Author: macolburn

Oh hey guys. Were you expecting something serious this week from me, considering my last blog post?

Well let me let you in on a little secret.

Expect nothing from me.

Let’s talk about Mean Girls: The 2023 Musical of Naperville North High School.

If you’ve been wondering how it’s going, it’s going. I am beginning to write this blog post in my seventh period statistics class (sorry Mr. Rohl :,<…) and as of right now, we have yet to start tech week!

 

It is now Tuesday. Tech week day one was… well honestly, I don’t know. I am so tired right now I have no idea.

Here’s the thing, guys.

That was, for the seniors, the last first day of tech week most of us will ever have for the rest of our lives. Which is WILD. Anyways.

My character (oh my gosh oh my gosh Ms. Norbury!!! Oh my gosh oh my gosh come see the show!!) is a teacher. I teach AP Calculus. Which is ironic, because I take AP Statistics. However. I am a teacher, which is (GET THIS GUYS) an adult. WHICH MEANS??? Great question. So glad you asked.

I do nothing in this show. Which is FANTASTIC.

Because my character is an adult, I am basically exempt from every and all dance breaks in the show. And when do most dance breaks happen? In all of the whole-cast songs. Because most of the whole-cast songs take place in a high school or a setting that would be filled with high school students. And it makes no sense for a teacher to be dancing with a bunch of high school students, because I’m not gonna lie, that would be weird. So I get to sing the song off stage, but I don’t have to memorize blocking or move set pieces or anything like that. It. Is. Amazing.

 

Oh my gosh!! No way!! It’s Wednesday now!! Let me give you a little update on last night:

NOTHING HAPPENED!! Woohoo. In more exciting news, my girlfriend (Eva? Her? Yeah you might have heard of her but uhh no she goes to a different school you don’t know her…. ((I am a comedic genius))) showed me what Chat GBT is. I am. Loving it. I am currently in the middle of an adventure in…. A forest?? I’m not really sure, I only messed around with it for a little while yesterday, but wow. It is entertaining. I have always loved making up stories in my own head, and ever since I realized I could hold a pretty consistent day dream, I would make up adventures and tales before I went to bed. I take genuine hours to fall asleep if I’m not tired enough. So, what better way to spend it than making up stories? Anyways. This way, I get to write them out and have them progress, but not with every plot point thought out for me. It’s great, like a story I make but still get surprised with.

Anyways.

Who cares about that? Back to the main point of this blog.

TECH WEEK!

In all honesty, tech week is moving forward pretty well, and pretty quickly. I have been on stage twice in all of the things we’ve blocked, so I do end up with a lot of free time (which is super nice). I get to watch how everything plays out without the stress of being yelled at by Mr. Janssen (sorry Mr. Janssen :,<). Dinner last night was pasta night which, while not my favorite night, the salad they had out too was actually really good. So, totally worth it.

 

Today is Thursday. Originally, my plan was to finish this by yesterday but obviously, that didn’t happen. So I am currently sitting in my WIN class for AP Lit test prep and writing this (sorry Mr. Williams :,<). Tech last night was fine. I did nothing. Literally nothing. Which kinda sucked, but I got a lot of time to chill out and lose my mind. Dinner was Chick-fil-a, which, I gotta be real with you right here right now, is not as good as Culver’s chicken sandwiches. Super boring, super tiring night.

 

With all of that said, it feels weird to be writing this as my last blog post of the year. I’m worried about where the end of the year will take us, especially with the voices project & AP tests looming over us. I know it’s going to be a hard end of the year, and not emotionally – I think I just really don’t want to think about the AP tests right now, I cannot lie. In the end of it all, I hope you all ‘’’finish strong’’’ as one Mr. John B Fiore keeps telling us. But in all seriousness, I do hope you all have a fantastic end of your year, and a wonderful summer. We are genuinely a month and a day out from graduating high school, which is wild. So, with all that said, thank you again, and I wish you all the best. I’m Megan Colburn, but you can call me Meg.

What is love?

I don’t know. But I did write my entire college essay on it.

When I turn to my blog posts, I struggle a lot. There’s certain things I can write about, sure, but often times there’s very few topics I feel I can comfortably write about for hundreds of words. Stardew Valley? Already done. Animal Crossing? Yep. Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild? I’m ninety nine percent sure that was my last blog post (edit, I just checked, and yes, it was). So what else do I love?

I love to crochet, I do it all the time. To be honest, it’s a coping mechanism for a lot of my anxiety and stress. It helps a lot, and it is something productive to do with my hands. I would rather make a bunch of random things I never actually finish than bite my fingernails while watching a movie.

I love my dog, a good ol’ cookies and cream doggy we named Bandit. He’s almost always happy to see me, and likes to look out my window when people come and go from my house.

I adore my girlfriend, Eva, and I have already dedicated an entire blog post to her. But she taught me what it truly means to be loved. To be loved is so much more than the people that birthed you, or acquaintances in the hallways. To be loved is to be cherished, and wanted. To be accepted and belong.

