the ending purpose of saving each other is reaffirmed. I believe that this poem is about the difficulty of a loved one being incarcerated on both ends, and the empathy that the speaker felt for their audience, even if they were the one detained. It’s, on one hand, a message of hope, but also asking the other to be able to move on, as it will take some time. 

Looking back at the title “Autumn in Prison,” I can clearly see the subject of the poem and note the themes of loss, relationships, failure, and recovery. While there are still standing questions in the use of some symbols, I found it interesting to begin to peer into the emotions of an unfamiliar yet tolling experience.

Sleep is my lifelong arch nemesis. Ever since the 6th grade, I’ve been grasping at the idea of sufficient sleep, but it has remained an unattainable dream. As my eyebags continue to deepen, sleep (or lack thereof) has become increasingly prominent in recent weeks. I wanted to explain some of my experiences and provide a brief breakdown of all things nighttime and sleep. 

This blog post is dedicated to my lack of blog ideas, my daily naps, and my precious iced coffees.

NIGHTTIME IS SO AWESOME

I wouldn’t be staying up all this time if I didn’t have a particular fondness for the night- it sounds silly, but something about it has always felt right. By the water, under a cool summer moon, and even in the midst of winter. I carry memories of the wind flinging my hair back, carelessly laying in the grass, and unsuccessfully chasing fireflies.

And even when it’s too late to be outside, there’s a certain clarity I feel during the night. It’s always been my time to think and exist. Even after the most chaotic and exhausting of days, nighttime belonged to me. It’s been my constant and my rock, no matter how tired I am.

And honestly, most of the time there is no true reason for me to be awake. But I never seem to want nighttime to end and sleep to begin. Sometimes I think I’m simply meant to be a vampire (in a cool and mysterious way) and never sleep, but the feeling the following afternoon often tells me otherwise.

WHERE DID ALL THE TIME GO? LATE TO EVERYTHING.

As much as I love staying up, I have to admit that it has consequences. During every school break, I frequently found myself waking up well past noon. The reason for this? Probably because I stayed up until 4-5 am every night. As you’d expect, the day was over before I knew it. Not the healthiest schedule.

However, this quickly became more of anissue when I had earlier obligations. Mornings were a chore, and waking up early was a strenuous task. Even with an abundance of alarms, I’ve woken up late for plans- if I even woke up for them at all. People avoid making morning plans with me altogether, knowing too well that I am not a morning person.

Sleeping through the day is my own issue, but once it began affecting others, I realized that some moderation is necessary. There comes a time to acknowledge that my sleeping habits hurt others too, and I have to set a more reasonable habit of staying up. I’m still figuring this one out.

FRIENDS ARE MY WORST INFLUENCE

This subheading may be a little exaggerated, and I do care for my friends very much. However, I seem to incessantly attract night owls into my life. More often than not I spend my nights talking to f

riends, which only pushes back the time until I go to sleep. I’ve often felt the instant regret of checking the time and realizing it was 6 am. Maybe if I didn’t know anyone else that was awake, I would be forced into sleeping earlier. Unfortunately, I know too many people with broken sleep schedules. 

I’ve spent so many (stupid) nights staying up with my friends, but I don’t regret them either. I’ve spent hours laughing and crying, and the people I’ve stayed up with mean the world to me. I love my night owls and our nighttime discussions, even if we keep each other up.

PROCRASTINATION

It’s 11:02 pm as I’m writing this post, and I haven’t started my other homework. While I would’ve stayed up late regardless of homework, the assignments that await me don’t help me get any closer to improving my sleeping habits. 

But I don’t just procrastinate homework, I procrastinate sleeping itself. I’ve been decently light in my overall homework load recently, but I’ve been sleeping even later than usual. This might mean watching youtube videos that I’ll forget in a day, watching countless Instagram reels, or getting into an hour-long conversation over text (that really could’ve been talked about the next day). I always feel the need to win against sleep, and somehow sleep always wins.

