It is my understanding that most of you probably know I have synesthesia: a condition where my senses are jumbled up, and I can see “auras” of people and sounds and music.
I’m pretty sure this information started floating around after I wrote my personal statement about it last semester; ironically, though, that essay surrounded the fact that my synesthesia was fading, a key point that people conveniently skipped over or simply forgot.
Since then, I’ve had dozens of people ask me about it. Even though it annoys me sometimes (most of the time) because this was never something other people were supposed to know, I understand why people are intrigued. So today, I’m here to answer some of my most frequently asked questions.
Wait, what exactly is synesthesia?
Synesthesia is “the production of a sense impression relating to one sense or part of the body by stimulation of another sense or part of the body.” What this means is that your senses are intertwined and can be experienced simultaneously, so people can taste words or see smells.
I have chromesthesia, which means I see sounds as colors. I can also see colorful “auras” around people, and can associate their voices to colors. I don’t have the type of synesthesia that has anything to do with smell, taste, or touch.
The cause of synesthesia has something to do with the brain and can possibly be genetic, but there seems to be a lack of research. Some scientists think this might have something to do with the pruning our brains do when we’re younger, but I’m just a high school girl, so I can’t really give you an answer there.
So what do you see?
It’s hard to describe what exactly I see. Growing up, I genuinely thought my vision was normal — in fact, even though he doesn’t remember, I vividly remember asking my dad if everyone saw floating colors, and he said yes (he blindly agrees with everything). So I never asked again.
I didn’t realize I had synesthesia until I was in 4th grade and a dear friend of mine suggested that I read The Name of this Book is Secret, in which the main character has synesthesia. It was then that I realized this was not normal.
The best way I can describe it is as shapes of sheer color rotating around a person. Sometimes the color manifests in stripes coming out, or as circles, or triangles. Other times, it’s kind of just…there? Most of the time, I see this kind of shiny film too. Some people are just shiny, while others have glitter. People can also be multiple colors; people can also be really, really solid. For music, I see colors as the songs progress, and they change and dance with the sound.
Do the colors mean anything?
Not that I know of. I haven’t spent a lot of time analyzing if there’s a specific color for people I dislike more heavily, or if I associate people with colors that they really like, but this just has never made sense to me. For example: my sister’s favorite color is pink, so one might assume that the reason I see her as pink is because she’s had pink stuff our whole lives. But this makes no sense in my head, because she likes light pink, and I see her as the most obnoxious neon pink you could think of.
Google tells you that there is personality-based or emotion-based synesthesia, but my experiences just don’t match up with that. I’m pretty sure this isn’t based on vibes or a hidden feeling I have toward people.
Oh, and this also has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a “silver” or “gold” person. That’s just basic color theory.
Can the colors change?
Actually, yes. This doesn’t happen often, and I’m starting to catch it less and less, but occasionally people will change. For example, I’m pretty sure Nichole used to be green when we were in elementary school, but she’s been lilac since like 7th grade.
I don’t think there’s a reason, and I don’t think it’s connected to anything. I think that this is just the way it is; it’s kind of like how we used to hear things differently when we were younger or how our eyesight changes as we age.
Does it bother you?
No, not really. Since I thought it was normal growing up, I learned to work around it. I don’t mind that I don’t have it as strongly anymore either, because it’s a lot less distracting.
How can it fade?
It just…did. I think “fade” is a good word to describe it because it started with the colors just becoming lighter. When I was little, I’m pretty sure my vision could go “normal” when I was super tired, so it wasn’t like the disappearance was a completely unfamiliar experience to me. Eventually, I just stopped seeing colors around people or when I listened to music.
I don’t remember when, but at some point, I discovered that I could manifest it back again if I just thought about it really hard. It sounds ridiculous, but that’s literally what I would do: stare and think. So now, I can see colors when people speak or when I see them again, but I did permanently lose the ability to see colors when listening to music, I think.
Finally…
WHAT COLOR AM I?
I completely understand that a lot of people want to know: what do I see when I look at them? What is their aura? If I was in their shoes, I’d desperately want to know too.