I love myself. And I didn’t love myself for a really long time. I know that’s hard to say, and a lot of times people just won’t admit that. But I didn’t. I didn’t like my body, or my personality, and I felt no matter how hard I tried I just wouldn’t be enough for my mother or my father or myself. I was terrified of the future mainly because, to be entirely honest, I couldn’t envision a future for myself. Middle school kicked my ass, and it was really hard for me to figure out how I was gonna get through the next day.

And I don’t know what changed.

In all honesty, I didn’t change anything I did. I didn’t go on a diet or shave my head or revamp my room to be completely different. The room, my bedroom, that I am currently sitting in and writing this blog post in is nearly identical to the one I sat in at twelve, thirteen, and fourteen years old. The only physical difference is where my desk is.

So what changed?

…Maybe it was my point of view. Maybe it was the fact that I stopped caring what other people think. But is that really it? Is that truly what I did? I still care. I still worry that people won’t like me. I’m still nervous people won’t accept me or I’ll be too over the top or extra or loud or obnoxious.

My mother once called me ‘an asset, and not a liability.’ What kind of parent, what kind of person tells their kid they view them equal to a piece of property, or a nice car?

Maybe that’s what changed.

I stopped caring about what the other people, the ones that never cared or I felt never cared, said about me.

I started dressing the way I was most comfortable, and not the way my mother thought fit her ideologies.

I started behaving like my true self, instead of the way my mother wanted me to act.

 

I began to love myself, rather than forcing myself to be someone that only partially filled the unachievable expectations of another person.

 

What is love? To me? I think it’s being you. Authentically you. Not forcing yourself into a box you never really belonged in for someone else. Seeing someone as they are and accepting them for every flaw, every misunderstanding, every imperfection and still seeing their beauty. And it’s hard. I won’t pretend it’s easy, that would just be stupid. I understand the pain and the struggling you have to go through to get to that place. When it takes years and years to feel like there’s even some semblance of stability, sometimes it feels like it’ll never come. But it will. Maybe through another person, maybe through your favorite shirt, a perfect song, a book, a painting, a masterpiece where you see yourself reflected back to you in the most beautiful way. And eventually you can learn to love.

If you’ve been around here more than once, you’ll know that I really like video games. Growing up, I would watch Youtubers play them and wish I could too (but I had a decade – old Mac that could not download Minecraft, even if I tried), and when I turned 15 I finally got the courage to start asking my dad about personal computers that I could play games on.

Blah blah blah, got my computer (WHICH I ADORE), met my girlfriend on the internet, started getting obsessed with video games. Average Tuesday for a Gen Z-er. However, I didn’t have the years of gaming experience some of my friends or even my girlfriend has. I was bad at learning controls, would get angry at myself over not being able to learn fast enough, and for a long while I hated any kind of first-person shooter game. I was awful and had zero aim whatsoever.

That said, when I got my hand – me – down Nintendo Switch (thank you Eva you are the best), I set out to get some new games for it. I got three games: Let’s Go Pikachu, which I really haven’t played that much, but hopefully I will get into it more soon; Animal Crossing: New Horizons, which I was obsessed with for months, but have slowly tapered off of; the third game being Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. Let me give you a hint — I really like this game.

When I first got it, I plugged BotW into my console and waited for it to download. I got maybe 20 minutes into the game, and I…

Didn’t touch it for five months.

I didn’t understand how to change the view of the camera at the same time as you ran around, and I was so confused how exactly to fight things and lock on… it was a mess. I was a mess. So I didn’t play it for five months, until one day I saw a Tiktok (of all things) talking about the best way to cook dishes in the game. And I thought to myself “huh, that looks cool. Oh wait I own that game let me play it.”

So the next day (which happened to be the day I had an 8 hour car trip to Pennsylvania) I booted up Breath of the Wild and started playing. And I was HOOKED! This game is so fun. There’s fighting, and that is a really important part of the game, but there is so, so much more. You can cook food, you can go on sidequests, you can explore around Hyrule (the land that the game takes place in) and its surrounding areas. This game is huge. There is so much to do, and so many places you can go. I am in love with the characters and the game mechanics, being able to find things and fight creatures — it’s great. How many times will I say that before I hit the word count, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll put a tally at the end (OMG Meg from the future!!! I didn’t).

First of all, I love the ability to go and find stuff. There is something in me that goes absolutely feral when I get to find different fruits and vegetables, find flowers in fields, open crates and chests and find loot. It is so fun. Also, the game has the mechanic where, if you obtain a sword or a bow or a shield, it has a very limited durability. Some weapons have more than others, but it isn’t just a “oh congrats you found a really good bow you get to keep it forever”.