FINAL WORDS

Sometimes I feel like I stay up because it’s all I’ve ever known. The night has always been mine, and fighting against sleep has become part of who I am. I have a lot to assess in my sleep habits, and there is a definite need for moderation. But for now, I’ll try to keep it to 2-3 am on weekends and work forward from there. 

*BONUS* MINI NIGHTTIME PLAYLIST 

Space Song by Beach House

Run by Joji

(dream) by salvia palth

Honestly, this semester was pretty rough. I have a lot of fun memories and some less uplifting ones. At least I can say I ended the semester with a lot of experiences, and I hope that I’ve learned a lot. Senior year is filled with many firsts and lasts, and I’m enjoying it while it’s here. 

Before this year, I always felt like school was supposed to always be my #1 priority, and everything came after it. While I know it’s still important to keep up, I’ve shifted into the mentality that sometimes you just have to live in the moment. Maybe that means going to dinner with friends when a pile of homework waits at home or going out on a Tuesday afternoon for the fun of it. I may have slacked into this mentality a little too much, trading studying for an extra hour for calling a friend, but if I could I wouldn’t want to take back all the fun times I’ve had. However, there are consequences to these actions as well. I learned that moderation is necessary, and I have more to learn about balancing school and socialization.

However, this year I met a lot of new people that I never thought I would have ever talked to. It’s been fun to find new friends, and I like talking to everyone. I’ve also been able to become closer to people I’ve known for a while, and I’m eternally grateful for my friends who have always been there to support me and be there for a good laugh. I think sometimes I forget I’m an introvert at heart, and it often can leave me feeling pretty tired. Once again, this year has been all about learning moderation. I’ve also learned to let go of people that were once close to me, something that’s not always easy. People can have a large impact on our well-being, but it’s important to remember to take care of yourself. This could mean surrounding yourself with the right people or taking time off by yourself. 

A good part of this blog post concerns my friends and other external factors in my life. I feel that with the stress of college and school, I’ve put off the things that I love. Potentially to the point that I’m unsure what I do by myself besides going on my phone or laptop and spamming my snapchat story (sorry if you’re on that, I don’t know if I have a filter). Next semester, I hope to be able to reclaim some of the hobbies I’ve had in the past and make the effort to take on new ones. I’ve always wanted to learn how to crochet sweaters and sew clothing, but I’ve never seemed to make any progress. Or maybe try to get into a consistent running routine, and spend some time at the gym (not LA Fitness, sorry again guys).

If I had any advice to give to incoming seniors, it would be to embrace whatever change is thrown their way. A lot of unexpected things have happened to me, but it’s how one reacts and adapts that matters. I don’t think there’s any point in dwelling on things that you can’t change or control. This is easier said than done, but I try to keep this in mind. I also feel that I am in a perpetual state of thinking about the future, and how everything I’m doing now could affect the course of my life. It’s a pretty scary thought, but I talk to my friends and parents and try to ground myself. Once again, worrying doesn’t help anyone.

Reflecting on the semester, I don’t think I would’ve changed much. While I wish I took college apps more seriously and maybe focused more on school, I’ve been cutting myself a lot of slack. I’ve made some mistakes, but I don’t fear them as much anymore. I’m a work in progress! It’s a stressful time and sometimes things don’t go as planned. Next semester, I hope to keep my experiences in mind in my decision-making. I also hope to end somewhat strong, but enjoy the time I have left with my family and friends. I know I have good people in my life right now, and I hope to cherish them while I can. I am also particularly concerned about two juniors, but I know they’ll be fine too.

First semester went by so fast. Sad for things to come to an end, but excited for whatever comes next. I’m also sad that this blog post kills my theme of completely unnecessary subjects, but that’s okay. My next will (probably) be about Team Edward vs. Team Jacob so watch out for that.

Oftentimes, I’ve heard of parents having trouble convincing their children to be involved in school and to try new things. However, I think I’ve often found myself in a very dissimilar dilemma. I try too many things. 

