Kate's Blog

Typically, I love blogging because it makes me think. It gives me a little time 

for myself and my own thoughts, and provides me with the chance to piece together the puzzles my brain has constructed for itself. 

Today, though, I hate blogging, because it makes me think. 

I don’t know what to think. Approaching graduation, many of my peers have begun to dive into nostalgia; reflecting upon their high school career and sharing stories with each other. So far, I don’t feel any of that nostalgia. In fact, despite the happy memories I’ve made here, I’m ready to get out and start over.

Looking back at the blogs I’ve written this year, you can probably see that mindset. Unlike my peers, I didn’t write about fun senior-year traditions or things I was excited about. Rather, I wrote about pieces of me and the people and things that have shaped me, and I’m glad I did. Through reflecting upon myself and the parts of me, I’ve given myself time to think about who I want to be. It’s for this reason that I’ve loved blogging so very much. 

I can’t say I have a favorite blog. Each and every one of them means something different to me, because they reflect a different part of myself. I’m not just considering the topic, either—because I think the context in which these blogs are written means something too. For example, I’ll never forget sitting in an empty hotel bathtub, frantically analyzing a poem; or scouring my camera roll for blog ideas, just to find hundreds of photos of me crying; or having to take pictures of the contents of my pencil case in a Nichols Library huddle room while someone tried to kick me out. In a way, I’m grateful for the opportunities that blogging has given me to make these memories. 

Truthfully, though, the memories I made this year were rather…limited? It always felt like I was rushing to get things done and to achieve something I couldn’t, and as a result, I didn’t do anything super spontaneous or out-of-the-ordinary. I don’t think I liked this year. I don’t think that I was truly myself nor was I surrounded by people that I really flourished around. It’s not that I hated my peers or didn’t have friends—it’s that something has just been missing since everyone graduated last year, and I’ve been trying to fill it with things that probably weren’t the best for me. But at least I’ve learned to recognize this. 

Through trying to fill that void, I’ve learned that there’s a world beyond NNHS that we often forget about. I think one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my four years is that we live in a little Naperville bubble, but that there’s so much more beyond these walls. Each of our teachers have lived crazy lives that stretch magnitudes that we might not even be able to comprehend; when we complain about how early 4th period lunch is, we should really be thinking about how lucky we are that we don’t have 3rd or 7th period lunch like District 204 does; and it’s not necessarily always a good thing to be as competitive as we are, and sometimes we just need to take a step back and be happy. 

To future NNHS seniors, my biggest piece of advice: don’t let anybody tell you who they think you should be. Trust your gut. More so than ever, people are going to insert themselves into your life. If you know you can handle hard classes, go for it. Don’t do anything just for college applications, because when the time comes, those things won’t really matter that much. Remember that you are worth more than whatever you’re putting on paper. When the time comes, everybody is going to think that they know what school and what environment is best for you, but only you will truly know. Believe me, it’s never a bad idea to listen to your own opinions. 

You know, after some more thinking, maybe I am being a little nostalgic. 

It is my understanding that most of you probably know I have synesthesia: a condition where my senses are jumbled up, and I can see “auras” of people and sounds and music.

I’m pretty sure this information started floating around after I wrote my personal statement about it last semester; ironically, though, that essay surrounded the fact that my synesthesia was fading, a key point that people conveniently skipped over or simply forgot.

Since then, I’ve had dozens of people ask me about it. Even though it annoys me sometimes (most of the time) because this was never something other people were supposed to know, I understand why people are intrigued. So today, I’m here to answer some of my most frequently asked questions. 

Wait, what exactly is synesthesia?

Synesthesia is “the production of a sense impression relating to one sense or part of the body by stimulation of another sense or part of the body.” What this means is that your senses are intertwined and can be experienced simultaneously, so people can taste words or see smells. 

I have chromesthesia, which means I see sounds as colors. I can also see colorful “auras” around people, and can associate their voices to colors. I don’t have the type of synesthesia that has anything to do with smell, taste, or touch. 

The cause of synesthesia has something to do with the brain and can possibly be genetic, but there seems to be a lack of research. Some scientists think this might have something to do with the pruning our brains do when we’re younger, but I’m just a high school girl, so I can’t really give you an answer there. 

So what do you see?

It’s hard to describe what exactly I see. Growing up, I genuinely thought my vision was normal — in fact, even though he doesn’t remember, I vividly remember asking my dad if everyone saw floating colors, and he said yes (he blindly agrees with everything). So I never asked again. 

I didn’t realize I had synesthesia until I was in 4th grade and a dear friend of mine suggested that I read The Name of this Book is Secret, in which the main character has synesthesia. It was then that I realized this was not normal. 

The best way I can describe it is as shapes of sheer color rotating around a person. Sometimes the color manifests in stripes coming out, or as circles, or triangles. Other times, it’s kind of just…there? Most of the time, I see this kind of shiny film too. Some people are just shiny, while others have glitter. People can also be multiple colors; people can also be really, really solid. For music, I see colors as the songs progress, and they change and dance with the sound. 

Do the colors mean anything?

Not that I know of. I haven’t spent a lot of time analyzing if there’s a specific color for people I dislike more heavily, or if I associate people with colors that they really like, but this just has never made sense to me. For example: my sister’s favorite color is pink, so one might assume that the reason I see her as pink is because she’s had pink stuff our whole lives. But this makes no sense in my head, because she likes light pink, and I see her as the most obnoxious neon pink you could think of. 