No. You can find that really good bow, but it will eventually break. This is such a cool mechanic to me because you really have to learn how to fight with different weapons. I personally prefer using spears and singular handed swords, because they’re faster and easier (for me) to fight with. That said, they don’t do nearly as much damage as some of the better two – handed weapons, like double handed swords or clubs. That said, I still know how to use them, because there have been times where they are the only weapons I have that I am able to use. The only sword that doesn’t follow this rule is the Master Sword, which is meant to be used solely against the main boss and anything ‘infected’ by him. It has a cooldown if you use it on random enemies, but it does have infinite durability, which is pretty slay and girlboss, if I do say so myself.

Also, this is the kind of infamous part of the game – there are these little guys scattered all over Hyrule called Koroks. And you can find them in a billion different ways: looking under rocks, breaking certain jars, moving stones into place, shooting balloons… the koroks are everywhere. There are 900 of them. Across the map.

900.

You know what isn’t at 900? My word count. But it is past 850! So this must be where I say goodbye. Time to go find some more Koroks!

“I would not paint — a picture — (348)” by Emily Dickinson

 

I would not paint — a picture —

I’d rather be the One

It’s bright impossibility

To dwell — delicious — on — 

And wonder how the fingers feel

Whose rare — celestial — stir —

Evokes so sweet a torment —

Such sumptuous — Despair —

 

I would not talk, like Cornets —

I’d rather be the One

Raised softly to the Ceilings –

And out, and easy on —

Through Villages of Ether — 

Myself endured Balloon

By but a lip of Metal —

The pier to my Pontoon —

 

Nor would I be a Poet —

It’s finer — Own the Ear —

Enamored — impotent — content —

The License to revere,

A privilege so awful

What would the Dower be,

Had I the Art to stun myself

With Bolts — of Melody!

Initially reading Emily Dickinson’s poem “I would not paint — a picture — (348)” left me confused. On the outside, the formatting Dickinson uses suggests a seemingly normal poem, containing a lot of additional em dashes. However, after first reading it through, this is absolutely not the case. Dickinson uses a rhyme scheme for every stanza except for lines four through eight in the first stanza, as well as an assortment of capitalization and em dashes, seemingly at random sometimes, then later switches to commas solely for the final stanza. 

Her metaphors and symbols she weaves through the poem further confused me on my second reading. Why would she “rather be the One” raised up and carried through “Villages of Ether”, only to then say she endured a “Balloon / By but a lip of Metal –” on her pontoon? Are those two things connected? Then I was wondering if whoever “the One” is is a literal balloon? Or possibly even a metaphorical balloon? But in the first stanza, why would she talk about “the One” as having fingers that feel a “rare — celestial — stir –”, evoking sweet torment? I was stuck, and I hadn’t even hit the third stanza yet.

The first thing I told myself I needed to tackle was the em dashes. As we have discussed before in class, Dickinson uses these em dashes in all of her works. Her poetry is full of them, but where the great debate over their meaning is when they are seen in other places of her writing, with some of her cooking and baking recipes harboring these em dashes as well. This begs the question of what they do for the poem. 

I like to start by how I would read this poem in my head, using lines four through six to exhibit: when I read, I imagine each comma is a slight pause — the em dash in my mind is a slightly longer comma, like a beat in a script. When I read lines four through six, I read “To dwell (pause) delicious (pause) on (this em dash I first read as a thought trailing off) / And wonder how the fingers feel / Whose rare (pause) celestial (pause) stir (trailing off once again)”. However, I believe this is not the way Dickinson wanted us to read her poems. I believe she wants us to read it similarly to how you would read it with commas. These dashes aren’t meant to keep these words apart from each other, as em dashes physically look like they are doing. I believe these em dashes might be a way Dickinson connects her words and phrases to feel more fluid. When reading “I would not paint — a picture (348”, I believe these words are supposed to glide together, in the same way a classical or old English piece would. These em dashes are the lines that connect words and allow them to glide into more fluid sentences. 

With a more substantial stance on what the em dashes do in this piece, I decided it was time to move on to understanding what role “the One” has in this poem. This figure was brought up in every stanza, even though it wasn’t outright stated in stanza three. It was mentioned as the narrator wishing to ‘become’ something, so to speak. In stanzas one and two, the second line in each stanza is “I’d rather be the One”, with the ‘o’ in one capitalized. This narrator, whether that is Dickinson herself or simply another person, wishes to become something more than what they already are. In the third stanza, we begin with “Nor would I be a Poet –”, acknowledging the fact that the narrator wants to change, yet still unable to become the thing they desire. This person wishes to be something, yet they cannot achieve becoming “the One”, and they cannot accomplish becoming a poet either.

As far as I understand, Dickinson uses her em dashes to help the reader glide their eyes through the poem, feeling that sense of fluidity and beauty when talking about “the One”, then dropping them when she begins to talk about becoming a Poet. The pull and fluidity of “the One” has fallen away, now talking about a person of sense and not a near god-like figure.