In this post, I’m introducing some activities I’ve attempted, and my varying levels of participation. Some clubs ended up meaning a lot to me, and others I don’t think I’ll ever partake in again. Regardless, I had fun memories in all of them.

A quick disclaimer: I do not mean to offend anyone who may be active in these activities, some of them simply weren’t for me. And honestly, except #4, I hadn’t fully participated in these clubs, and you might have had a more fulfilling experience than myself.

1. SCIENCE OLYMPIAD – FRESHMAN CARRIED

I decided to join science olympiad on a whim. At the beginning of junior year, I had convinced myself 

that I wanted to minor in chemistry, and as a result, I tried to join STEM-related clubs. 

However, this is how I learned that I do not enjoy waking up on Saturday mornings, taking notes, or completing research by choice. And I might not enjoy non-chemistry science either. Pretty key elements of the club. 

All I have to show for my time in science olympiad are two bronze medals from an invitational that I did not attend. Although I learned STEM isn’t for me, I enjoyed spending my Tuesday afternoons hanging out and goofing off. I worked with another girl in my grade and three freshmen, and we all shared some laughs. Shamefully, due to my procrastination and unwillingness to take in-depth notes, my freshmen were much more knowledgeable about my events than me. Not much studying was done, but at least I can still wave to my former freshmen partners in the hallways.

Despite my comments, If you enjoy science and self-studying, this could be an enjoyable activity for you. I discontinued my participation after one year, but it allowed me to meet different people and humble myself in the process. To the current sophomores who competed in Write It Do It with me, this one goes out to you.

Rating: 6.5/10 – I wouldn’t compete again, but I would attend another meeting just for fun. 

Takeaway: I do not like science (besides chemistry).

2. SCHOLASTIC BOWL – I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING

I’m a big Mrs. Evans fan, and when I was offered to come to a scholastic bowl meeting, the answer was yes. Excited, I sat through half a tournament until I realized that I didn’t know anything. I came back for a few more meetings, but I don’t think I ever buzzed for a que

stion. Unless we do a Harry Potter trivia night, I don’t think I’ll be answering anytime soon. 

Scholastic bowl gets bonus points for having a great Instagram, but I do not know enough fun facts to contribute to the competition. However, I still have fun hanging in the back of the room, and working on homework as my friends practice.

Rating: 5/10 – I would hang out but not for too long. I don’t want to disrupt the friendly competition!

Takeaway: I’m not the most knowledgeable trivia night member, but I’ll bring enthusiasm.

3. COMPUTER SCIENCE CLUB – WHAT IS CODING

Saying I participated in the CS club is a stretch, but I’ve spent a fair amount of afternoons sitting on the floor of the CS room. I’ve made my mark attempting to play Papa’s Freezeria, but I had never picked up any work. Because I have a fair amount of friends who are genuinely part of the club and on the board, it’s fun to socialize, but I might consider myself more of a distraction than a participant. I tend to leave once the actual work starts, but it’s not a bad study environment. 

Rating: 4/10 – Probably won’t come back. And I had to fill out the attendance form once so it’s on my Infinite Campus. 

Takeaway: I like spending time with my friends, but it’s also good to know when to leave them to work. 

4. TABLE TENNIS – BEST MANAGERS EVER

Of all these clubs, table tennis has my heart. One day, my friend asked me if I wanted to watch the tryouts with her. Although I originally thought it was a silly suggestion, and probably not the best use of my Friday afternoon, I decided to give it a shot. In just one day, I ended up meeting a lot of people and had an oddly good time. Mr. Farrel had asked me if we wanted to be managers for the team, and we eventually agreed.

Although most of my work includes moving around tables, I enjoy getting to know new people and spending time with my good friends. I love attending tournaments and helping out, and I’ll miss the club a lot.

Rating: 9/10 – I love table tennis.

Takeaway: Sometimes, meeting a ton of new people at once can be fun! It’s worth trying.

5. ROBOTICS – MISSING IN ACTION

I had completely forgotten about robotics until I was halfway through this post. I only joined the club because I thought it would be fun to make buttons and try something completely new, but it wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m unsure what compelled me to pay the $250 fee, but after two meetings I never returned. Once again, I am not a woman in STEM.