Google tells you that there is personality-based or emotion-based synesthesia, but my experiences just don’t match up with that. I’m pretty sure this isn’t based on vibes or a hidden feeling I have toward people. 

Oh, and this also has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a “silver” or “gold” person. That’s just basic color theory. 

Can the colors change?

Actually, yes. This doesn’t happen often, and I’m starting to catch it less and less, but occasionally people will change. For example, I’m pretty sure Nichole used to be green when we were in elementary school, but she’s been lilac since like 7th grade. 

I don’t think there’s a reason, and I don’t think it’s connected to anything. I think that this is just the way it is; it’s kind of like how we used to hear things differently when we were younger or how our eyesight changes as we age. 

Does it bother you?

No, not really. Since I thought it was normal growing up, I learned to work around it. I don’t mind that I don’t have it as strongly anymore either, because it’s a lot less distracting. 

How can it fade?

It just…did. I think “fade” is a good word to describe it because it started with the colors just becoming lighter. When I was little, I’m pretty sure my vision could go “normal” when I was super tired, so it wasn’t like the disappearance was a completely unfamiliar experience to me. Eventually, I just stopped seeing colors around people or when I listened to music. 

I don’t remember when, but at some point, I discovered that I could manifest it back again if I just thought about it really hard. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s literally what I would do: stare and think. So now, I can see colors when people speak or when I see them again, but I did permanently lose the ability to see colors when listening to music, I think. 

Finally…

WHAT COLOR AM I? 

I completely understand that a lot of people want to know: what do I see when I look at them? What is their aura? If I was in their shoes, I’d desperately want to know too. 

But again, my synesthesia is fading. I’m (like 97%) sure my vision is normal now, and I see the same colors that you see (except maybe not Bryce). What this means is that every time someone asks me this question, I literally have to stand there, staring at them, thinking (something I don’t like doing) about it, and then struggle to find the right words to describe what I’m seeing, which is a faint version of what I would have seen 10 years ago. It’s exhausting and only gets harder as time goes on. 

I think the other reason it’s so difficult for me to explain what colors people are is because it’s usually not that simple. With the movement and the shifts, I can’t even draw it out. So when people ask me what color they are, most of the time it’s just too much work to actually tell them. It’s also always bothered me when people ask because I never thought this was a big deal, and I kind of hate that people associate me with a trait that I’m starting to not have. At this point, I’d much prefer if no one ever asked me this question ever again. 

…but, in honor of the end of the year, IF YOU COMMENT YOU CAN ASK ME WHAT COLOR YOU ARE 🦅AFTER THAT (I humbly request) NO ONE ASK AGAIN. 

(P.S. Mr. Stanicek — you’re maroon with streaks of yellow swirled with orange) 

Two weeks ago, I spent my weekend at the Hyatt Regency O’Hare for DECA State, where I basically zombied around for three days in a drawn-out fever dream. 

As a State Officer, I had way more responsibilities than I was expecting, but now that I’ve started to recover (a little), here’s a rundown of ILCDC from my perspective: 

1.) Is this…allowed??

Immediately when we got to the hotel, we were given about an hour of free time, which we used to study for our exam, organize our clothes, and tour the suite (it was really nice). 

But that’s about the most free time we had all weekend. 

After that hour, we were pushed around to various duties. Our days were planned almost to the minute, which was honestly terrifying. The first day, we had rehearsal until dinner, ate dinner in 15 minutes (they accidentally gave me food I was allergic to so I didn’t actually eat), and then had more rehearsal until the opening ceremony. After the ceremony, we had a short team meeting — but at midnight. 

The next day, we woke up around 6:30 to go to judges’ breakfast. The rest of that day was filled with competition, running the raffle table (I was in charge), rehearsal, the banquet, and beginning to lose our minds at the raffle table again while people watched a magician (that I heard wasn’t that great). Lunch this day was on our own, but with so much going on with the raffle table, I didn’t get to eat lunch until around 4 PM. And then we ate dinner at 5 PM, right before the banquet — because during the banquet when everyone else was eating, we hadto “mingle” with as many chapters as possible. 

We slept really late on Friday night too, around 2:30 AM. Before bed, we had to get the raffle prizes organized in order, pull tickets, write down names, and send the list of names to the production company. We also had to be in the ballroom by 7 AM the next day — with the 60 raffle prizes — for one last rehearsal. 

Bottomline: we didn’t have time to sleep or eat. It was so exhausting. 

2.) We are NPCs. 

Yeah, I think I was called an NPC at least four or five times by different people. And honestly, I can see it. 

Our first appearance on stage was accompanied by this ridiculously terrifying wave that we were told to do — and when all five officers were there together, we waved in sync. I can see where NPC came from. 

We were also told to smile, always. If we were on stage, smile! Always! Smile! To the point where I’m seriously starting to think that my jaw is going to be permanently sore. After the closing session, I couldn’t feel my face anymore. 

But there was one incident, where we were told to “stop talking until they stop talking” because people weren’t listening, and I accidentally started frowning. I was standing there, thinking about how much my cheeks hurt, and so I decided that since I wasn’t talking, I could stop smiling. This was a mistake, because what resulted was me getting sent several photos of me looking angry and random freshmen referring to me as “The Mean One.”