At the end of the day, I still don’t fully understand this poem. What exactly “the One” is supposed to represent, what the lack of rhyme scheme in the first stanza means. There are so many layers and complexities in this piece that I still have not worked out. I annotate my poem to bits and there are still things I could take apart and play with. Even if I broke this poem down line by line, I would still be far away from being able to connect every fiber in this thousand piece puzzle. Maybe with a bit more time or a different perspective, I would be able to find myself “the Art to Stun myself” with those beautiful “Bolts — of Melody!”

If you don’t know, I am a theater kid. Huge shocker, who could have guessed. Now I know most people that act in high school (either as a part of one play or like… thirty) usually don’t do it in college. Or for a career.

You wanna know why?

Because being an actor is hard. Really, really hard.

Acting is fun and I think it should be fun. But the moment it turns professional, it gets so unbelievably overwhelming. For starters, college!

I cannot express in enough words how much college auditions make me want to rip my hair out and scream. It is awful.

I want you to imagine a project for English. Oh, let’s say, the poetry assignment. Or something. Now imagine doing that exact assignment for every single class but slightly differently AND you have to film them slightly professionally AND every class needs a different point of view that you’re filming at AND you have to have every single one memorized.

That is basically college auditions in a nutshell.

Here’s some background so you don’t need to look it up yourself — when auditioning for any type of show, or really just in general, there are four different kinds of ‘texts’ or monologues you can have: classical or contemporary, and comedy or drama. 

There are classical pieces, and those are more like Shakespearean text. Very ‘thou must art bless’d lo whilst” et cetera et cetera. These pieces, in my opinion, suck. They’re hard to memorize, and they are oftentimes tough to actually understand the real meaning of them. Take this sentence from the classical dramatic monologue I’m auditioning with, the Joan of Arc monologue from Shakespeare’s Henry VI Part I:

“Heaven and our Lady gracious hath it pleased

To shine on my contemptible estate:

Lo, whilst I waited on my tender lambs,

And to sun’s parching heat display’d my cheeks,

God’s mother deigned to appear to me

And in a vision full of majesty

Will’d me to leave my base vocation

And free my country from calamity:

Her aid she promised and assured success:

In complete glory she reveal’d herself;

And, whereas I was black and swart before,

With those clear rays which she infused on me

That beauty am I bless’d with which you see.”

That? Is ONE SENTENCE. 

ONE.

Let me sum up what it says in the simplest terms I can so you don’t actually need to comprehend it. Joan is telling this guy (Dauphin, he’s mentioned in the single line before this long one) that God (“Heaven and our Lady”) has sent her to aid in the war efforts and ‘free her country from calamity’, with heavenly aid promised to keep her safe. And then… something something something… “whereas I was black and swart before”? I actually still have no idea what that means so if you have any ideas I’d love to hear them. Basically, the monologue ends with Joan challenging Dauphin that she’s just as good as any man at fighting, even as a woman, and she would be more merciful on him than any “warlike mate”.

You got all that? Cuz I might. Possibly. I don’t like memorizing Shakespeare.

The other monologue I’m using is the Dancer monologue from a play called Thirst, written by Eugene O’Neil in 1914. Old, old show. Now the monologue is good, and I know that. But what I am SO WEIRDED OUT BY is the plot.

This is the plot, extremely summarized, of Thirst by Eugene O’Neil.

Let me take you away: there are three people (a dancer, a ‘gentleman’?, and a sailor) and they are all adrift on this life raft. They;re in the tropic waters of god knows where and there are sharks surrounding them. Very dire situation. And, as it would happen to be, they are slowly all dying of (get this!!!!) thirst. Each character is slowly dehydrating to death and in turn, hallucinating and losing their minds. The dancer and the gentleman begin chatting with each other, and they start to believe that the sailor is hiding water from them because he seems to be doing better than the other two. The dancer offers up her $5,000 diamond necklace for just a sip of water, and when the sailor refuses, the dancer basically offers up her BODY, the last thing she has, and the sailor still refuses that he has any water in the first place. 

Dark stuff, for real for real.

Anyways they continue to dehydrate until the dancer actually begins to lose it. She like… Ok so the summary says she just… like… rips her clothes off? I think she feels too hot or something and she’s just losing it. Anyways. The dancer gets up and begins to dance until she falls down. DEAD. She DIES. So the sailor is like “oh well I guess we’re gonna eat her” and pulls out this knife BUT the gentleman is like “OH I DON’T THINK SO” and throws the dancer’s dead body into the water. So they can’t cannibalize her. And the sailor is so upset that he STABS the gentleman and tries to throw him in the water, but the gentleman drags him into the water with him.

The play ends with the life raft floating silently in the water, with the dancer’s diamond necklace sitting alone on the raft.

 

And now I’ve hit the word count. See you next week!

 

(P. S. – there are no photos this week so you understand how unbelievably bored and annoyed I am with these stupid monologues.)