Rating: ?/10 – I wouldn’t know, I was seriously never there.

This entry was on the longer side, but these are just some of the activities that I participated in without substantial reasons. I don’t regret attending any of them, and I feel really lucky to attend a school with so many options. I’m happy to have met new people, and learn where my strengths were. Taking risks can be fun, and I am a firm believer in trying new things.

If you’re familiar with my last blog post, it featured ways to display yourself as a “mysterious indie girl,” and leave people begging to know more. 

One of my favorite places to continue my mysterious indie girl activities is at the library, but I have to admit it often ends in failure. The cause of this? Too many chances to see people you know.

However, I had to drop in that THE Ashley Chen said I looked mysterious earlier this week at the library. 

Anyway, this is a breakdown of some of my best and worst Naperville Public Library interactions, and how to recreate/avoid them.

1. ACCIDENTAL PSAT MEET UP

On the day of the PSAT, seniors didn’t have class. Because I was inappropriately behind in college apps and school, I decided to switch up my study environment and make my way to Nichols. I had confidently walked in in my shark slippers, ready for a productive day of mystery and essays. But on my way in, I spotted two post-PSAT juniors (Matthew & Soohyun). Not a great start. I made my way further into the library, and I saw a glass room filled with NNHS AP Lit students. You can guess who this played out. 

Unfortunately, I am cursed with the inability to be quiet when I’m near my friends. This 

day had ended in zero productivity, and a collective $30 spent on boba alone.

And even when I tried to separate from the group, I kept making accidental eye contact over the glass cubbies in the quiet zone (shoutout to Kathryn). It happened multiple times.

The problem: Friendship

The solution: If you feel the urge to go to the library on days off, don’t. Or at least make sure your friends aren’t there first. Sometimes I set time limits on myself, and if I don’t get any work with my friends for a certain amount of time I would go home or to the cubbies (away from others). 

I’m currently writing this entry at the library on election day, and was surprised to not find any friends! That is the reason this post is being written.

2. THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE DMED OVER INSTAGRAM, BUT HAVE NEVER TALKED TO

This one may not be a single interaction but it has happened time and time again. 

People spend hours on social media every day, especially Instagram. With the habit of constantly viewing other people’s pictures, you start to recognize the names and faces of those you have never met. If it’s a random person, it’s normally fine, but the complications start when it’s a friend of a friend or someone you have connections with but don’t talk to. 

However, these are supposed to be the people that you ultimately never interact with, or maybe at most a couple of times a year.

Although some people go to great lengths to avoid seeing others in public, I’m normally open to the idea. It can be quite fun! Unless you’re in the library.

Here, I find myself sitting in an uncomfortable chair, and wondering what to do. I become the person desperately avoiding eye contact, unsure if I should say hi to them.

The problem: Do I even know you?

The solution: If it’s an acquaintance, do a quick wave, but then walk away with a purpose. If it’s a further connection and they’re in your line of sight, simply go to a different part of the library or avoid looking in their direction.

3. PUZZLE DAY!

Not every day at the library has to be a study day. My friend and I have developed a fondness for the puzzle table in the library, which is often overlooked. But in all honesty, we only discovered it to avoid studying and to pass the time. 

One day, we spent an unfortunate amount of time trying to finish the puzzle but were very disappointed to not be able to finish it.

However, weeks later, we found ourselves back at the library, and there was a man we didn’t know who was almost halfway through the puzzle. With three people on the job, we began to make real progress.

Although talking to a random man you met isn’t always a great idea, we had so much fun and managed to finish the 1000-piece puzzle! People I had known dropped by at times, taking a look at how much progress we had made (shoutout Celina).

The lesson: Puzzles bring people together ❤️.

The recreation: Try the puzzle table. It might not be for everyone, but it doesn’t hurt to sit down for a second, especially if you have been working hard. It can be frustrating, but patience is important.