The Grand Awards Ceremony is a whole other story. After the awards for each event were handed out, we had to rotate spots. For example, the “presenter” would become the “outside usher” who welcomed people onto the stage, and the original outside usher would become the “inside usher” to make sure people stood in the right spots. If you were the “inside usher,” you’d have to remember that you were turning into the “runner” and would have to grab 1st and 2nd place awards. After that, you were the “holder” and would grab 3rd and 4th place awards. As a result of this complicated procedure, I kind of started to feel like an NPC. On stage, we couldn’t focus on anything other than smiling and remembering our next steps. The only thing I could think of was what my next role was going to be and which awards I had to grab. I genuinely felt like a robot. 

3.) Wait what’s your name again? 

Still, it wasn’t all stressful. The Executive Directors’ wives made us little goody bags with food and water in them, which was really nice, and I quite enjoyed talking to everyone. 

I did get to talk to a lot of people though. Like, a lot. 

While everyone else was eating at the banquet, the State Officers were instructed to talk to as many tables as possible. I met so many funny people from schools that I didn’t even know existed (Jacksonville High School, Marmion Academy, etc.) and it was really nice to build connections. My favorite people I met were these two juniors from South Elgin who just got me. I spent way too much time at their table talking about future plans, weird things that happened, and our favorite painless heels. 

We also had the chance to talk to the judges on Friday morning at their breakfast. With each table organized by event, it was amusing to observe what type of judges resided at which table. For example, there was one finance event with all old men drinking coffee, and an entrepreneurship event with Barbie-looking millennial women. Some of the judges asked us really bizarre questions, but most of them were really pleasant to talk to. 

Other than that, there were a lot of people from the State Officers’ schools. I spent a lot of time with kids from Deerfield, Geneva, Central, and some from Downers Grove South. They’re not as bad as you’d think! 

As much as this experience was mentally and physically exhausting, I’m so glad it happened. These are memories that I don’t think I’ll ever forget — and now, I’ll finally shut up about it too. 

Upon my first read of this poem, I couldn’t help but laugh. 

This poem seems so deeply unserious. My first inspection noted the length of the poem, words that didn’t seem like they’d be too difficult, and not much punctuation. The addition of the words in parentheses read like an echo, or a little voice peering up from behind the speaker’s shoulders. But even though I could not process the meaning on my first try, the rhythm and flow somehow made it incredibly humorous. 

I was almost going to close the tab and choose another poem, until I realized that I had no idea what I had just read. 

The facade of simplicity was so deceiving. During my second read, I realized that the poem read like a spoken sentence, but none of the words seemed to make any sense. It didn’t really seem like there was a rhyme scheme, but there was an undeniable flow to it. I didn’t notice that the first line was a continuation of the title, and instead reread “not back, let’s not come back” about half a dozen times. I couldn’t figure out what “queer zest” was, because I had assumed that they were talking about LGBTQ culture, but that didn’t make any sense with “let’s go by the speed of.” There were so many words that seemed made up, like “moonologist” and using “moonlighting” as a verb. 

Throughout the poem, I repeatedly battled with the tone. I couldn’t tell if the poet was being sarcastic and mocking love, or if he was genuinely so blinded by his love that he would have “[gotten] ourselves a little / moon cottage (so pretty).” At first, I thought maybe he was joking around or getting super into mocking other people, but then, I realized that it also reminded me of when someone gets really excited or invested into an idea. Still, there were a lot of elementary words used, like “veggies” in place of “vegetables,” and the reminder of “don’t forget” as if the poet was talking to a child. 

The next issue I battled was the general appearance of the moon. I didn’t think it had been mentioned that much, until I started analyzing the poem line by line and counted a grand total of 12 times, including the title. Ultimately, I realized my answer actually laid in the title: i love you to the moon &. This was a play on the common saying, “I love you to the moon and back,” only this poet didn’t include “back” and created a sense of intimacy by using improper capitalization and the ampersand symbol rather than writing out the word. After noticing this, I noticed that the poet did in fact talk about “back” — only, he said “not back” in the first sentence. In an attempt to make sense of this, I tried to tie the ending back to the beginning. Although there were words repeated or reused, like “queerer” and “lighter,” the end seemed to fall into the whole “love you to the moon and back” trope. 

I ended up landing on the idea that this poem was, in fact, a love poem. Reading the poem line by line allowed me to examine the purposeful word choice, or rather, lack thereof. I think that the simplicity of it all truly emphasizes the one thing Chen comes back to: the moon and how it represents love. The imagery that he crafts with scenes of planting gardens on the moon and traveling to somewhere far away with an unknown person lacks description. But somehow, it still manages to paint a vivid picture of what he thinks is important. When reading this, even the first time, I always had some sort of image in my head, whether that was of the moon, a garden (I thought of a Minecraft one, to be honest), or of two people hand-in-hand. I think there’s some sort of power in how Chen was able to do that in a poem that reads in a fairly chaotic way. 

