Typically, I love blogging because it makes me think. It gives me a little time
for myself and my own thoughts, and provides me with the chance to piece together the puzzles my brain has constructed for itself.
Today, though, I hate blogging, because it makes me think.
I don’t know what to think. Approaching graduation, many of my peers have begun to dive into nostalgia; reflecting upon their high school career and sharing stories with each other. So far, I don’t feel any of that nostalgia. In fact, despite the happy memories I’ve made here, I’m ready to get out and start over.
Looking back at the blogs I’ve written this year, you can probably see that mindset. Unlike my peers, I didn’t write about fun senior-year traditions or things I was excited about. Rather, I wrote about pieces of me and the people and things that have shaped me, and I’m glad I did. Through reflecting upon myself and the parts of me, I’ve given myself time to think about who I want to be. It’s for this reason that I’ve loved blogging so very much.
I can’t say I have a favorite blog. Each and every one of them means something different to me, because they reflect a different part of myself. I’m not just considering the topic, either—because I think the context in which these blogs are written means something too. For example, I’ll never forget sitting in an empty hotel bathtub, frantically analyzing a poem; or scouring my camera roll for blog ideas, just to find hundreds of photos of me crying; or having to take pictures of the contents of my pencil case in a Nichols Library huddle room while someone tried to kick me out. In a way, I’m grateful for the opportunities that blogging has given me to make these memories.
Truthfully, though, the memories I made this year were rather…limited? It always felt like I was rushing to get things done and to achieve something I couldn’t, and as a result, I didn’t do anything super spontaneous or out-of-the-ordinary. I don’t think I liked this year. I don’t think that I was truly myself nor was I surrounded by people that I really flourished around. It’s not that I hated my peers or didn’t have friends—it’s that something has just been missing since everyone graduated last year, and I’ve been trying to fill it with things that probably weren’t the best for me. But at least I’ve learned to recognize this.
Through trying to fill that void, I’ve learned that there’s a world beyond NNHS that we often forget about. I think one of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my four years is that we live in a little Naperville bubble, but that there’s so much more beyond these walls. Each of our teachers have lived crazy lives that stretch magnitudes that we might not even be able to comprehend; when we complain about how early 4th period lunch is, we should really be thinking about how lucky we are that we don’t have 3rd or 7th period lunch like District 204 does; and it’s not necessarily always a good thing to be as competitive as we are, and sometimes we just need to take a step back and be happy.
To future NNHS seniors, my biggest piece of advice: don’t let anybody tell you who they think you should be. Trust your gut. More so than ever, people are going to insert themselves into your life. If you know you can handle hard classes, go for it. Don’t do anything just for college applications, because when the time comes, those things won’t really matter that much. Remember that you are worth more than whatever you’re putting on paper. When the time comes, everybody is going to think that they know what school and what environment is best for you, but only you will truly know. Believe me, it’s never a bad idea to listen to your own opinions.
You know, after some more thinking, maybe I am being a little nostalgic.
Hey Kate! First of all, I wanted to say that this post is beautifully written. Throughout the year, I think your blogs have been considerably reflective, and I’m happy to hear that blogging has allowed you to reflect and learn about yourself! While I certainly do feel nostalgia for my high school friends and memories, I’m also excited to get into the real world and start anew. And honestly, while it’s somewhat sad to admit, I agree that senior year, especially the first semester, wasn’t as spontaneous and fulfilling as it could have been. Lastly, I think your advice for seniors is spot on! In the end, you know yourself better than anyone else, and you should be the one holding the reins in your own life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Kate, a lot of what you wrote in this blog post really resonated with me. I look around and see everyone else teary-eyed and nostalgic, not ready to leave North behind, but somehow, I don’t feel the same way. Of course, there are a select few things I’ll miss a lot, like some of my long-term teachers and friends, but the overwhelming emotion I’m feeling is excitement. Not necessarily for 4(+) more years of education, but more for summer and the fresh, non-D203 start we’ll get when school starts again.
I also think I’ve made a pretty limited amount of memories. Not just this year, but during my entire time at this school. For too long, my mindset has been: “I just have to get to late start Wednesday,” “I just have to make it to the weekend,” “Spring break is almost here,” etc. I was never really living in the moment because I was always too focused on what was next.
But however iffy these four years have been, I’m thankful to have had you throughout all of it. When we reach mid-August and leave Naperville behind, it’ll be less “goodbye” and more of a “see you later.” trust!!
Hi Kate, I enjoyed your title so I felt compelled to read your final blog post. I also have a love-hate relationship with blogging as I hate to think (like you) but it is necessary sometimes. For some reason, graduation has not really sunk in on me yet, it feels like any other day when school is let out and I have not really thought about the idea that I am not going to return back to this beautiful place again. Thinking about it, I honestly have not felt a single moment of sadness or nostalgia about this place. While I am ready to leave this place, I feel like there should be some sadness of this chapter of my life coming to an end– maybe it will hit at graduation? Or when I move into my college dorm? You could not have put it better, “there’s a world beyond NNHS that we often forget about”. My thoughts exactly.