What have I learned in the past semester? That is a loaded question.

I have learned I cannot stand the smell of olives, especially the black olives we used in Senior Foods. They make me gag.

I have learned my friend Elyse Huang can fix my neck when I feel uncomfortable

and can’t seem to get the anxiety out – if she rubs the back of my neck and hits me a little lower on the spine, I feel perfectly fine.

I have learned I love the Bristol Renaissance Faire. I love the people, seeing other people’s costumes and talking with everyone around me and having a good time. And I got to dress up as a pirate. That was really fun.

I have learned that in the few months we have been in this semester, I have missed my girlfriend Eva more than anything. I started this semester two days after I left England to the US, back in August, and I will be ending it two days before I go to see her again.

I have learned that I might have ADHD and will get tested for it soon, I have learned I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled in February.

I have learned I have a really strange taste in music in the past few months. I keep switching to new playlists, like I just can’t get enough new music in before its predecessors feel used up. I have learned that “Goodbye” by The Altogether i

s probably and will probably always be my favorite song in the whole world.

I have learned that I really wasn’t satisfied with my old job, and I have learned I absolutely love my new job. My manager painted my nails for me, a dark glittery green.

I have learned that quitting show choir was the right decision. I don’t think I could’ve gotten this far this year if I had continued it. I would’ve been swamped with college applications and theater and life in general.

Speaking of college applications – I have learned how to apply and submit my college applications for university in the UK. Now all I have to do is wait.

I have learned I still love to crochet, and I have learned I love really awful TV shows only middle-aged white women watch. Grey’s Anatomy and NCIS have kept me captivated for the past few months (and, looking back, I realize why my mom never let me watch NCIS with her. I just wanted to see the cool lady with the black hair and bangs. And she wonders why I love true crime so much now).

I have learned I am proud of myself. Looking back, I never thought this far ahead of myself – I’m the kind of person to live in the moment. I don’t like to look ahead to the future because it scares me. I don’t know what’s ahead of me, and I don’t know what will happen to me. But I did it. I applied to college. I studied hard. I let myself enjoy my life at the same time and I’m still here. I have learned I am so proud of myself.

There are still lots of things I don’t know about myself, things I want to figure out – where I want to live when I move out and leave for college. Where (or hell, if) I get accepted into university in the UK. What I will be thinking and doing and dreaming about a year from today, or two years, or five. I don’t know a lot, and I don’t have the answers to everything, but I want to have the answers. I want to know more about myself, and I want to grow more as a person. I want to find my favorite songs, I want to make friends with more people, I want to make more, act more, crochet more, I want to do more.

I know, for a fact, that I am happier. Even though it’s been rough, and I’ve struggled, I truly am the happiest I have been in a long, long time. And for that, I am grateful.

…So you want to learn about the rest of the list. And let me tell you, it only gets better.

For those of you who didn’t read my last blog post and don’t feel like reading all 1000 words of madness, let me fill you in.

Stardew Valley is a video game by Concerned Ape about farming, fishing, mining, making money, and making friends with the people in the lovely village of Pelican Town. It is these people I will be focusing on. More specifically, the bachelors and bachelorettes of Pelican Town. There is a set, small number of people in Stardew Valley that you can romance through the giving of gifts, talking to them daily, and overall going out of the way to greet them.

Our roster of characters we went over last time included a demon spawn from hell (Haley) who is only lovable by ‘nice guys’; the town alcoholic (Shane) who is only lovable by people with an “I cAn fiX HiM” mentality; a misogynistic jock (Alex) who makes the player feel uncomfortable with his off putting comments; an oblivious seamstress (Emily) who is loved by someone else in Pelican Town (and let’s be honest, if you marry Emily to spite Clint, the man in love with her, what are you doing with your life); a bratty and rebellious ‘adventurer’ (Abigail) who does everything to spite her parents; and Maru. Maru is okay, she’s just hard to get gifts for.

Penny, the schoolteacher of the two kids in town, was my list’s midpoint – she’s easy enough to get gifts for, but lacks a lot of personality. She wants the character to go as far as lie about her cooking just to make her happy. I don’t adore Penny, but then again, she’s just sort of… there. Now! The moment you’ve all been waiting for… the top 5 on my list of best Stardew Valley bachelors and bachelorettes.

After Penny, we have Elliott. Some people are ride or die Elliott stans, and I can understand it – he’s a writer that lives down by the ocean. He’s a dreamy and romantic love boat. Elliott looks like he could stand in for the shirtless man on the front of a two dollar romance novel. He can be difficult to find gifts for, with favorite gifts like pomegranates and crab cakes, but he has an elegant charm to him. One cutscene reveals how he doesn’t know where his life is taking him. Relatable, Elliott. Me too. The only reason he isn’t higher up on the list is because of his reactions when giving him gifts he doesn’t like, and he hurt my feelings when I gave him a flower and he responded with “This item gives me a terrible feeling. I’ll have to dispose of it.”