The final step to my reading process was to examine the context in which this poem was written. Chen Chen actually wrote this poem fairly recently, in 2021, so there shouldn’t have been any historical context that was too unfamiliar to me. Discovering that Chen’s poetry collection was titled When I Grow Up I Want to Be a List of Further Possibilities gave me insight into the way he writes; it reinforced my idea of his writing being rather informal and flowy. Even though I can’t say with certainty that his poem is about one thing or the other, taking the time to take it apart has exposed me to a different type of poetry that I haven’t quite experienced before — and one that I can almost find myself writing. 

 

I can’t exactly explain it, but my entire life, I’ve been a big crybaby. 

I cry, a lot — whether I’m happy, sad, angry, scared, excited, or stressed. I’ve always cried a lot. It’s like my body’s default reaction to any emotion ever is to release tears. Sometimes I just can’t help it. 

Anyway, here are a few of the best and worst reasons I’ve cried in the last few months: 

 

1.) Math

Starting off strong — math. I think this photo was taken the night before one of our first tests, and I was in shambles. I was fully lost-in-the-sauce, unable to figure out what a vector was (still not convinced it’s not just a round-bellied orange-jumpsuit-wearing villain) or how they can swirl up on a funny-looking 3D graph. I remember calling one of my friends in the hopes that she could explain it to me — but the call went straight to voicemail, and to guilt-trip her, I sent her this photo.

 

2.) We watched sad dog TikToks on a Saturday afternoon.

Okay, hear me out. It was 3:40PM. Addy and I had gotten up at like 4:50 that morning and I had to drive her to school for some golf thing. We were both so tired we couldn’t get up and were borderline delusional. 

I usually don’t cry over sad TikToks, and call me insensitive, but I’m not really a fan of dog videos either? Like, I enjoy them once in a while, but I’ve never been a huge animal person. 

Still, somehow, these videos that Addy were showing me hit us both hard. Some of my tears probably came from watching Addy cry, but the dogs in those stupid 30-second videos just looked so incredibly sad. 

3.) About half of my closest friends left for college. 

I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that it made me cry daily for a month straight. And then some. 

I don’t really understand when or how this happened, but by second semester last year, almost all of my top five closest friends were older than me. I mean, I’d known most of them since at least elementary or middle school, but there were a few shockers thrown in there too. 

So when they all decided to up and leave (like, why didn’t they just get held back for me?? I’m okay with them being super seniors???) I didn’t know what to do with myself. It’s like a giant gaping hole was left where all of them used to be. 

Luckily, I’m still in touch with most of the important ones (they are NOT escaping my calls), but life has not been the same. I still cry about this like once a week. 

4.) Rainforest Cafe Ruined My Life

Another shared sobbing experience between me and Addy? Rainforest Cafe. 

At DECA Nationals last year in Orlando, my friends and I had this moment where we literally fought to get a spot at the Rainforest Cafe in Disney Springs, across the street from our hotel. We spent hours talking about going to The Restaurant With the Big Volcano and we hyped it up so much. But by the time we got there? We knew we were in trouble. 

This restaurant single handedly ruined all of our chances of doing well in our competitions. It cursed us. The jam-packed room with the roaring of the elephants and the never ending claps of thunder mixed with the screaming children, cold food, and 1.5 hour wait just really did us in. 

By the time we got back to the hotel after Rainforest Cafe, I looked a little something like this: 

When I tell you I was delusional, I truly don’t think I have ever felt this delusional. 

The six of us who survived this experience all proceeded to bomb our competitions the next day too (worst performance of my life). The funniest part is that no one seems to believe us, ever. No matter how hard any of us try to describe the crazy fever-dreamed state we were in, no one else understands until they experience it themselves. 

And here’s proof that it actually was bad, from our advisor (who visited the very next day despite our desperate warnings):  

 

5.) I sat on a call with my friend for 39 minutes. In silence. And also accidentally saw his bare feet. 

Yeah. Enough said. 

 

6.) Declan McKenna was about 2 feet away from me

This was definitely my favorite reason for shedding tears in 2023. 

Personally, Lollapalooza wasn’t an experience that I can say I wish to relive, but there were certain moments that sure were memorable. For example, when I very guiltily ditched one of my friends at the back of the crowd to join my other friends in the middle of the Declan McKenna crowd.

I felt bad about leaving her at first, but quickly realized that I needed the change. And my guilt pretty much dissolved once this happened: 

(Shoutout to Kayley and Nadia for this ^^)

Somehow in the middle of British Bombs, Declan McKenna had teleported from the stage in front of us to the massive crowd behind us. And as we all tried to figure out why there were people screaming, out of nowhere, this shirtless 24-year-old British guy shot out from behind us. He was right there. 

Yeah, I went home and cried. 

Anyway, here’s to another semester of tears…but hopefully good ones this time! 

Something that I frequently think about is how much of senior year I’m actually going to remember when I’m 40. 

This whole semester, I’ve had this overwhelming fear that I’m not actually doing everything I’m meant to do. I’ve been scared that I’m too hung up on the past; that I take school too seriously, and that my actions are far too insignificant. I fear change. 

But when it comes down to it, I’m pretty confident that I’ll view this semester in a relatively positive light. Despite the fact that I say my life is overly bleak now, there have still been some positive changes, including these AP Lit blogs. 

Taking the time to reflect on my life, even if I’m just brainstorming ideas, has allowed me to confront my values and my fears. 