But again, my synesthesia is fading. I’m (like 97%) sure my vision is normal now, and I see the same colors that you see (except maybe not Bryce). What this means is that every time someone asks me this question, I literally have to stand there, staring at them, thinking (something I don’t like doing) about it, and then struggle to find the right words to describe what I’m seeing, which is a faint version of what I would have seen 10 years ago. It’s exhausting and only gets harder as time goes on.
I think the other reason it’s so difficult for me to explain what colors people are is because it’s usually not that simple. With the movement and the shifts, I can’t even draw it out. So when people ask me what color they are, most of the time it’s just too much work to actually tell them. It’s also always bothered me when people ask because I never thought this was a big deal, and I kind of hate that people associate me with a trait that I’m starting to not have. At this point, I’d much prefer if no one ever asked me this question ever again.
…but, in honor of the end of the year, IF YOU COMMENT YOU CAN ASK ME WHAT COLOR YOU ARE 🦅AFTER THAT (I humbly request) NO ONE ASK AGAIN.
(P.S. Mr. Stanicek — you’re maroon with streaks of yellow swirled with orange)
Kate, I am sorry for any trouble that I may have caused you continuously asking what color I am. Ever since you told me about your synesthesia, I always thought of it as some sort of super power, like I just don’t understand how it works. I think it’s so cool that this has always been a part of you growing up, I feel that it gives you a whole different perspective of the world. I mean, I guess you could say that everyone has a different perspective of the world- but yours seems much more fun and bright with all of those colors floating around. I love this blog because you really just answered all the questions I had for you before, and really, whenever I hear about your synesthesia, it’s kind of unbelievable to me. I already know what color I am, but like you said, in honor of the end of the year…what color am I?
Hi Annie! I was trying to think of another way to describe the shade of blue but I seriously can’t find anything better than Cinderella blue…which you knew already. Sorry.
Hi Kate; your blog post was such an interesting read! I wasn’t aware you have synesthesia, but it makes sense why creating art from the colors you saw was so appealing. I’m interested in knowing how your synesthesia might have altered the perception of your reality; I know in your blog post you write about how the colors aren’t influenced by personality or emotions, but when you were younger, did you often (inadvertently) associate certain colors with a meaning? My favorite part of your blog was the ending, though; characteristics that make people unique often create a label that can be frustrating to move away from. You probably don’t need to hear this, but I’ve known you for two years now and your individuality shone through long before I read this article ;). Thank you so much for sharing!
Kate – I honestly think it is so cool that you have (or at least had) synesthesia. Whenever I hear someone mention synesthesia, I instantly think about the scene in Ratatouille when Remy was eating different food and had some really cool color vision thing going on in his brain. So, reading about your experience with synesthesia gave me a new insight into how it works and how it can be different for different people. I do have two questions though, which if you never answer them will not offend me. Does your synesthesia affect your art abilities? I’ve seen your artwork and wondered if because of your (now fading) ability to see the world differently, if it affects the artwork you create or are more drawn to creating. Can you see more colors than the typical range of colors, or are the colors you see only colors you’ve been introduced to at some point in your life? Oh, wait, I forgot I have one more very important question, what color am I?
Hi Kate,
This was so interesting to read! I never realized that some people with certain forms of synesthesia see not only color, but also different patterns, shapes, and finishes (like the shiny film, glitter, etc.). It’s fascinating to hear about all the different ways that people are able to perceive the world. I knew that you had synesthesia, but I didn’t know that you had chromesthesia as well- actually I didn’t even know that was a thing. I’m sure you’re very tired of answering questions about it, so don’t answer if you don’t want to, but I’m curious as to how your experience with orchestra was. For me, the sound of all the different instruments tuning and practicing all at the same time used to be overwhelming when I was younger. There was just too much going on at the same time. That’s only sound, but did it ever get overwhelming with seeing colors as well as hearing the sound? Also, did you associate different colors/shapes with different instruments or were you able to distinguish between different players of the same instrument?
Last question… what color am I? (sorry again sldkfkjsld)