Bubble tea! A nice, refreshing drink that’s a staple for everyone!

Initially, I didn’t know that milk tea originated in Taiwan. I always thought it was from China or something. 

Surprisingly enough, I didn’t even know it existed until six years ago when I started seeing it more. I first started eating tapioca balls with sugar as a snack when I was a kid because the kind my mom would buy looked pretty to me.

Every time I go out for boba I always go basic and get brown sugar boba! I’m not a fan of matcha or any of the popular flavors. 

My mom liked making milk tea for us since it’s really only black tea, milk, and sugar. She sometimes buys these huge bags of tapioca balls for this. 

Anyway, talking about my mom, she’s Taiwanese! I’ve always gotten confused about labeling myself and I still don’t know if Taiwan is independent but that’s a problem to solve later. This blog’s going to be about my not so really cultural identity crisis.

I’ve never really considered myself Taiwanese despite my mom living her whole childhood in Taiwan. I grew up pushing it so far away from me that her being from Taiwan was one of my fun facts. My mom has always considered Taiwan as its own country but my dad constantly said it wasn’t. Through the years that stance has dwindled a ton and since then she’s aligned with my dad.

To be fair culturally wise I’m not in tune with either Chinese or Taiwanese culture but I’m still Chinese-American. Not Taiwanese-Chinese-American? or Taiwanese-American? or whatever. 

The most upsetting thing is watching my mom stray further and further from her childhood. I’ve asked her to teach me some words in her language and the smile that spreads all over her face makes me wonder how much happier she would have been if we were able to pick it up. When my brother and I were younger, she wanted us to join the Chigaco chapter of FASCA which is

 essentially an organization that helps the second and third generation to help promote Taiwan through public diplomacy. Or at least that’s what this website says. One of the requirements for this was to have at least one parent that was from Taiwan. To be honest I felt extremely judged because I couldn’t speak Mandarin and barely understood the adults but it was a really fun experience that I wish I was able to push through just to learn more about my mom’s culture. There were a ton of activities that I thought I would never get the chance to experience like the dragon and lion dances. I’ve participated in a couple of parades for this organization but I still didn’t really feel immersed. I know these dances are Chinese but focus on the environment. At that time I think I was too young to appreciate what my mom was trying to do and now I wish I was able to break out of my little shell and learn even if it meant getting embarrassed a little. 

Taiwan just seems so fascinating to me. It’s where my mom grew up and it’s an island! My mom has talked so much about the night market there and how many amazing things there are but also how dangerous it can be. Even though the life she grew up in is vastly different than mine in every aspect, I want to know what her life was like pre-me.

My mom could go on for hours about Taiwan. She’s talked about the types of street foods I would absolutely love and that sightseeing that we could go on if we ever did have the chance to go together. We’re both getting older and I’m scared that trip might never happen because of the covid regulations and the times she’s gone back she wasn’t able to take me because of some family issues. So in a sense, it feels wrong to just say that Taiwan is still just China. I know ethnically that Chinese and Taiwanese are the same but it sucks that I’m not really able to verbally differentiate that without going into my family history. 

Taiwanese food is so good though. It doesn’t matter if it’s similar to Chinese food, that isn’t the point right now. One of my dreams is to speed down the streets in Taiwan on a moped and admire the little stalls and eat to my heart’s content. 

With my mama of course.