It is my understanding that most of you probably know I have synesthesia: a condition where my senses are jumbled up, and I can see “auras” of people and sounds and music.
I’m pretty sure this information started floating around after I wrote my personal statement about it last semester; ironically, though, that essay surrounded the fact that my synesthesia was fading, a key point that people conveniently skipped over or simply forgot.
Since then, I’ve had dozens of people ask me about it. Even though it annoys me sometimes (most of the time) because this was never something other people were supposed to know, I understand why people are intrigued. So today, I’m here to answer some of my most frequently asked questions.
Wait, what exactly is synesthesia?
Synesthesia is “the production of a sense impression relating to one sense or part of the body by stimulation of another sense or part of the body.” What this means is that your senses are intertwined and can be experienced simultaneously, so people can taste words or see smells.
I have chromesthesia, which means I see sounds as colors. I can also see colorful “auras” around people, and can associate their voices to colors. I don’t have the type of synesthesia that has anything to do with smell, taste, or touch.
The cause of synesthesia has something to do with the brain and can possibly be genetic, but there seems to be a lack of research. Some scientists think this might have something to do with the pruning our brains do when we’re younger, but I’m just a high school girl, so I can’t really give you an answer there.
So what do you see?
It’s hard to describe what exactly I see. Growing up, I genuinely thought my vision was normal — in fact, even though he doesn’t remember, I vividly remember asking my dad if everyone saw floating colors, and he said yes (he blindly agrees with everything). So I never asked again.
I didn’t realize I had synesthesia until I was in 4th grade and a dear friend of mine suggested that I read The Name of this Book is Secret, in which the main character has synesthesia. It was then that I realized this was not normal.
The best way I can describe it is as shapes of sheer color rotating around a person. Sometimes the color manifests in stripes coming out, or as circles, or triangles. Other times, it’s kind of just…there? Most of the time, I see this kind of shiny film too. Some people are just shiny, while others have glitter. People can also be multiple colors; people can also be really, really solid. For music, I see colors as the songs progress, and they change and dance with the sound.
Do the colors mean anything?
Not that I know of. I haven’t spent a lot of time analyzing if there’s a specific color for people I dislike more heavily, or if I associate people with colors that they really like, but this just has never made sense to me. For example: my sister’s favorite color is pink, so one might assume that the reason I see her as pink is because she’s had pink stuff our whole lives. But this makes no sense in my head, because she likes light pink, and I see her as the most obnoxious neon pink you could think of.
Google tells you that there is personality-based or emotion-based synesthesia, but my experiences just don’t match up with that. I’m pretty sure this isn’t based on vibes or a hidden feeling I have toward people.
Oh, and this also has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a “silver” or “gold” person. That’s just basic color theory.
Can the colors change?
Actually, yes. This doesn’t happen often, and I’m starting to catch it less and less, but occasionally people will change. For example, I’m pretty sure Nichole used to be green when we were in elementary school, but she’s been lilac since like 7th grade.
I don’t think there’s a reason, and I don’t think it’s connected to anything. I think that this is just the way it is; it’s kind of like how we used to hear things differently when we were younger or how our eyesight changes as we age.
Does it bother you?
No, not really. Since I thought it was normal growing up, I learned to work around it. I don’t mind that I don’t have it as strongly anymore either, because it’s a lot less distracting.
How can it fade?
It just…did. I think “fade” is a good word to describe it because it started with the colors just becoming lighter. When I was little, I’m pretty sure my vision could go “normal” when I was super tired, so it wasn’t like the disappearance was a completely unfamiliar experience to me. Eventually, I just stopped seeing colors around people or when I listened to music.
I don’t remember when, but at some point, I discovered that I could manifest it back again if I just thought about it really hard. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s literally what I would do: stare and think. So now, I can see colors when people speak or when I see them again, but I did permanently lose the ability to see colors when listening to music, I think.
Finally…
WHAT COLOR AM I?
I completely understand that a lot of people want to know: what do I see when I look at them? What is their aura? If I was in their shoes, I’d desperately want to know too.
But again, my synesthesia is fading. I’m (like 97%) sure my vision is normal now, and I see the same colors that you see (except maybe not Bryce). What this means is that every time someone asks me this question, I literally have to stand there, staring at them, thinking (something I don’t like doing) about it, and then struggle to find the right words to describe what I’m seeing, which is a faint version of what I would have seen 10 years ago. It’s exhausting and only gets harder as time goes on.
I think the other reason it’s so difficult for me to explain what colors people are is because it’s usually not that simple. With the movement and the shifts, I can’t even draw it out. So when people ask me what color they are, most of the time it’s just too much work to actually tell them. It’s also always bothered me when people ask because I never thought this was a big deal, and I kind of hate that people associate me with a trait that I’m starting to not have. At this point, I’d much prefer if no one ever asked me this question ever again.
…but, in honor of the end of the year, IF YOU COMMENT YOU CAN ASK ME WHAT COLOR YOU ARE 🦅AFTER THAT (I humbly request) NO ONE ASK AGAIN.
(P.S. Mr. Stanicek — you’re maroon with streaks of yellow swirled with orange)