Harsh.

Next up is a fan favorite – Harvey, doctor in the clinic, and lover of coffee and pickles (separately, not coffee pickles). My friend Olivia Konstantellos is obsessed with Harvey. He is kind of quirky, and while I can see the appeal, I’m just not that into him. My personal schedule never lined up with his, and unless you were obsessed with talking to him, it’s hard to sync up how you play the game day to day with when he’s working in his clinic or not. Not my favorite, but a tribute for Olivia (who I will make read this one paragraph once I’m done).

My top three pick for Stardew lovers is Sebastian. He is this emo-haired, soft-hearted bachelor that I adore. He lives up in the mountains, reasonably close to the farm you live on, and is just… misunderstood. The game never outright says it, but through different cutscenes, it is discovered that Sebastian has depression. That said, he always smiles when you find him an item that he loves. We will also forever and always look past the fact that the game tries to tell the player he has a crush on Abigail. No he does not, he will love me. Can I fix him? Yes. And I will. I love Sebastian. 

Between the two characters left for first place, in second place will have to be Leah. Leah is my wife in my current save (before I divorced her, it’s a long story, I was trying to unlock something, okay?), and she is amazing. She lives in a little cottage near the southwestern lake in town, while she practices her art and creates sculptures. She is amazing, no matter how many people call her a crunchy granola lady. She is a crunchy granola lady, but sometimes she gifts me mushrooms in the morning, and she’s pretty cool. I love all of her cutscenes, when she goes out of her way to make a picnic for the player to go on, or when she punches her ex who comes back to try to take her back to the city. Leah is a badass and I adore her. Oh and did I mention, she’s gorgeous. End of story.

But not the end yet! Sitting at the top of the list, my all time favorite Stardew love interest is…

Sam!

Sam is amazing. A godsend. He plays in a band!! He’s good with kids, playing with and taking care of his brother Vincent while his father is off fighting in a war! He has funny hair! He skateboards!! Sam is kindhearted, opening up and talking to the character about all sorts of things. If there’s one thing to be certain about, Sam is NOT emotionally unavailable. He is very, very available. For the player. Sam is very easy to get gifts for, with one of his liked gifts (a tier below ‘favorite’ gifts) is a specific piece of trash you can accidentally fish up, called Joja Cola. He is easy to please and easy to love, and I think he’s just great.

Thank you for sticking around through this 2,000 word rant about one of my favorite video games of all time. And remember, you can always Call Me Meg.

If you didn’t read my last blog post, let me catch you up on what’s going down. Last time you heard from me, I talked about all of my favorite and least favorite villagers on my Animal Crossing: New Horizons island. This week, we’re going to tackle another one of my favorite games: Stardew Valley.

If you ask google, “what other games are similar to Animal Crossing?”, you get Stardew Valley. Now, Stardew is very different from AC in many ways – in AC, time is synched up to the real world. If you were to log onto the (best) ACNH island, Capybara Island, it would be November right now. Stardew Valley has time set days and seasons – every season (spring, summer, fall, winter) is composed of 28, 13-minute days, with each season lasting a little over 6 hours.

Stardew Valley is a farming simulator game, with a very creative game type style – there are objectives, but you don’t necessarily need to complete them in order to have fun in the game. There are many ways to speed run and play Stardew, but the main mechanic in the game is ranking up your ‘skills’, which includes farming, foraging, fishing, mining, and combat. One of the main portions of the game is talking with and befriending the characters that live in and around Pelican Town, the tiny city the game takes place in. You can also marry a few of these characters, making them the bachelors and bachelorettes of the town. By talking to them daily, giving them gifts, and in general interacting with them, you will gain ‘hearts’ with them, and slowly befriend them. These characters are the ones I will be ranking today.

I would like to give an honorable mention before we begin – I will not be ranking any of the townsfolk from Pelican Town, anyone from Calico Desert, or anyone from Ginger Island, because we would be here for hours, they are more late-game characters, and they are not bachelors or bachelorettes for the character to ‘date’ and ‘marry’ in game. The rest of the characters might be ranked in another blog post. So HERE WE GO! Starting off with the worst of the worst, my least favorite marriage candidate in the whole game…

Haley. This stuck up, rude, demon spawn from hell is the LAST person anyone wants to marry in their Stardew save. She is rude and mean towards the character in all of her interactable scenes and dialogue up until about 8 hearts (which, for the record, is really hard to achieve without actively searching her out). Some of her favorite gifts include pink cake, diamonds, and sunflowers, all of which are very difficult to get in the very first season of the game. One of her cutscenes in the game include her needing the character to help her open a jar of pickles. That is the extent of how much she reaches out emotionally to the character. She’s lame, I hate her, everyone hates Haley. Goodbye.

