Upon first reading “It was not Death, for I stood up,” I knew I’d found the perfect poem for this essay. Honestly, I had no idea where to start – I was disoriented by the unfamiliar vocabulary (what were Siroccos? Chancels?), the fragmented sentences separated abruptly by dashes, and more. 

 

After turning to a dictionary to resolve my vocabulary-induced confusion, I set out to identify patterns that could provide insight. The recurring lines in the initial stanzas, all beginning with “It was not… for,” caught my attention:

 

“It was not Death, for I stood up,

And all the Dead, lie down –

It was not Night, for all the Bells

Put out their Tongues, for Noon.

It was not Frost, for on my Flesh

I felt Siroccos – crawl –

Nor Fire – for just my marble feet

Could keep a Chancel, cool -”

 

Intrigued by this repetition, I strived to decipher its possible meaning. I noticed how, to begin each sentence, Dickinson concedes that she is not genuinely experiencing death, night, frost, or fire. Then, after the “for”, she describes the tangible reasons that led her to this conclusion. To me, the repetition of what “it” was “not” emphasized her inability to pinpoint her emotions: she doesn’t know exactly what she feels, only what she does not. Furthermore, her systemic listing seems like an ongoing thought process: reading this stanza, it felt like I was watching Dickinson attempt, unsuccessfully, to logically understand her affliction.

 

As I kept reading, I noticed a tonal shift in line 9, “And yet, it tasted, like them all.” This line perplexed me, because it conflicted with the logicality of the previous sentences. Despite Dickinson’s rational understanding that she was not experiencing death, night, frost, or fire, she somehow felt all of them simultaneously. Thinking about it, I realized that this confusion was likely intentional – conveying Dickinson’s own uncertainty and the seeming irrationality of her feelings. 

 

Reading on, the lines “The Figures I have seen Set orderly, for Burial, Reminded me, of mine—” (10-12), initially puzzled me: the first mental image I conjured was of toy figurines. Yet upon rereading, I realized the “Figures” were corpses, which Dickinson related herself to. Keeping this in mind, I noticed that many lines connected her experience to the idea of death: “could not breathe without a key” (15) could describe a sense of suffocation inside a coffin, while “everything that ticked—has stopped” (17) could convey the freezing of time after dying. 

 

Encouraged by this new thematic element, I moved forward, but my moment of clarity was dashed by the last two stanzas. Reading the lines “Or Grisly frosts – first Autumn morns, Repeal the Beating Ground -”, I did a double-take. I assumed “morns” meant mornings, yet the abbreviation reminded me of “mourns”, continuing the theme of mortality. I also found it interesting that “Grisly”, the adjective, was capitalized rather than “frost”, the noun. I thought this could be a poetic choice emphasizing the frost’s gruesome nature. Mostly, though, I was confounded by the idea of repealing the “Beating Ground.”  What could this mean? I thought about all the connotations for “beating” when used as an adjective – for example, it could refer to beating drums or a beating heart. I figured it was most likely the latter, since stopping a heartbeat seemed most compatible with the ongoing motif of death. With this interpretation, the imagery of the “ground” – perhaps even the whole earth – stopping its heartbeat conveyed to me the magnitude of Dickinson’s pain. 

 

At this point, having discerned the underlying tone of confusion and the recurring motif of death, I felt considerably more confident. However, I was soon met with my greatest difficulty, the last stanza:

 

“But most, like Chaos – Stopless – cool –

Without a Chance, or spar –

Or even a Report of Land –

To justify – Despair.”

 

These lines seemed disjointed and initially made no sense. On my second read-over, I began by grouping words and phrases to find a common thread. I figured that “Stopless” and “cool” modified “Chaos”, symbolizing Dickinson’s inner turmoil. As I strived to string together the entire stanza, I found it more effective to read the passage without dashes, as a coherently flowing sentence. This way, the “spar” (which I learned was the mast of a ship) and “Report of Land” created a nautical metaphor. Dickinson felt lost at sea, unable to see another ship’s mast or even hear of possible landfall. To me, this furthered the poem’s tone of hopelessness and aligned perfectly with the idea of “stopless” Chaos. Reading the stanza without pause, the last line of “To justify – Despair” also became clear. Dickinson finds no rational cause for her emotions – she searches for a reason to justify her despair, yet ultimately finds none: only endless confusion. 

 

With this improved understanding, I again reread the stanza, this time including pauses for each dash. Reading this way, I gained new insights: the line “To justify – Despair,” could also be read as separate phrases, and the standalone usage of “Despair” would emphasize its importance to the poem’s tone. Furthermore, the addition of “Despair” at the very end could suggest that it was a product of her previous emotions: confusion about her despair was resulting in further misery. Lastly, the awkward choppiness of the sentences, which I initially found cumbersome, now seemed fitting to convey Dickinson’s fragmented thought process. 

 

In the end, I concluded that the poem depicted a profound hopelessness that Dickinson grappled with yet could not comprehend or explain. However, I still have unanswered questions. For example, why is Chaos described as “cool”? Why, despite Dickinson’s insistence that what she’s undergoing is “not Death,” did she continue to liken her condition to death through metaphor and diction? 

 

These are matters that I will contemplate further. As I continue to explore, I’m excited to grow my understanding of this poem and others!