*BONUS* FIELD TRIPS

Unsurprisingly enough, my favorite library interactions are the ones where I end up not studying. Library field trip!

Once again, everybody needs a break from studying and being at the library. This could be going out to lunch at Everdines, or driving around to pick up your friend’s sister.  

Anyway, I have so much fun most of the time, maybe even too much fun. Every time I go I know that there might be an awkward interaction, but maybe there will also be a good one. 

I hope this can help you navigate future uncomfortable situations at the library. 

A few days ago, I was talking to my best friend Soohyun when he told me that people don’t care if you’re mysterious. In response, my jaw dropped to the floor. 

I’m a Pinterest frequenter, and if you’re unfamiliar with the platform, it’s filled with millions of ‘aesthetic photos,’ and all the latest trends. You’ll often find pictures of girls with their hair up in a claw clip while wearing pretty dresses. Pinterest is infamous for its romanization of life, but what makes Pinterest different from most other social media platforms is that it’s mostly anonymous. Pinterest is meant to be catered to you, filled with people and places you don’t know. It learns from what you save and then puts photos that you might like on your feed.

You don’t see your friend’s selfies or homecoming photos, it is simply filled with your interests. It’s the most popular place to find photos for a vision board, and you’ll often find that the faces of the people themselves are hidden, or at least not the focus of the photo. In addition, it’s difficult to find where a photo is from, especially because some images are reposted by many different creators. Although it’s filled with influencer pictures, you’ll rarely find people with a loyal Pinterest following.

So why does Pinterest relate to being a “mysterious indie girl,” and what does it mean to be one? 

Pinterest is littered with mysterious indie girls. I consider it the mysterious indie girl hub spot. But to figure out what this really means, I’ve created step-by-step instructions on how to bring your mysterious aura to its full potential. 

1. Find a record player, corded earbuds, or over-the-ear headphones. Preferably all three.

This is an essential part of the process and the beginning of the characterization of a mysterious indie girl. In public, when you’re listening to music, people can’t help but wonder: Who is that girl? What is she listening to? How is she so mysterious? And other such remarks. You’ve created your own bubble, one that they may be unable to figure out. 

Additionally, you need to find your way to a record shop. Rifle through dozens of sections, of bands you’ve never heard of and may never listen to. Although it’s an expensive hobby, listening to vinyls in your room will increase your mystery. Why aren’t you just using a Bluetooth speaker? That’s what they have to figure out.

Queue up your indie bands, and you get brownie points if you choose “underground music” when the artist has at least seven million monthly listeners on Spotify (I am very guilty of this one).

2. Buy a claw clip. 

As previously mentioned earlier, Pinterest, Instagram, and Tiktok all have an abundance of claw clip styles and wearers. Although I consider it the evolution of the messy bun era, it’s a really cute hairstyle that completes the mystery. Currently, I’m working on this step, but I can’t seem to perfect the look. Honestly though, I love the effortless beauty of the claw clips. It’s simple, it’s elegant, and I love to see it.

3. Take a visit to your local thrift store.

Another mysterious indie girl spot includes secondhand stores. The women in there are always styled up, and I make sure to wear my best outfits in case I run into a mysterious indie girl. Here, you can find unique and “vintage” pieces, and layering in your outfits will soon become your best friend. As you go through the racks, remember how mysterious you look in an unfamiliar place, and have fun looking for more mysterious pieces.

In all seriousness, thrifting is a good practice, and a fun way to reduce the effects of fast fashion, so I would highly recommend trying it. Let me know if you want to go, and I’ll come with you! 

4. Wear brown, black, and as many neutral colors as possible.

Part of the mysterious indie girl look includes oversized pants and jackets, all in muted colors. If you scroll through Pinterest, it won’t take long for inspiration to spark. In my opinion, neutrals can never go wrong, and it’s fun to make outfits this way. Who is she? These neutral colors are really hiding something, the mystery is undeniable!

