Over these past few years, in times of toil and trouble, high school heartbreak and headaches, one beverage in particular has kept me grounded: LaCroix.
Although I am constantly ridiculed by my family and friends, I turn to this pretentious French-sounding but somehow based-in-Wisconsin sparkling water brand whenever I get a craving for soda or juice, or even just when I get bored of water. In the five years since that first fateful can of La Croix, I have had the pleasure (or sometimes, pain) of trying, apparently, 16 flavors.
Still, I concede that LaCroix is an acquired taste, so for this week’s blog, I decided to lend a hand to the La Croix uninitiated and offer the definitive La Croix tier list, based on my personal experience, so one can avoid making the same mistakes I did.
S Tier:
- Lime
- Mango
- Tangerine
- Black Razz-berry
A common critique against La Croix is that the drink lacks in the flavor department (according to one Twitter comment, “La Croix tastes like it was made by a society in which flavor is the scarcest natural resource”), but I’d like to show these flavors to any skeptic.
Lime and Mango are refreshingly cool, while Tangerine and Black Razz-berry carry a welcome acidity, like a sour candy. What’s more is that they taste almost exactly the same as the fruits, or even better, the juices they mimic. Lime tastes like Sprite, Mangos tastes like that “Mango Nectar” they sell at Costco, Tangerine tastes like a Cutie (the brand of mandarin oranges), and for lack of an adequate comparison, Black Razz-berry just tastes good.
A Tier:
- Limoncello
- Watermelon
- Lemon
- Key Lime
There’s definitely a big drop off between S and A tier – I wouldn’t buy any flavor in the A tier on its own, but I’ll certainly enjoy it if it comes in Costco’s La Croix value pack. Still, Limoncello and Watermelon have carved out a niche as sweet, floral flavors, evoking images of a Mediterranean town by the summer seaside. Lemon is another tried and true flavor, and tastes authentic to the real fruit, albeit more subdued than the Lime flavor. Finally, Key Lime is similar to Lime, although distinctly more artificial. If you’ve ever had Yoplait’s Key Lime yogurt, this flavor tastes surprisingly similar.
B Tier:
- Razz-cranberry
- Passionfruit
- Berry
- Pamplemousse
Although I recall enjoying all of these nondescript flavors, I couldn’t tell you a single thing about what they actually taste like. For all I know, they could all be the same flavor masquerading as four.
Also, according to the internet’s pre-existing La Croix tier lists, Pamplemousse (Pamplemousse is a fancy French way of saying “Grapefruit”) is almost universally classified as an “S” flavor, but I have to disagree. The acidity of the drink obscures the actual grapefruit flavor too much, which, I will admit, is already a bit muted.
C Tier:
- Cerise Limón
- Piña Fraise
- Hi-Biscus
Things start to fall apart in this category. Two of the flavors, Cerise Limón and Piña Fraise are part of the “Cúrate” collection of La Croix, which usually feature more “exotic” blends of flavors. Visually, the cans are a lot taller and skinnier, which apparently is supposed to make it easier to carry around, say, in one’s purse. Even as an advocate for the brand, I find this premise a tad ridiculous (who carries cans of soda around with them?), so this already docks the “Cúrate” line a few points in my book.
Flavor wise, I find Hi-Biscus a little too chemical, and Cerise Limón (Cherry Lime) tastes just a bit like cough syrup. Out of these three, Piña Fraise (Pineapple Strawberry), is the best, but I think the pineapple flavor overwhelms the strawberry just a bit too much.
D Tier:
- Múre Pepino
This flavor is another “Cúrate” flavor, and it’s just a fancy way of saying “Cucumber Blackberry”. If this strange combination seems a bit unpleasant, your suspicions are correct. I’m not a fan of cucumber water to begin with, but combining it with blackberry seems to enhance that grassy, earth-like quality cucumbers have – the mixture ends up tasting just a little bit like dirt.
F Tier:
- Peach-Pear
Although the other flavors manage to mimic their natural fruit flavors relatively well, this one tastes like those canned peaches served in elementary school lunch lines. It also has a strange, chemical aftertaste that reminds me of what floor cleaner smells like. I had high hopes for this flavor – in theory, it sounds like it sounds like it should work, but I was sorely disappointed.