After Haley, we have our buddy, the alcoholic – Shane. He’s aggressive towards the character, and will shout at you until you reach four hearts (that’s when his dialogue options become a little kinder. Only a little). Some of Shane’s favorite gifts include everything an alcoholic would love, from beer and pizza to hot peppers and pepper poppers. In one of his cutscenes, the character finds him unconscious and has to take him to the hospital to get him sober. People that choose Shane have an “I cAn fiX HiM” mentality. His only perk is that he gives the character blue chickens when you marry him. Nothing else about this man is good.

Next on the chopping block is Alex. Alex is a jock and, at one point, says that women aren’t good enough to play football. Sir. Breathe in, breathe out, it’s 2022. Try again. One of his cutscenes includes him trying to play some kind of sport with the player (I’m a theater kid, okay? I don’t know what it is) and the player fails to catch it, saying that they’ll do better next time. He makes me One of his cutscenes includes him trying to play some kind of sport with the player (I’m a theater kid, okay? I don’t know what it is) and the player fails to catch it, saying that they’ll do better next time. His two favorite items are two ‘cooked’ dishes, complete breakfast and salmon dinner. Both of these require some harder to obtain foods in order to cook, making him higher maintenance & harder to give gifts and in turn, gain hearts with.

After our jock, we’re gonna switch it up and move on to Emily. Emily is related to Haley and they live together. If you want to find Emily at home, she will probably be around the she-devil. Some of Emily’s favorite gifts are most generic crystals, as well as wool or cloth, which are very expensive to make and process. ALSO – Clint, the town’s blacksmith, has a crush on Emily, and she is COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS! So oblivious, it’s painful. Of course Clint won’t tell Emily his true feelings, so marrying Emily just feels… wrong.

Once we get past Emily, we move onto the most adventurous of the characters here – Abigail. Her father is the owner of the town store and disapproves of his daughter and her love for ‘adventure’. Abigail, in more than one cutscene, is seen getting hurt by trying to be cool and adventurous. Her favorite gifts are difficult-to-obtain foods like banana pudding or blackberry cobbler. Abigail comes off as a bratty teenager who doesn’t want to listen to her parents.

Next up is Maru. I have nothing to say about Maru. I rarely talk to her, and it’s really hard to give gifts. Her favorite things are battery packs, a few food items, and gold-iridium-radioactive bars, which are SO so hard to obtain in the game, and I wouldn’t even fathom gifting them to a character early in the game. That’s all I’ve got for Maru.

We now reach the middle of our list, Penny! Penny is plain, Penny is boring, and Penny likes to teach the two children of the town. She’s just. Penny. The end.

….Oh no folks!! Looks like I’m out of words for this week. Tune in next time to hear the top of my list of the best bachelors and bachelorettes in Stardew Valley!

As many of you know (and as you all are about to find out), I love Animal Crossing. I have played Animal Crossing: Wild World, one of the first AC games to come out on the Nintendo DS way back in 2005, ever since freshman year, on a pink Nintendo 3DS that was a hand me down gift from a friend. I loved that game so much, and when Animal Crossing: New Horizons came out in March of 2020, I was mesmerized. It was so much more updated from some of the oldest versions of the game (shocking, I know), and I wanted to play it so badly.

Only one problem.

I did not own a Nintendo Switch. But guess who did!

My girlfriend, Eva. Shocker number two. She graciously gifted it to me (making it my second hand me down Nintendo console I now own), and we went and bought ACNH later that day. I have played it (almost!) every single day since I first got it, which was some time in early August. Since then, I have upgraded my town store and town hall, gotten the tailors shop, and have gotten K.K. Slider, a popular musician in the AC universe, to perform on my island, a major achievement in the early game. After you get K.K. to perform on your island, you are free to do as you please. There are no more built in objectives in the game. Which means I needed to create my own objectives. And what do I love in the real world?

That’s right. Making friends.

My goal was to have the best, quirkiest cast of villagers living on Capybara Island (I chose the name, and the residents loved it). I wanted my villagers to be unique, with various personality types.

That said, let’s dive right in.

From worst villager on Capybara, to best, including their personality type and animal species, let’s start with my least favorite first.

Frank.

Frank just recently moved off of my island, and oh boy, was that a relief. Ever since this cranky, jock-type, terribly colored eagle moved to Capybara, I was looking forward to kicking him out. He had a low voice, a trait which was taken by someone else on my island already (who I will get to later), his house was ugly, and overall, I just didn’t like him.

Next up on the worst villagers on my island is going to have to be Katt. Katt is one of my oldest villagers, and the only one remaining of the two that originally came on my island. I have nothing truly wrong with this sisterly cat, but she always wears this ugly shirt and I cannot forgive her for having poor taste in fashion.

Third from the bottom is Tank, a jock rhino. Let me get this straight – I do not like the villagers with jock personalities. Tank is my one exception. That said, he’s not my favorite – he moved to my island at the same time as Frank and I didn’t like him at all to start, until I realized he is one of my original villagers from my Animal Crossing: Wild World save. That is probably the only reason I keep him.

