Going Out With a Bang (energy)
One thing I learned is that I’m terrible at gaslighting myself. In all honesty, it’s a good tactic! I tell myself I studied enough, or that I’ll have time in the day to ready myself. But, it never worked. I waltzed into senior year ready to tackle my last year of high school and have fun. I took three blended classes and that was the worst schedule decision I’ve ever made in my entire life. It sounds very ideal, having a blended 1, 4, and 8. But if you know me as a person, I have absolutely no restraint. I sleep in first, I hang out with friends 4th during their lunch, and 8th I just never paid attention to anything. Junior year was terrible for me mentally. I’ve also learned that I’m really bad at working with others. Since joining peer tutoring in the second semester of junior year, I’ve tutored a total of four sessions. Four. I went three times a week. Also, I’m a pe leader and I’ve become the same as the leaders I disliked when I was in my freshmen year. They should be more selective when it comes to this. I dealt with a lot of issues that I was terrified would affect me this year as well, so I decided to pretend everything was fine. Grades won’t matter in the future and all I should focus on is spending more time with friends and family before I have to become independent.
Some advice I would give to incoming seniors is not to procrastinate on college applications. And ask for recommendations early. I had such a warped perception of college applications. I thought the personal essay would be easy to write, the supplemental essays were only like 150 words, and that I could finish them with no stress. That didn’t happen. I remember cramming in the little study room stressing about the essays. When you write these, isolate yourself, you’ll get nothing done with people around. To the incoming seniors, focusing on enjoying the school year is the most important. After this year, we’ll be waking up in a different room, and seeing different people, and social media is the only way we’ll be able to see updates from each other.
The last six months have been pretty fulfilling for me. I used to hate the bus, I haven’t taken the bus since freshmen year, but the traffic is awful. The bus schedule just seems so glorious than my tardies. My dad once complained that I took his car, so I asked if he could drop me off, but he had the audacity to say it was too much work for him. As of today, while writing this post, my perspective of Gabriela Clara Hernandez has changed. “Is there an ‘e’ in Santa Claus(e)?”. I’ve started to respect my parents more. This sounds terrible but I’m talking in terms of taking care of someone. My dad went on a ton of business trips so it was just my mom and me for a little. But ever since we both got covid, she’s been pretty sick and I took up the initiative to pick stuff up for her and cook. I didn’t realize how exhausting it was to do. My parents made sure to check up on me a ton but I wanted to be someone they could rely on. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s my parents’ first time living and that they’re not perfect.
Some lesson I’m going to take away from this year is that I really should do my work during blended times. My blended anatomy in the morning is not a late arrival nor a coffee opportunity. I need to learn how to stay more organized and manage my time better. Another thing I learned is that caffeine is never the answer. The drinks taste terrible and I just have cases of energy drinks that I can’t even chug because it’s carbonated. If I don’t sleep, I figure I’ll be fine if I just have an energy drink, and the anxiety I get from it is just a fun effect!
I know that I’m still on a journey of self-discovery but so far senior year has been extremely fulfilling with my friends and family. I’ve gotten all the support I need and I’m not sure I’m ready to create another chapter of my life.
Hi Jessica!
To be honest, your social life and ability to have fun kind of sounds like my dream right now. I really envy having the time to hang out with friends or relax during blended periods. I think we might be on two different sides of the spectrum. I have a really hard time letting myself relax, and as a result, sometimes nothing feels real, and I literally lose my ability to feel like my own person.
We should combine work ethic and then we’d be balanced ahaha… I’ve also really been lacking with some of my responsibilities #TheMerryTutor (sorry Ria).
I think I also severely underestimated how much the supplemental essays take out of you. I still have a few more to do but even the thought of doing more of them is making me nauseous. It’s really hard to pull things out of yourself and create a character that college can “ooh” and “ahh” at. It feels unnatural and I hated it too!
I think that it’s also really admirable how you’ve helped your parents while they’ve been away or sick. The idea that it’s our parents’ first time living seems so unnatural because we’ve looked to them for wisdom for our whole lives.
I’m really glad that senior year has been fulfilling for you, and I’m excited to have part 2 of AP Lit with you!
Hey Jessica,
Your title was really whimsical and it caught my eye. I can totally relate that junior year was bad. As someone who quite literally hated it – feel your pain. I am sorry that senior year hasn’t gone as planned, but I hope that the second semester is a step up. Although having three blended periods does seem like bliss, I can totally understand that it is hard to actually get work done when there is not someone watching you and keeping you accountable – I am the same way. That is why I decided to only take one blended class – this one!
In regard to your driving situation, as you know I cannot relate at all. As someone who literally does not have their driver’s license yet and only got their permit over the summer, reading your blog made me feel a bit better about not having mine.
No matter how crazy this semester has been, I hope you and I still have AP Psychology next semester together and that we kill second-semester senior year! Remember, one step at a time, like in Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs.
Love your favorite #WomenInPsych,
Celina
Your post was super entertaining! I have struggled a bit htis year to get to school on time, but only four times have I been marked tardy! I haven’t seen received a lunch detention because I’m under that threshold, thankfully. I clicked on your post meainly for the title. I have been trying my best to avoid caffeine entirely so that I don’t become dependent on it. The problem is, it helps with my workouts so much! Without caffeine, I might have fallen asleep at the gym more than once. Regardless, I agree with your advice about not procrastinating on college applications quickly (yes, I know I changed the subject quickly but that seems to be out senior year has felt). As soon as my early applications were over, school started getting busier and then that became the focus. Regardless, good luck with your applications! I know that I almost rushed mine and submitted either low quality applications or was going to fall short of the deadline but lots fo work right before the end saved me. I’ve matured this year, and it sounds like you have too. Thanks for sharing! I hope you get into the schools you want to and I hope you get an A in macro with me next semester!
Hey Jessica! I can relate to the lack of restraint I have when it comes to going out during blended class days. Most of my friends had fourth-period lunch this semester while I had sixth due to AP Chem Lunch, so having Blended Lit was virtually my only opportunity to hang out with my friends during the day. And I would do that every single blended day. What is worse is that sometimes I would completely forget to look at the agenda for that day and thus my work would not get done until it was too late. This really stressed me out at first but I think you put it very nicely when you say grades will not matter in the future. I do want to go to medical school so for me it is the very very very far future, but in the grand scheme of life, my getting a B in AP Chem is not the end all be all. You give some really good advice about the school year. I only let 1 of my 13 college applications creep up on me and in that case, I was stuck writing four essays in the span of 8 hours, rushing to get it done before midnight. Besides that though, I think I kept the college application procrastination to a minimum! Procrastinating with my schoolwork was a whole other thing. But, I enjoyed my senior year and I am glad you did too! I hope you have a great holiday and enjoy a break from school!