For now, I hope I’ve convinced at least one La Croix atheist to give the drink another shot. On the off chance that a La Croix fan, if any actually exist, stumbles upon this post, let me know which rankings you would have changed – thanks for reading!
Hi Evelyn,
I’ve known you were a La Croix fan forever, so it was really endearing to read your introduction and learn firsthand about the sentimentality this beverage holds to you. And when I scrolled a bit and read that you were a self-described brand advocate for La Croix, it made me smile even more.
This is the perfect last blog for you for so many reasons. It’s not a joke blog, as you clearly did your research. There’s so much intention behind each and every placement, and you also seem to have tasted each flavor multiple times based on the sheer amount of detail involved in every single placement. I’m not sure if I could ever compete with this level of dedication for a single product, so I applaud you for it.
I’d also like to take a moment to talk about some of these flavor names. I like how you described the brand name as pretentious and French-sounding because it’s exactly right. Black Razz-berry instead of raspberry is a name I struggle to believe improves shelf performance. We seriously need to have a discussion with the marketing folks up north. Pamplemousse is also exceedingly stupid; grapefruit is already not the most popular fruit, but hiding that behind such a strange flavor doesn’t make it any more desireable. And you’ve sold me when it comes to hating on curate. Travelling with carbonated beverages in bags can cause them to explode if you’re not gentle. Why somebody would encourage this behavior is beyond me.
Overall, I’ve really enjoyed your blogs over the last 2 semesters. Never stop drinking La Croix, and thanks for another great read.
Evelyn,
Boy was I excited to read this blog. La Croix is a craze that I never understood– to me, sparkling water tastes like TV static. It actually used to physically hurt me when I drank it– it burns. However, last year I inexplicably decided to drink it to strengthen my character. Since then I’ve improved and drink it of my own volition (usually because I appreciate how cold & convenient it is)! The one time I went to your house I tried a La Croix I had never even seen before (was it the blackrazzberry one?? I know it was purple) and I enjoyed it! Reading your blog, I am realizing that there are so many more flavors than I knew of. My family only buys green (lime?), pink (grapefruit?), and yellow (lemon??). Honestly there is no rhyme or reason behind my choice of La Croix– I’m not even sure I recognize the difference between the flavors. Your comment on the authenticity of the flavor of the S-tier drinks makes me want to pay closer attention. Also I’ve never seen the Cúrate collection, but the different can shape makes me want to try (I am a simple woman). Will stay away from Múre Pepino per your recommendation, though!
Hey Evelyn! This blog is oddly nostalgic for me, because growing up, the only drink we had in my house other than water was La Croix. However, I always saw myself leaving half-finished La Croix around the house unless it was a limoncello. That one is my #1 flavor, although I haven’t tried them all. I can’t believe lemonchili made the A-tier!! Although the only flavor I have had on the S tier is lime, which is an iconic flavor. I’ll need to try the others as well, although I do not know where to purchase it. Ahaha B tier is funny to me because trying to distinguish each of these flavors on their own is messing with my brain. I really like how you described each of these flavors, and I feel like you would be great food critics. I am going to make myself a list, as I too want to be as well adept at La Croix flavors. I always remember having lemon, raspberry, and lime. Those were the og’s. Is There a specific thing that got you into trying La Croix’s? I feel like it is a very niche interest, because I do only know many people who love them, but those of them that do are slightly obsessed.
Hi Evelyn! I am also a pretty big La Croix fan, so I really enjoyed reading this blog post. I’ve come to prefer beverages that aren’t very sweet and feel almost a tiny bit punishing to consume, be it black coffee or sparkling water.
I’m incredibly impressed that you’ve managed to sample 16 flavors — when it comes to La Croix, I have a tendency to stick to what I like, so I haven’t ventured much beyond the most basic flavors, but maybe it’s time to be a little more adventurous this summer.
I’m glad to see some appreciation for lime — probably the most classic and universally liked flavor, and one of my personal favorites. However, I do have to argue with you bumping Pamplemousse all the way down to B tier. I am a grapefruit enthusiast, even if several of my friends make fun of me for it, and I think the grapefruit La Croix is super refreshing and fun. I like lemon and tangerine as well; any other flavors I’ve tried are a little bit of a blur — I do think I tried Razz-Cranberry and did not like it at all; from what I remember, the taste was more reminiscent of chemicals than a pleasant berry mix. Anyway, great post!!