Looking back on the blogs that I produced, I’m not sure I can state a singular favorite. In fact, I noticed that I started to enjoy writing them more and more as the semester progressed. Each one has its strengths and its weaknesses, from being too rambly to being engaging. Upon reflection, I noticed that a lot of them are lists, which wasn’t entirely intentional, but honestly, it makes sense (I like lists). CRAZY-ART-PERSON-STUFF and Can I Borrow a Pencil? are probably the strongest contenders for being my favorite, because I was talking about a topic that really intrigues me, but it also brought me some joy to reflect on the classes I’ve taken in high school in So Like, Do I Take It? 

I can, however, say with confidence that my peers are really creative. Throughout this semester, I have found myself cruising through blogs in my free time, or when I’m in need of some inspiration. There are some topics that I find absolutely ridiculous, but there are also a lot that shock me with their imagination. Sometimes, I wish that I had come up with those ideas first. 

Writing these blogs has also taught me that maybe I don’t absolutely hate writing. I’ve always struggled to get my thoughts on paper, which is why I initially started journaling a few years ago, but these blogs have made it easier for me to write. It has definitely become easier and I think I’ve developed a pretty strong style. Actually, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to let go of writing blogs at the end of the year, and this might have to be something that feeds into my future. 

But other than these blogs, some good lessons I’ve learned?

I was nominated as an Illinois DECA State Officer. This is something that I never would have imagined I could achieve, and has probably been the best change that has happened. Working with this team has taught me so much about discipline, responsibility, and professionalism. Even though I don’t think I plan on going into business, working in a business environment has brought me a sense of order and peace. And also, I gained 4 new friends. 

I went to a Scholastic Bowl tournament. Science Olympiad had a meet the same day Scholastic Bowl was competing, and I guess they really didn’t have anyone else to ask, because somehow I got dragged into this. Still, even though it was just a day’s worth of work, I learned a lot. My complaining was mellowed out by my newfound knowledge of Russian poets, Zach Bryan, sickle cell anemia, and the fact that apparently Adi thinks the Declaration of Independence was signed in NINETEEN-76. I think this was also the most I’ve used my brain in a single day. 

 

And finally, I’ve learned that I don’t necessarily need to have tons of friends. One of my biggest fears going into this school year was that I was losing a majority of my friends and support system (to college), but somehow I’ve managed to stay afloat. I still stand by the fact that those people who told me I’d find “replacements” for my friends are wrong, but they were right about the fact that the world doesn’t end just because people leave. They were also right about the fact that I still have Nichole, who is more than anyone can ask for. Ultimately, when I reflect back on this semester, it’s going to be Nichole that I share my memories with, and I am so utterly grateful for that. 

Part of me actually looks forward to next semester. Even though I’m impatiently waiting to leave Naperville North, I know that there will still be unforgettable memories, feelings, and experiences to come—and I hope to continue to share these memories through my blogs. 

I wouldn’t consider myself to be a heavy overthinker, but there are a few things that I think about frequently, including the classes I’ve taken throughout high school—and what I could have done differently. I don’t think I have any big regrets, and I’m glad things worked out the way they did, but there were definitely a few classes here and there that I’m not sure much was gained from.

As first semester begins to come to a close, I’ve started getting questions from underclassmen about potential classes that they can take in the future. In an attempt to help them, I’ve been reflecting on my experience a little more. In general, I’ve been pretty happy with my education all four years, but there is still a divide between classes that I would encourage others to take and classes that are just…okay. So, here are some classes I loved, classes I wish I took, and things I wish I did differently:

 

AP Calculus BC
Starting off strong, Calc BC. While this might have been the biggest adjustment I’ve ever had to make to my studying habits, I honestly think it was worth it.

There are a few notable things about BC that have shaped my high school experience, including (but not limited to):
1.) Teaching me about consistency. There is homework nearly every day, and it’s almost always the same: 8-10 questions from the textbook.
2.) Forcing me to actually study. I don’t think I could have passed this class without putting in conscious effort to study before exams. As someone who usually studies for tests the day before, this class taught me the importance of either making a LOT of time the night before to study, or actively putting effort into studying a few days in advance.
3.) Making sure I actually use my resources. Mrs. Moore is one of the best resources you can have as a BC student, because she’s practically glued to her email. When I realized that I could just put my pride aside and email her my questions, my life got a lot easier. Suddenly, I didn’t have to waste an hour and a half of my life on one question that I didn’t understand, and could get the help I needed within an hour of sending an email.

A picture of my BC homework (ft a wrinkle in the corner from erasing too hard) →

 

To anyone questioning whether or not they should take BC, I’d probably say yes, although I understand not wanting to take it. It was really stressful, and I would not have done so well if I didn’t have the support system that I did. But truly, this class probably single-handedly changed my life.

 

 

Honors Biology/AP Biology
I noticed that this year, an odd amount of sophomores are in AP Biology. As in, more than ever before, which really got me thinking. I honestly believe that Honors Biology had more merit than AP, although I heard they changed the curriculum recently.

Absolutely no hate to any teachers, but Honors Biology just taught me more than AP Biology has. I feel like the class was more structured and there were more resources, while AP Biology kind of relies on your ability to self-learn. The class also feels oddly specific and there are some things that the AP curriculum expects you to know that I just don’t find useful. However, as someone who hopes to major in biology, both of these classes were worth taking.