After Tank, we have Teddy. Now, Teddy was the other villager that came with my island initially, along with Katt. This jock type bear (my only other exception) holds a sweet place in my heart, and when he decided it was time for him to move out, I let him go. It was a sweet goodbye, but I do miss him.

Next up on the roster is Wolfgang, a cranky wolf, who is nostalgic to me the same way Tank was. He is a comfort character to me, and emotionally, means a lot to me. He is only this far down on the list because I don’t usually talk to him as often. He likes to hide.

The midpoint on my list is Robin. Robin is a snooty bird villager who I honestly have nothing for or against. He’s just kind of… there. Currently, Robin’s job is to hold down the halfway point in this list.

Ed is next – my resident smug horse. He is at the bottom of the top half of my list. I love Ed’s house and his personality, plus, he is the only villager on my island to have a birthday as of now. I like Ed, but not as much as the ones on top of my list, so here he sits.

After Ed, we have Fauna and Hornsby. Fauna is a normal deer, and Hornsby is a lazy rhino villager. I rank Hornsby above Fauna on the scale, but I found both of them on the same day. They both are adorable and I love their presence on my island. I want to keep Hornsby forever, and… yeah Fauna is pretty good too.

In the number two spot on my list, we have Cranston. Cranston is a lazy ostrich, but he is anything but lazy in my heart. He has a really fun design, with his spiky feathers and yellow eyes surrounded by a red mask. He’s got a super cool house that matches his color design (white marble floors with red Japanese style furniture) and he lives on top of a little cliff that is only for him. I have put him on a pedestal, and I love him.

And my top villager, a peppy duck, living in one of my favorite places on the island…

Ketchup.

Just look at her. She is perfect. Even her name is a pun.

I love Ketchup.

And that’s it! That is my list of my least favorite to absolute favorite villagers on my Animal Crossing: New Horizons island. Stay tuned for next time, where I rate every single villager in Stardew Valley.

Listen.

If there’s one thing I talk about more than anything – more than how much I loath math, more than the fact that my Honda minivan with the “Swim Mom” sticker on the back is named Deborah, more than how much I hate the fact (and love that) I play too much Animal Crossing: New Horizons — it’s my girlfriend. And, since I haven’t truly found a path I want to take with this blog, I get to talk about whatever I want.

Hey! Hi! My name is Meg, and I love my girlfriend!

If you have not listened to me talk any longer past that sentence (see above), congratulations! You know the base amount of information. Here is the rest:

• My girlfriend’s name is Eva.
• She is great to me (until she calls me a reject Elf on the Shelf).
• Eva lives in England (don’t ask how we met).
• We met online, on Discord (oh my god I just said don’t ask).
• We have been dating for 1 year, 9 months, and 23 days, as of today, October 13, 2022 (…but who’s counting?).
• Did I mention, I love my girlfriend.

Now, Eva and I met in January of 2021, and I started dating her in… January of 2021. If she told me even a year after that I would still be dating her, I would have laughed in her face. At the time, it seemed so impossible for anything to last that long. Furthermore, if I would be able to give one piece of advice for anyone, it is as follows:

• DON’T GET INTO A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AT 15 YEARS OLD.

Is it funny? Yes. Am I correct? Yes. That said, if you think you met the right person at the right time, go for it. I do not regret having a relationship that young. At the time, I was, as one Mr. Johnny Lee sang in 1980, “lookin’ for love in all the wrong places”. I wanted attention, and my friends were tired of me texting them day after day after day after day after day– I needed someone new to annoy.

At the time, when I met Eva, it was the peak of the pandemic. I was trapped in my house for DAYS on end, and had to talk to my little sibling every single day just to keep my sanity. Times were rough. I wanted to make friends. Online classes wouldn’t allow that to happen, so I was dead set on finding a way in. My father, feeling pitiful over my slowly decaying social life, graciously gifted me a Dell G3 gaming laptop for the coming Christmas (it has a light up keyboard. I love this laptop). Discord was installed the day I got it. 

Not wanting to look like a poser, I joined a few random servers to make it look like I was doing something on the app. One direct message to a random server member later, and I got to chatting with a very kind girl I was ninety-nine percent sure wasn’t a forty year old man living in his mother’s basement.

I did not understand what I was getting into when this cute British girl asked me to go out with her late one cold January night over Instagram direct messages.

And for anyone asking, I said yes. This was immediately followed up with confusion on how we would “go out” when we lived 4,000 miles away. Don’t worry, we figured it out.

In all seriousness, Eva has helped get me through some of the hardest times in my life. She is the reason I continue to try, and always helps me when I know I need to take a break but don’t want to admit it. I have spent the last year and a half (and a little bit more) pouring my heart out to her and doing my best to help her too. I am forever grateful to have her, and I wouldn’t want to have anyone else in the whole world.

She makes 4,000 miles feel like nothing.