5. Read.

Reading, and studying, all add to the mysterious indie girl image. You could be on your phone, talking to friends, but no, you’re different, and that’s intriguing. What is she reading? I want to know more! Romanticize studying, it’s fun!

6. Side profile pictures.

The final, most important step. If you’re wearing headphones, you must take a side profile photo. It can be a mirror or taken by someone else, but once you get a side profile headphones photo, you have made it as an indie girl. I haven’t had mine yet, but it is truly a right of passage.

I hope that with these photos and instructions, you have all you need to understand what mysterious indie girls are. And I hope this proves Soohyun wrong. However, you will never understand a mysterious indie girl (because they are mysterious).

How is she so mysterious? I wish I could know more. I can’t, but I wish I could.

emo girl (feat. WILLOW) – Machine Gun Kelly, WILLOW

Released: 2022

Many of us met the hit song emo girl (feat. WILLOW) with mixed reactions, some finding it foolish,

maybe even laughable. Some of this response may be credited to the questionable reputation of the artist, and his very public relationship with Megan Fox, which has never failed to litter social media feeds.

“I think we weren’t allowed to see each other yet. We weren’t supposed to run into each other that night, so our souls, our spirit guides, were luring us away from each other, because you literally had no face, like that thing from Spirited Away.”

– Megan Fox in a British GQ Style interview

I would recommend taking a peek at more of their fairly entertaining quotes later. 

As much as people like to ridicule emo girl, these insults do not change the fact that it had made #77 on the US Billboard Hot 100. As a result, it’s only fair to give the song some consideration. And for those appalled by the song, bear with me for a moment.

But if you are unfamiliar with the chorus, I have provided it here. 

“I fell in love with an emo girl

I’m in love with an emo girl

I fell in love with an emo girl

All I want is an emo girl”

– Machine Gun Kelly, emo girl

At first glance, it may seem that the lyrics lack depth and originality. For some listeners, this may be a key component of a song. However, Machine Gun Kelly has made his message very clear: He loves an emo girl. 

There are not many complexities to this song, and with this, we can only assume that there are not many complexities in his love for an emo girl. He has ensured that all listeners will easily be able to tell that he is transparently devoted to an emo girl, and if there is anything to take away, it is that. Isn’t that beautiful? Why should the meaning have to be so hidden, so complicated? He openly shares this truth to all.

The simplicity of this song only makes it stand out amongst the rest. In all honesty, I haven’t listened to any other songs by Machine Gun Kelly, and very few by WILLOW. Sorry to disappoint any dedicated MGK fans, hoping to find another supporter. 

In a quote graciously provided by my friend,

“I like hate comments more than no comments

I don’t know you

BUT YOU KNOW MY NAME”

– Kim Namjoon, BTS Cypher 4

Even if you hate it, this song is out there, with over 73 million streams on Spotify today.

I have to admit, I was among the mass of people who originally did not have much faith in the song.  However, I’ve unfortunately developed the habit where I appreciate something as a joke, and then end up having the slightest obsession with it. Simply put: The undeniable catchiness of the song had won me over. My fondness of the song may still partially be a joke, but the lines of that have somewhat blurred. And writing a full blog post about it may further obscure that line. It was never my intention to focus this entry solely on this song, it just happened. Similar to my sudden inclination to it.

Emo girl has been played in my car and for my friends many times since. I believe that the song is best enjoyed in the company of others, but for maximum entertainment, I would recommend having other people yell the lyrics. I have disrespected acquaintances who consider themselves music connoisseurs and continue to do so.

Today, I often feel unable to prevent myself from singing the chorus of the song out loud (the only part I know), much to the displeasure of those surrounding me. 

In class, I was once asked, “Izzy, have you ever considered that you are the emo girl?” 

Following this, a request for me to please stop singing the song. However, I can confidently assure you that the song was picked up again a few moments later. I might not be a fan favorite in microeconomics, and I question if the trade-off was worth it. 

But then the question stands, am I the emo girl? Most likely not. Like the song, dislike the song, either way, you might hear me sing the lyrics.