Even if I was allowed to take AP Biology my sophomore year, I don’t think I would have done it. A lot of the knowledge I have of biology actually comes from the stuff I remembered in Honors, not AP. But I don’t regret taking AP Biology either, because not only do I find the information interesting, but I’ve heard horror stories about AP Chemistry.

 

Art Classes
One of the best decisions I made for myself was taking at least one fun class each semester. Most of these classes were art classes, since that’s what I enjoy. However, I started off high school with Drawing 1 and Painting 2, which was kind of a bizarre experience. I tried to skip Drawing 1 (I’ve been taking art classes my whole life), but it didn’t work out so well. It ended up being fine, because my assignments were kind of easy and it was really chill, but I still wish I was placed in a more challenging class. For second semester, I managed to convince them to let me take Painting 2 instead of Painting 1, which was a much better experience. Last year, I was in AP Studio Art, which was quite the experience, but totally worth it. It was more work than I was expecting, but I really enjoyed the work that I was producing and it was a good destressing class.

I think the biggest lessons to be learned here are to take classes that you genuinely enjoy, and try to fight your counselor to put you in the correct level.

 

 

Blended?
The first blended class I ever took was Blended Humanities 1, first semester sophomore year.

It was magic.

Whenever people ask me if they should take a class blended or not, I will (almost) always say blended. Unless you know you’re awful at completing homework, blended is the way to go. It gives you enough freedom to relax, take a break from school, and piddle around, but it also

gives you enough structure to actually learn. I feel like taking blended classes was one of the best decisions I ever made. Personally, I enjoy getting the work done the night before, so during my actual blended period, I’m free to do whatever I want.

← why do work at school when you can do work at Panera?

 

 

 

Taking Classes Over The Summer
I’ve never been a fan of history or economics, so I took both of those classes over the summer. The same summer.

Was it awful? Kind of. But was it worth it? I think so.

I feel like if you’re taking US History, it’s more worth it toget it over with over the summer rather than dedicating an entire year to it during school. In my opinion, it’s better to take a fun class during the school year to balance out your workload. And if you’re taking APUSH, you’re a psychopath (kidding).

I will say, if you’re a big fan of history, you probably shouldn’t take it over the summer. But for me, it was worth doing just so I could get that graduation requirement. I feel similar about Consumer Economics, although occasionally I find myself regretting not taking AP Microeconomics and Macroeconomics, because I feel like economics is probably something we’ll need to know for the future.

 

Last But Not Least, Classes I Wish I Took
I don’t really know much about a lot of these classes, but looking through the course catalog, these are the ones that I wish I knew about sooner:
– American Sign Language
– Advanced Chemistry and/or Biotechnology
– Business INCubator
– Sculpture
– Interior Design
– AP Art History
And here are a few classes I wish NNHS offered:
– Architecture
– Cake Decorating
– Cosmetology
– Emergency Preparedness/Survival
– Yearbook (BRING IT BACK PLEASE)
– DECA (this is a JOKE) (but some schools do offer it)

This past year, my biggest regret has been not going to the Art Institute of Chicago more. 

Back in the summer of 2022, I visited the museum a total of 53 times. Yes, 53. To be fair, I did a summer program there, but still, I practically lived inside the Art Institute. Since 2023 started, I think I’ve only been there a total of five times. 

There’s something about being in that building that made me want to create. Art has always been a huge part of my life, but the four weeks that I spent at the Art Institute felt like a fever dream. Never in my life had I created that much work in such a short period of time and with such freedom. I did so much crazy-art-person-stuff that even thinking about it now confuses me.​​

 

 ← evidence of crazy-art-person-stuff

 

 

My ultimate goal in life is to look at every single piece of art inside that museum, which is nearly impossible given how often they switch out exhibits. But without further ado, here are some of my favorite pieces that I have seen:

1.) Nighthawks. When people ask me what my favorite painting is, I often default to Nighthawks, by Edward Hopper. This huge oil painting is well known for its quiet atmosphere, moody lighting, and depiction of loneliness. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I’m drawn to this one, but there’s something about how it was carefully crafted that makes me look at it every time I visit the Art Institute.

2.) The Fountain, Villa Torlonia, Frascati, Italy by John Singer Sargent. I am a big fan of John Singer Sargent. First of all, his name is really cool, but I also love his art style. For an American painter, his art weirdly resembles European luxury. I love his big brush strokes and bold use of color, and in this specific painting, it feels so freeing. If I could own any painting of his, I’d pick this one.

 

 

3.) “Untitled” (Portrait of Ross in L.A.). This is one of your only chances to touch artwork at a museum. For years and years, I was a hater of contemporary art, but this piece was the one that changed my mind. This piece of art isn’t a painting or a sculpture, but is a pile of shiny, commercially distributed candy at approximately 175 pounds. The artist made this piece in honor of his late partner, who died of AIDS complications, and symbolizes loss and replenishment. Although it is currently off view, if you ever find yourself in front of this piece, take a piece of candy.

4.) The Drinkers. I love Vincent Van Gogh, but in a different way than most people. I don’t love him for his art as much as I love him for his crazy. Every time I look at a piece of his, I can see the insanity, and it makes me happy to think that there’s always going to be something good that comes out of delusion. This piece wasn’t actually Van Gogh’s idea, and rather, was a copy of someone else’s work that he did while he was in the Asylum, but I like the twist he put on it. He has a very distinct use of color and shapes, which emphasizes the crazy and alcoholism in this one.

5.) Slumber, by Anissa Peterson. Okay, this piece isn’t actually part of the Art Institute collection. In fact, I’m not even sure you can find it online? But this was made by my friend Anissa as part of our summer program, and yes, she’s letting me talk about this. This is hands down one of my favorite paintings of all time. I was able to watch her go through the process of painting this and let me just tell you, she is magical. While I was struggling to recreate Calcifer (from Howl’s Moving Castle), she was next to me, literally making a masterpiece out of thin air. I love the way she uses such expressive brush strokes and how she keeps the color so clean and how she incorporates so much detail in such a small space. Literally the best artist I know. 

Obviously, my favorites aren’t limited to these five. Some honorable mentions are the Thorne Miniature Rooms, the glass paperweights (that I haven’t seen in a few years??), anything with children that look like adults, and all of the Ivan Albright paintings. But there’s so much more. 

Anyway, if you find yourself with some extra time in the upcoming weeks, I’d suggest a trip up to the Art Institute. You never know what kind of enlightenment you’ll find. 

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure there were a few years of my life where I was known as the “pen girl.” 

In middle school, I used to carry around this giant lunchbox-sized pencil case that had anything you could have ever wished for. I had washable markers, permanent markers, colored pencils, gel pens, ballpoint pens, Wite-Out, brush pens, mechanical pencils,

drawing pencils, regular pencils, and probably some more. I lugged this thing around with me every day from maybe sixth grade until early eighth grade, when I finally decided that carrying around that much stationery just wasn’t sustainable. 

So, in eighth grade, I cut down on what I brought with me to school, and condensed it into a tiny plastic Muji pencil case. Here’s a deep dive into what that pencil case holds today:

 

PENCILS

1.) Muji Polycarbonate Mechanical Pencil 0.5 mm. I can’t find this pencil on the Muji website anymore, but they change up their stock a lot. This mechanical pencil is on the cheaper side, which makes me feel better when I use it because I’m not scared about breaking it. Most of the time, when I’m in school, you’ll see me using this pencil, because it’s so lightweight and I seriously just don’t care about it. But even so, it’s a great pencil. It’s comfortable enough to hold, sturdy, and I like that pretty much the whole thing is clear. The only problem I have is that it’s so old that it’s starting to yellow. 

2.) Pentel GraphGear 1000 0.5 mm. This pencil is definitely the bougiest out of all of my mechanical pencils. It’s a drafting pencil with great features, including a tip that is retractable (so it won’t get damaged), a clip, a protected eraser, and a little mechanism to allow you to label what type of lead you have inside. It has a pretty good weight to it, so sometimes writing with it for long periods of time makes my hand hurt, but in general, the weight actually feels nice. 

3.) uni Alpha-Gel Shaker Mechanical Pencil 0.5 mm. If I could only keep one pencil, it would be this one. The grip on this one is probably the squishiest that you can find, and you can extend the lead by shaking the pencil, which saves me a lot of time when I’m taking math tests. There honestly isn’t much to say about this one, because really, there isn’t much wrong with it. 

If you couldn’t tell by now, I almost exclusively use pencils that have 0.5 mm lead. I own a pencil with 0.3 mm lead that I’ll use sometimes if I need to be really precise with my writing, but don’t even try to convince me to use 0.7 mm. And people who use 1.0 mm lead are literally psychopaths. 

 

PENS

1.) Zebra Sarasa Select 5 Color Multi Pen – Limited Edition Disney. This pen is so old that the Mickey Mouse design on it is starting to rub off. There used to be a red band that said “Sarasa Select” on it, but that has pretty much disappeared entirely. Normally, I’m not a fan of multi-pens, but I realized that this is one of the only ways that I can keep colors with me that I don’t regularly use but still want access to. This one is customizable, so I have in it a red, blue, black, gold, and shiny pink. It’s good for color-coding notes or for adding a pop of color to a worksheet. 

2.) Zebra Sarasa Clip Marble Color Gel Pen 0.5 mm – Limited Edition Disney – modified with a Pentel Energel Ink Refill. So originally, this pen had this crazy fun swirly ink inside that changes color as you write. However, I liked the body of it better than I liked the ink, so I replaced the ink with a Pentel Energel refill. Turns out, they are interchangeable! I totally could have put black Sarasa ink inside, but I found that as a lefty, the Pentel one is nicer because it dries faster. I also find that it skips a little less, and it has a needle tip. This is my go-to black pen that I use every day, and I go through approximately one refill every month. 

3.) Tombow Mono Graph Lite Ballpoint Pen 0.5 mm. This is a ballpoint pen, but it doesn’t really feel like those normal, chunky ones. In case you didn’t know, ballpoint pens are water-resistant, so this is just handy to have! 

4.) Zebra Sarasa Clip Gel Pen 0.5 mm – Brown. I found that sometimes I like writing in brown better because it’s a little less jarring on my eyes. I also keep this pen around because I really enjoy drawing with brown pens, so this one is almost exclusively used in my sketchbooks. 

5.) Zebra Sarasa Clip Gel Pen 0.5 mm – Vintage Red Black. Yeah, I really like Zebra Sarasa pens. This one is part of their “Vintage Color” collection, which is just a bunch of pens that have muted colors and are in a slightly different pen body. I like having a red pen on me for my math notes and for doing corrections for my teachers, and this color isn’t too searing. 

 

OTHER

1.) Tombow Fudenosuke Brush Pen – Hard Tip – Black. I didn’t really know where to categorize this, so I’m sticking it here. My favorite marker/pen/brush pen to ever exist. I use this for everything. It has a flexible tip so I can do calligraphy, but it’s stiff enough to where this can just be a black marker. I’ve gone through dozens of these in the last four years. 

2.) Sun-Star Stickyle Scissors. These are a pair of pen-sized scissors that are easy to carry around, but they don’t really work all that well. 

3.) Sakura Arch Foam Eraser. The best eraser I have ever come across. It will erase literally everything. 

4.) Wite-Out. For when I make mistakes. 

5.) Random papers. I have a lot of random papers in my pencil case, but

it just feels wrong to get rid of them. I have the “KNOW & COMMUNICATE YOUR Sexual Boundaries & Limits” sheet that Mrs. Nesci gave us in sophomore year health, three homework/rest passes for French class, a random slip of paper that says “24” on it, and a business card for the Senior Assistant Director of Undergraduate Admissions at WashU St. Louis. Do I ever look at any of these? No, not really. Do any of these serve a purpose? Besides the French tickets, I don’t think so. Am I going to keep them? Absolutely. 

Something about me—that I don’t often like to admit—is that I am a die-hard Olivia Rodrigo fan. If you don’t believe me, here’s a screenshot of my Spotify Wrapped from 2022. 

 

Needless to say, I was eager to listen to her sophomore album GUTS that came out on September 8th. If you’re unfamiliar with Olivia Rodrigo, I’d describe her songwriting as emotional and slightly naive, but in a way that perfectly captures the absurdity of being a teenager. I always feel a tinge of nostalgia when listening to her music, despite the fact that I’m probably in my prime teenage years? It’s a bizarre mix that somehow manifests itself in record-breaking songs that almost anyone can enjoy, and the 12 songs on GUTS are certainly no exception. 

Weirdly enough, I realized as I was listening to her new album that my favorite songs were not the ones that brought out her beautiful vocals—instead, they were the angsty and pop-rock leaning ones. Although I loved the ballads on her first album SOUR, there was something slightly off about most of the ballads on GUTS, whether it was the beat, chorus, or lyrics. 

But that doesn’t mean I hated this album. So, without further ado, here are my top 5 tracks on GUTS:

1. “get him back!”

Right now, this might be my favorite track on GUTS, likely due to the fact that I find the lyrics hilariously witty. “And when hе said something wrong, he’d just fly me to Francе,” feels like the perfect way to describe men who truly have no idea what they’re doing, and this line makes me giggle a little each time I hear it. Additionally, I think I flipped a little the first time I realized that the line “I wanna get him back” has a dual meaning…one being that she wants revenge, and the other being that she still wants to be with this guy. Honestly, as someone who constantly has strong feelings toward people, this is pretty much how I feel 24/7. 

2. “bad idea right?”

This was the second song that Rodrigo released as a single, back in August. Even though I know a lot of people are probably sick of it being overplayed by now, “bad idea right?” is still one of my favorites. I love how the verses feel more spoken than sung (mostly because that means I can “sing” it!), and there’s something about the beat that really speaks to me. To me, this song feels like if I met up with a friend that I hadn’t talked to in a few months and tried to explain to them my whole life story. 

3. “ballad of a homeschooled girl”

Okay, maybe I just think that all of Olivia Rodrigo’s lyrics are funny, because some of the ones in “ballad of a homeschooled girl” genuinely made me gasp when I first heard them. “Every guy I like is gay,” and “Thought your mom was your wife” remind me of the random thoughts that I have every once in a while but never share with anyone. I think these lyrics also make Rodrigo feel more human, and a lot of the awkward situations that she describes are things that I can relate to. 

4. “all-american b*tch”

When I first listened to “all-american b*tch,” I actually didn’t like it. The minute GUTS came out and I connected it to my big speaker to hear this as the first track, I actually got scared that I wouldn’t like the album. However, it’s really grown on me. I think what initially shocked me was the fact that she switches the vibe so quickly, from soft and sweet in the verses to angry and violent in the chorus. Maybe I just wasn’t expecting it? But now, this is definitely one of my favorites, from the melody to the lyrics to the way I can feel the teenage angst emanating through the speakers. Also, I really like the way she says “coca-cola bottles” (but how on earth do you use them to curl your hair??).  

5. “pretty isn’t pretty”

Last but not least, “pretty isn’t pretty.” I think out of all of my top 5 songs, this is the closest we’re going to get to a not-so-angsty ballad. To me, “pretty isn’t pretty” feels like an adventure through a high school from a rom-com and perfectly sums up the misery of being a teenage girl. I can totally see bits and pieces of this being the theme song for a sit-com. The beat of the song is also incredibly catchy and the lyrics almost feel optimistic, despite the relatively heavy subject matter. This song feels like the perfect balance between being slower-paced but not sad and still captivating. 

 

Overall, I don’t think any of the songs on GUTS are necessarily bad, but there are definitely some that I will be listening to more than others—and I think it’s definitely worth listening to this album, in full, at least once in your life.